Dear Jana,
I broke up with my boyfriend when I found out he was having an affair with a friend of a friend. They are now together and flaunt it on social media. I have heard rumours that he is involved in a small drug deal and I am tempted to expose him.
I’m trying to justify it to myself by believing it’s for the good of the community, but deep down I know it’s just petty revenge for breaking my heart and making me look like a fool, but why should I continue to live an amazing life while I’m still dealing with the sadness of it all?
Small but pretty.
Dear Little but Pretty,
Back off, you beautiful scorned girl. You’re not a crime-fighting superwoman, you’re just an angry ex looking for revenge. Which is cute on our crime show, but not in real life. And you’re not using your energy wisely.
Instead of breaking your heart every time you log on to social media and see their embarrassing couple photos, just block them and delete them. Be a ruthless queen.
And instead of reporting him for drug dealing, why don’t you focus on improving your image? Use that pent-up anger at the gym. Make yourself sexier than the new hooker with some Botox and a nice facial. The past is in the past, snore. Focus on your future self, who is happy, successful, and completely over that loser.
Jana Hocking offers advice to three Australians who have found themselves in a series of awkward and disturbing situations.
And if you still feel the need to get back at him, remember all those times he didn’t give you an orgasm, or his stinky farts, or that tragic situation where he groomed himself in his underwear. We all have our own, focus on his!
Dear Jana,
I think my wife is purposely making me fat. I recently turned 50 and have watched friends battle heart disease and other conditions as they age. So, I decided to get my life in order. I started going to the gym, walking the dog more, getting out of the office and getting some sunshine. It’s done wonders for my health and overall outlook on life, but my wife keeps trying to serve me the heavy, greasy meals I used to love, despite knowing I’m on a strict eating plan. Do you think she’s sabotaging my efforts? How do I tell her to stop?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
As someone who loves dad bods, I’ll be honest: I kind of feel for your wife in this situation.
Sure, your wife’s cooking may seem like an act of sabotage, but it’s more likely that she’s simply clinging to the past: to the comfort of shared meals, to the nostalgia of those big, delicious plates. It makes me hungry just thinking about it.
Have you ever considered that maybe food is his love language? It has a way of anchoring us to memories and relationships, and it seems like he’s struggling with the idea of change.
I would start by having a conversation with her. Be honest, but be careful. Explain that you are trying to take care of your health so you can spend more time with her on this earth (it’s romantic, isn’t it?) and that you need to stay on track.
And you know what else you can do? Maybe suggest cooking together. Look for new recipes that are healthy but tasty (apparently there are some). This could become a way to bond and take some of the heavy lifting off of your shoulders.
And by the way, send me their meals if you don’t want them. I’d love to have a woman cook for me!
“Life is too short to have regrets, but also too long to deal with unnecessary drama. Make it fun, but make it smart,” says Jana.
Dear Jana,
My best friend and I sleep together all the time. Our husbands don’t know, but we like to occasionally take a “girls trip” and spend most of our time in bed, and every now and then when they come over for dinner we find a reason to sneak off to another room to make out. It all started a year ago, after a few too many drinks. I confessed to her that it was on my bucket list to sleep with a woman, and she admitted that she was curious too. One thing led to another, and now I can’t help but feel addicted to our little escapades. It’s like we created this naughty world just for us!
The problem is that I don’t really feel guilty about it, which worries me. Do you think this could develop into something deeper between us? If so, how can I handle those feelings without ruining everything with our husbands? I’d love to hear your ideas on how to handle this tricky situation!
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Oh God, you’re playing with fire! Long live experimentation and know that you won’t go to your grave regretting lost sexual experiences! But what a shame to have to hide them!
Isn’t that something you could perhaps share with your husbands? I know an elderly French couple who had a great time in the 1970s when they both confessed their bisexual tendencies to each other. They let each other explore those tendencies and it led to a very happy marriage. Ah, the French! They really are much more fun.
As for your concern about not feeling guilty, I want to share something a friend once told me. She told her therapist that she didn’t feel guilty about the wife of the man she was secretly dating. The therapist pointed out that this lack of guilt is often due to not fully understanding the potential consequences of one’s actions.
Basically, you think you’re not doing any harm because you think you won’t get caught. Spoiler alert: despite your best efforts, there’s a very good chance they will. In your case, the consequences could be broken marriages. Sure, it’s fun to have a cheeky fondling when your partners are in the other room, but it’s risky!
I know someone who was caught when their partner checked the CCTV. One careless kiss could lead to a divorce!
Whatever your decision, remember: life is too short to have regrets, but it’s also too long to deal with unnecessary drama. Make it fun, but make it smart.
