Have you ever wondered what your child’s teacher really thinks about him and you? If they describe your little one as “full of energy” and “super enthusiastic,” don’t take it as a compliment—that’s teacher-speak for annoying.
‘Do you like to entertain’? They are the class clown. ‘Real character’? They can’t stand them. Kerry Parnell decodes what teachers say, versus what they mean, in time for parents’ evening.
Other sure signs that you are a failed parent include the teacher producing a timer at parent night, or if they bring a second teacher to the meeting.
What they say: “They are a force of nature”
What they mean: ‘They don’t stop arguing’
You might think that describing your son as “a force of nature” means he will be the next prime minister. But what their teacher is really telling you is that they are super annoying. “We use a lot of euphemisms,” reveals a high school teacher. “If they don’t stop talking back, I would describe them as ‘a force of nature.’
“The most annoying kids in my class are the ones who always shout, so on parents’ nights I can say: ‘They like to express their opinions’ or ‘They like to make their voices heard,'” reveals another primary school teacher.
Worst description? ‘A real character’. “That means they’re a bit shit,” one teacher admits.
What they say: “They are excited”
What they mean: “They will not sit still”
As you crouch in a miniature chair at the evening with your elementary school parents, only one thing should make you feel even more uncomfortable: the words “very excited” or “has a lot of energy.” This is classic teacher language for a child who won’t sit still and disrupts class.
And if you tell him that his son has an “infectious sense of humor,” the teacher doesn’t laugh. “It means they’re the class clown and won’t shut up,” says one high school teacher.
What they say: “They are an involved family”
What they mean: “You are a domineering tiger mother.”
Don’t think that the teacher’s language is limited to your child. One high school teacher revealed that when he writes references to high schools, they include coded descriptions of the family, which the other school definitely understands.
‘When we give references of children from a dominant family, we write that they are “a very involved family.” If we like you, it’s “they are a supportive family.”
How to know if your child likes it
There are some times when teachers don’t use doublespeak and that’s when they really enjoy teaching your child.
‘The kids I really like, I would say, “They have a first-rate mind or a sharp intellect,” says a teacher at one of the country’s top primary schools. “If I tell parents that it is a pleasure to teach their children, it is because it really is,” they say.
And if they don’t…
Do they have a particularly soft voice? Do they seem a little cloying to you when they talk to you about your son?
This decoy maneuver by teachers is confirmed by our complainants. “I channel a CBeebies presenter when I talk to or about kids I don’t like,” confesses one primary school teacher.
Also note what they are not saying. “If you never mention kindness, it means they’re cruel,” reveals a high school teacher.
And how to know if they don’t like you
Do you want a teacher to like you? Don’t bother them too much.
“Every new school year at our elementary school, after the first week, we receive two or three complaints from parents that their children did not get the star of the week,” says one teacher. “After that, we usually try hard not to give it to your child.”
Other sure signs that you are a failed parent include the teacher producing a timer at parent night, or if they bring a second teacher to the meeting (it’s not for you, it’s for them).
“The nicest parents are the ones who don’t contact you often, and if they complain, we take it seriously,” reveals one teacher.