This is the agonizing moment Joe Tracini struggled to answer even a simple question due to his battle with borderline personality disorder (BPD).
The Hollyoaks star, 35, best known for playing Dennis Savage in the soap, hopes to raise awareness of the condition in new Channel 4 documentary Me And The Voice In My Head.
BPD severely affects the way a person thinks and feels about themselves and other people, leading to intense and unstable emotions, chronic insecurity, and intrusive thoughts.
Joe was diagnosed with BPD ten years ago, and it’s a condition that around two percent of the country will live with at some point.
In the documentary, which aired on Monday night, Joe showed how much BPD impacts his daily life when he couldn’t answer a simple question from the camera crew, which ultimately caused him to burst into tears.
This is the agonizing moment Hollyoaks star Joe Tracini struggled to answer a simple question due to his battle with borderline personality disorder (BPD).
The producers asked Joe, who is also a comedian, ‘What would you say is your funniest video?’
But the actor was visibly struggling because he couldn’t form the words for a response, and finally just said, “Oh my God.”
He explained to viewers in voice-over: ‘While a normal person would simply answer that simple question, my BPD means that, most of the time, I can’t.
‘BPD severely affects how a person thinks and feels about themselves and other people. It often leads to intense and unstable emotions, chronic insecurity, and intrusive thoughts.
“Right now I’m thinking about everything from fuck, what if the cheese had gone bad to how much better off my family would be if I died?”
Still unable to communicate his response, Joe burst into tears of frustration.
He told the camera crew: “It feels completely crazy.” This is mental. I want to be able to talk to you.
‘I want to be able to look here and show you all the things I’ve done. You are here because I asked you to come. I’m clearly crazy because this is not normal.
Joe burst into tears at his frustration as he struggled to form a response.
Joe is exploring his BPD diagnosis for Channel 4’s Me And The Voice Inside My Head
Joe appears in the documentary along with another image of him, whom he calls ‘Mick’ and which represents the voice inside his head.
Joe’s father is comedian and I’m A Celebrity winner Joe Pasquale, who admitted he felt “guilty” about Joe’s struggles.
‘I never knew why I have BPD. I know it’s fucking hard to live with. This is the worst I’ve ever felt right now.
In the documentary, produced by Hungry Bear, Joe introduces the viewer to Mick, the voice inside his head that constantly wants to hurt him.
Every time Joe is having a good day or feeling more positive, ‘Mick’ starts shouting intrusive thoughts at him that leave him unable to continue.
BPD has caused him to struggle with addiction and panic attacks that have ended his comedy career. He confessed that he has attempted suicide six times and that suicidal thoughts are common for him.
“I live with something called borderline personality disorder and one of the symptoms for me is that I think about suicide a lot,” he explains in the program.
After going to Edinburgh to meet Kate, a professor of clinical psychology, Joe is advised to explore his childhood as a means of entering therapy.
While the exact cause of BPD is unclear, it is believed to be the result of a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Those with this condition commonly experienced some type of neglect or trauma as children.
Joe is the son of comedian and I’m A Celebrity winner Joe Pasquale, who appeared in the documentary to admit that he was “absent” for much of his son’s childhood due to work and now feels he has, at least in part , the blame”. .
After leaving Hollyoaks, Joe hoped to pursue a career as a comedian (pictured: one of his comedy videos) but his BPD and panic attacks prevented this from becoming a reality.
Pasquale admitted that he had been absent for much of Joe’s childhood due to work.
Joe appeared in Hollyoaks (pictured) as Dennis Savage from 2011 to 2014.
As a child, Joe spent much of his time alone trying to learn how to be a magician. But he stopped loving him at the age of 16 and “filled the void” by using drugs.
“As soon as I quit drugs, I started drinking,” he added.
Now 11 years sober, the documentary also explores Joe’s first attempt to return to performing on stage after a panic attack forced him to cancel a show five minutes before it was to begin.
In a tremendously brave move, Joe manages to perform his one-man show at Norwich Playhouse to raise awareness of BPD in front of 300 people.
Elsewhere in the documentary, Joe speaks to his family, loved ones and BPD experts to better understand his condition and try to make his life more bearable, although Mick is never far away.
Joe was supported by a psychologist during the making of the film and will continue to receive support after the show airs.
He previously opened up about his mental health in his book Ten Things I Hate About Myself.
Joe Tracini: Me and the Voice Inside My Head is now on Channel 4.
If you have been affected by this story, you can call Samaritans on 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org.
