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Halloween has passed and Christmas is quickly approaching. In terms of domestic and international markets, we are now in the most lucrative sales period of the year: a time when business-savvy celebrities and big stars want to introduce their products to the public.
Whether your reward is cold hard cash or simply warm goodwill, now is the time to cash in. Everyone wants a piece of that profitable holiday cheer. And today, the Royal Family is no different.
Like rock stars on tour or authors releasing new titles in the hope of a holiday bestseller, the royals are maneuvering with a vengeance. The King and Queen have been touring Australasia, taking part in up to ten engagements a day and apparently encountering limited republican resistance.
Yes, there was that crazy heckler in Canberra who accused our dear Charles of genocide. Come on, come on. He is a dear and harmless old man! The King is a pacifist who does not even use pesticides on his begonias and treats his cows and sheep with herbs and homeopathy.
William in his documentary about homelessness… this is exactly the kind of mission a future king should undertake, writes Jan Moir
And let’s not forget that Charles has embarked on this tour while still recovering from cancer, accompanied every step of the way by two doctors, just in case.
The way he has fought happily, patrician but brave in his tailored safari shirts and spotless bedding, has made me look at him in a new and admiring way.
And despite the incessant happy vibes, there was a moment at the end of the Samoa summit that hinted at the pressure and worry pulsing beneath the ever-cheerful royal surface.
“I will always remain devoted to this part of the world and hope to survive long enough to return,” Charles told his hosts in a moving speech.
Beside him, these melancholic words made Queen Camilla cry. In fact, they both seemed excited.
He will turn 76 in two weeks, while she is a year older. A time in life to trim the wicks and extinguish the lamps, perhaps, rather than embrace your inevitable destiny of having to shine in the global spotlight.
The sense of duty that keeps them on the path is a credit to both of them.
Meanwhile, the first documentary about Camilla since her coronation will air on November 11.
Her Majesty The Queen: Behind Closed Doors (ITV) sees Cam on camera meeting survivors of domestic abuse, an issue she has campaigned on for over a decade.
This new expose of Camilla’s good works follows this week’s two-part documentary We Can End Homebeing (also ITV) in which Prince William unveiled his ambitious initiative to end homelessness in the UK in five years.
His project, called Homewards, is bold, brilliant and certainly doomed to fail, but you have to admit that it is brave and ambitious. The protection and safety of his most vulnerable subjects is exactly the kind of mission a budding king should embark on.
As one of the country’s richest landowners trying to help those without a carpet of their own, Prince William is not unaware of the paradox of his position, but he won’t let it stop him.
“I don’t think we should be homeless in the 21st century,” he reasoned. “I feel that with my position and platform I should create change.”
Next week he will depart on tour in South Africa, where he will undertake engagements around his Earthshot Prize awards. He leaves behind his wife Catherine, who also suffered from cancer this year, and his children. In his own way, he also continues to fight.
To their credit, these top royals aren’t afraid to tackle big, difficult topics, or expose themselves to the scrutiny of documentary cameras. Unlike some.
In California, where are Prince Harry and his wife, businesswoman and jam maker? The Duchess of Sussex is still unable to get her troubled lifestyle brand American Riviera Orchard off the ground, and will miss out on this year’s Christmas trade entirely.
The latest setback comes from a long-established company called Royal Riviera, which filed a protest with the Patent and Trademark Office alleging there is a “likelihood of confusion” with Meghan’s American Riviera Orchard label.
For his part, the Duke of Sussex has just made a documentary about the elitist sport of polo, his favorite pastime, while the paperback edition of his revealing and plaintive autobiography Spare is on sale for Christmas.
He is also desperately trying to ignore Eric Trump – the second son of presidential hopeful Donald – who has publicly
called Harry a ‘black sheep’; ‘unpopular’; and ‘someone who doesn’t matter’. The words pot and kettle come to mind, but they are embarrassing and degrading anyway.
If you need another example of the basic difference between the two warring brothers, here it is right in front of you: William fights for the underdog, while Harry fights for himself.
At the end of all this, it could be argued that the stature of the Royal Family is not what it was and that when Queen Elizabeth died, much of its prestige and mystique died with her.
However, despite the difficulties and illnesses that 2024 has visited the House of Windsor, you know what? Against all odds, Charles and William are doing well.
What about the Saga cruise ship passenger who thought she was going to die when her ship was caught in a storm in the Bay of Biscay? Last year, Carol Lake was on board the Spirit of Discovery when it was hit by force 11 winds and 30ft waves while sailing back to the UK from the Canary Islands.
One person was killed and more than 100 injured in the chaos when the ship lost propulsion and furniture fell.
It was completely terrifying, but Carol simply went to her cabin and turned on the TV to watch an episode of Strictly. ‘I realized that no one in the Bay of Biscay would come to rescue us if we went to the other side. I thought this was it and I wasn’t going to make it. But I also thought: I’ve had a good life,” he said.
“I just tried to maintain a little bit of normality in a situation that I had absolutely no control over.”
I admire his presence of mind and his cold blood bathed in sequins. Under the same circumstances I hope to do the same. Sit quietly in a corner. Looking at my Daniel Craig photographs, as the waves crashed through the portholes. What a way to go.
The art of being Madonna’s child
Madonna with her son Rhed, a promising painting and canvas artist
Last week it was about Lourdes León, Madonna’s daughter who dabbled in singing and considered acting before becoming a model. “Models are now personalities and artists,” she said, brandishing a Marc Jacobs bag like a pro. Whatever.
Now she meets her brother Rocco Ritchie, also known as Rhed, an up-and-coming paint and canvas artist who sells his paintings for £40,000 each.
Madonna was at her show in Paris this week, beaming with pride. In a catalog featuring his work, we are informed that “social conflicts, generational issues, and celebrity fixations” are themes that Rhed “addresses in a coded way.”
Some of his works are even “priced upon request,” an ambitious affectation usually reserved for a Hockney or a Picasso.
My expert friend in the art world is desperate. “Zero talent, no psychological vision and very ambitious prices,” he snorts. “And if you visit the undergraduate exhibitions at art colleges, you will see hundreds of artists who are more talented.”
Maybe so, but is his mother’s name Madonna? I thought not.
Why Clare and Sandi are a woke joke
Clare Balding and Sandi Toksvig are proud lesbians but, interestingly, neither of them are friends with women. Clare is strongly in favor of co-ed sports, while Sandi has openly mocked those who oppose men participating in women’s sporting events.
Clare said this week that she even thought mixed football should be an Olympic sport. “It’s not about power: it’s about speed, skill, vision and incredible ability on the ball,” he added. This is so ridiculously false. Not just because I grew up playing soccer with boys and still have the scars to prove it.
We all know the Lionesses are a wonderful team, but they don’t have the power of their male counterparts. Just like female tennis players could never compete against men, and it is ridiculous to pretend otherwise.
Meanwhile, Sandi’s Women’s Equality Party fired one of its executives for sensibly arguing that children should not be labeled transgender. Now the party is going to be closed down after obtaining only 1,200 votes in the general election. “It’s because politics has shifted to the extreme right,” said a WEP spokeswoman. Perhaps they didn’t realize they had just elected a Labor government. Clare and Sandi are a couple of woke jokes.
Suicide pods may not be the perfect answer to end-of-life issues, but I’m all for them. Economical, practical, located in a quiet forest near your house? Why not? Why not just flip the switch and breathe in the fumes if it all becomes too much? It’s not inhuman, it’s exactly the opposite.
Those without hope, those suffering from debilitating and painful terminal illnesses deserve to have an option that can end their suffering, that leaves them in control, that offers them the promise of a good or dignified death.
It is a complicated topic, with many repercussions and difficult results. But as a society, we need to start examining these options and our attitudes toward them. What a comfort to the bereaved to know that the possibility was there, should the worst happen. Even if they never act on it.
Spare us the politics of spite, Carol.
According to the giggly, smug Labour’s Carol Vorderman in
Are we all supposed to feel empowered and wonderful that a woman is delivering the Budget for the first time?
Count on me, sisters. Especially when Chancellor Rachel Reeves was bragging about raising the price of private jet travel and clumsily mentioning trips to California.
According to the giggly, smug Labor Party Carol Vorderman in X, this was “investigating Rishi”.
How absolutely petty. If women in high political office are going to behave with such narrow-mindedness, then I want no part in it.
Rachel, with all her resentment and spite for student politics, embarrasses me.