A Harvard graduate has helped eliminate awkward silence by sharing a 10-second trick that helps anyone build lasting relationships, whether with friends, family, colleagues or a potential partner.
Charles Duhigg suggested that meeting someone new with just a few conversation topics or ideas can help you overcome superficial conversations and achieve a more meaningful tone.
If you are meeting someone, have at least three ideas for topics or questions prepared in case there is a lull in the conversation and so that it flows naturally.
Other tips to make the conversation a more pleasant experience include understanding what the person needs from the conversation and paying attention to their nonverbal cues.
Preparing three topics or questions before meeting someone can make you a better conversationalist
There are four additional steps you can take to become a better communicator: ask questions, listen carefully to their responses, pay attention to body language, and look for opportunities to connect.
Duhigg is the author of the best-selling book ‘The Power of Habit’ and addressed the topic of elevating our daily interactions in his new book, ‘Super Communicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection.’
Whether it’s an event, meeting someone for the first time on a date, or striking up a casual conversation with a stranger on the subway, people who are prepared with three conversation topics have better face-to-face interactions.
“Most of the time, you don’t talk about those things, but your anxiety levels will go down considerably because you feel like you have something to fall back on,” Duhigg said. Business Insider.
“If there’s an awkward silence, you know exactly what you’re going to mention.”
It’s important not to rely too much on the questions, Duhigg cautioned, adding that not all questions may be answered.
But he said that by having them on hand, you can appear more comfortable, which in turn will make the other person feel relaxed and comfortable.
Starting small with questions like: “Where did you go to college?”, “What was it like growing up in a small town?” or what do you do?” It might make the other person feel more comfortable.
Charles Duhigg discusses that people considered “super communicators” connect with others on a deeper level and are 10 to 20 times more likely to ask questions than others.
She studied different types of language cues for three years and discovered that people can miss the opportunity to build a relationship because they don’t know how to have the type of conversation their partner needs.
Charles Duhigg is the author of the best-selling novel: The Power of Habit.
‘Supercommunicators’ build on the foundation of conversation and ask 10 to 20 times more questions than the average person, making their partner feel more comfortable and like they have been heard.
“We believe that the goal of a conversation, the definition of success, is to convince the other person of something,” Duhigg said.
“And the real goal of a conversation is simply to understand the other person.”
But it’s not enough to simply ask the question, you also have to show that you’re listening, Duhigg wrote in a Wall Street Journal opinion article.
‘Many people don’t know how to show that they are listening. And speaking is such a cognitively intense activity that speakers often don’t realize how listeners react,” she explained.
Supercommunicators often use a strategy known as a “comprehension loop,” which means they rephrase the person’s answer to a question to make sure you understood what they were saying.
Charles Duhigg advises people to ask what their partner needs from a conversation to feel heard.
It makes the person feel heard and may involve other people who will be more inclined to ask questions and listen more carefully than before.
Social mimicry is one of the strongest characteristics of human interactions, as it shows that you are involved in the conversation by imitating the behaviors, postures or gestures of others without being aware of your actions.
TO study published by the National Library of Medicine found that imitation demonstrates how we perceive and interact with people at a basic level, adding that “after being imitated, we perceive more similarities between objects, feel more similar to others, and behave in a more prosocial way. ‘
These skills show the other person that you are doing more than just listening and that you want to connect on a deeper, more meaningful level.
“Numerous experiments have shown that when we align ourselves with someone through conversation, we feel good, in part because our brains have evolved to crave these types of connections,” Duhigg said.
“The desire to connect has pushed people to form communities, protect their descendants, and seek new friends and alliances.”
However, too often we forget to focus on what a person wants from the conversation: do they want a solution or a listening ear?
“However, as we age, our ability to notice the expressions and body language of others often atrophies,” Duhigg said.
‘We started focusing on people’s words: it’s nothing. I feel good, instead of his crossed arms, his downcast eyes, or his monotonous voice.
“But people need to detect other people’s emotions, even when they don’t express them.”
Supercommunicators know something the rest of us don’t: how to recognize and satisfy another person’s wants and needs and draw out their most complex feelings and emotions.
“It is no secret that the world has become increasingly polarized and that we struggle to hear and be heard,” Duhigg wrote.
“If we know how to sit together and listen, then even if we can’t resolve all disagreements, we can find ways to coexist and thrive.”