Christmas is a time of traditions: gifts, the tree, the turkey and even the message from the King. However, if you dig into the details, it will become clear that the way you interpret the usual festivities is the key to how stylish you really are.
“Having a fancy Christmas is not about having a flashy Christmas,” explains Jo Bryant, a leading etiquette consultant based in London. ‘It’s about long-standing traditions and making sure you are ‘the host with the most’ without being ostentatious.
‘Maybe you get the best wine out of the cellar, but don’t stick with it. A truly elegant Christmas can sometimes even seem tacky, because it’s not about the new, but about the old and traditional.’
So what are the signs that you’re having a stylish Christmas? We’ve consulted etiquette experts to bring you the ultimate guide to upper-class festivities.
Santa Claus or Father Christmas? What you call the cheerful man in red says a lot about you.
1. Your tree will not have been up since the day after bonfire night. “Posh people put up their Christmas tree in mid-December, ideally around the 17th, so it lasts until Twelfth Night,” says Laura Windsor, founder of the Laura Windsor Etiquette Academy.
2. The house will feel calm with white lights to recreate the glowing effect of the stars at night. The only thing on the front door will be a hand-cut wreath. Nothing else.
3. The ornaments will have come out of a box in the attic and will be used year after year, even if they are a little worn or worn. “As counterintuitive as it may seem, it’s actually part of their elegant pedigree,” explains Jo Bryant.
4. As tempting as it may be to open up all your gifts, being elegant also means being patient, explains Jo. “In the morning only the stockings are opened and the main gifts are exchanged after the King’s speech.” In fact, the stockings must be threadbare: old family heirlooms with a fascinating story about their history (think “Cynthia’s grandmother knitted them during World War I” instead of “I bought them in the Aldi Black Friday sales”) . A satsuma toe is also vital.
5. Gifts are opened slowly. ‘Civility dictates grace and decorum when unwrapping gifts under the tree. A chaotic wrestling match benefits no one,’ says Jo Hayes, founder of EtiquetteExpert.Org. You open the smaller gifts under the tree first, says Richie Frieman, known as the Modern Manners Guy and author of The Optimistics. He adds: “A rude person would jump right into the matter and ignore the fact that the most important gift was one of the first to be opened and distract everyone else.” The “surprise gift” is always last because it is the most elegant way to show your good manners to others. And don’t act like you don’t know that your gift has a few more zeros than everyone else’s.
6. No need to drool for hours in matching pajamas. “After breakfast (which includes kippers, bacon, roast kidneys, and eggs), you either attend a church service or go for a walk,” says Laura Windsor. Coming home with rosy cheeks from the cold air is a sign of good grooming.
7. You dress for Christmas lunch (never call it dinner). That doesn’t mean sparkly sequins and acres of supermarket satin either. “Christmas is a special occasion and if you want to be elegant, you’re expected to make an effort,” says Laura Windsor. For a man, elegant, clean and ironed pants, a sweater or a shirt; for women, a smart dress, smart shoes or pressed skirt/pants and shirt/top, says Laura. An ironic Christmas sweater, however, is worthy of acceptance.
When you go to church on Christmas morning, do it like royalty with stylish winter coats.
8. For parishioners, midnight mass is the natural choice. But failing that, it’s church on December 25, and do it like royalty in stylish winter coats. You may have first invited others from the village or congregation for drinks on Christmas Eve, or perhaps even a glass of port and a piece of Christmas cake before the service.
9. Use place names to show people exactly where they should sit around the Christmas dinner table. These, says Laura Windsor, are handwritten, never typed, of course. And posh people, he adds, accept the place where they are placed. “No guest in their right mind would change them, knowing that great care has been put into creating the best conversation dynamic, which is a blessing at Christmas.”
10. You don’t overeat. Banish all thoughts of Smithy from Gavin and Stacey by putting an end to the pigs in blankets. ‘If you want to be fancy at Christmas, you’ll need to practice a little self-control and that means refraining from filling your plate with more food than you can eat. It’s also smart to keep up with the pace of other diners so as not to make slow eaters, like Grandma, feel uncomfortable.’
11. Lunch is served at 1:00 pm sharp and adheres strictly to tradition. And, as Jo Bryant points out, this is not the time to experiment (unless there are dietary requirements). The food is pure tradition: turkey with roast potatoes and the beloved trio of vegetables: Brussels sprouts, carrots and roast parsnips, preferably grown on their own property, according to the tradition of the Royal Family. All accompaniments and condiments, like the sage and onion stuffing or cranberry sauce, are strictly homemade.
At Christmas lunch (never say dinner), the sauce should go on the meat, and only the meat.
12. The way the sauce is served says a lot about the hidden pedigree, says Jo Bryant. ‘You use a ladle and serve it from the sauce boat over the meat, and only the meat. Never anywhere else, please.
13. The final dish is called pudding (never dessert or, God forbid, dessert), says Jo Bryant. And it will be a Christmas pudding dipped in fine brandy decorated with holly and served with brandy butter. It is eaten with a spoon and fork. Only at this stage of the meal is it acceptable to rest your elbows on the table. After the pudding, the cheese plate is served with port.
14. It may be Christmas, but festive-flavored alcoholic beverages are banned in fine homes. “That means no Christmas edition Baileys or cocktails made with mince pie-flavoured gin,” says Jo Bryant. “It will be a favorite sherry, champagne (not prosecco) and a fine wine for dinner, followed by a dark dessert wine to accompany the pudding.”
15. Truly stylish people tend to have dogs, and that means giving their dogs something special at Christmas: perhaps fresh rabbit, beef, or chicken with rice and cabbage, a royal dog favorite.
16. Forget watching the Bond movie in a food coma. ‘After lunch you can play charades, a royal tradition since the Second World War when the family was forced to stay home due to air raids. Or board games, like Monopoly, dominoes or backgammon,” says Laura Windsor. Although everything stops during the King’s speech which is seen in real time and not on iPlayer.
17. The table is set correctly. “It may seem like too obvious a rule, but many people in the modern world have not grown up with the knowledge of how to properly set a dining table,” says Jo Hayes. All the dishes will be displayed: large plate, deep plate and salad plate on top of the plate. Knife on the right. Fork to the left. Soup spoon to the right of the knife. Linen napkin, folded, under the fork. Dessert spoon placed on top of the plate. Glass of water at approximately 2:00 pm until the plate. Glass of wine at 2:00 p.m. with a glass of water.
Singers like Bing Crosby are acceptable background music, but Mariah Carey is a no-no
18. The TV will not be blaring in the background. Instead, it will be soft Christmas music. ‘I emphasize gentleness: guests should not have to strain their voices or ears to engage in conversation. Think Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, the cathedral choirs,” says Jo Hayes. Jo Bryant agrees: “You can also opt for some Rat Pack or classical music, but no Mariah Carey or Wham’s Last Christmas, thanks “.
19. There will be some kind of speech before lunch begins. ‘The host should say a brief thank you, give a short speech and propose a toast at the beginning of the meal, for example, ‘My wife and I really appreciate you all joining us here for Christmas lunch.’ May I propose a toast – to faith, family and friends – to Christmas! Everyone is then encouraged to carry their glasses,” says Jo Hayes.
20. You don’t mean the white-bearded, red-suited guy like Santa. It’s vulgar. “Posh people refer to him as Santa Claus,” says Jo Bryant.