Dear Jane,
Earlier this year, my ex-boyfriend contacted me to tell me that he had been diagnosed with a terminal brain illness. cancer – and wondering if I would consider visiting him one last time because there were some things he wanted to tell me.
The two of us broke up eight years ago and the separation was not very good. I thought he was the man I was going to marry… until I found out he had been cheating on me with a close friend, who eventually became his wife.
As the years went by, I managed to move on, largely thanks to my husband, whom I met about six months after the breakup and who was instrumental in rebuilding me.
He was very understanding of my need to slowly move forward in our relationship, and when we got married three years ago, I knew that everything had happened for a reason because he was the man I was always meant to end up with.
Dear Jane, my ex-boyfriend is dying of cancer and wants to see me one last time, but my husband won’t allow me to visit him.
I’ve also worked hard to forgive my ex and his wife, and I don’t really have any hard feelings toward either of them.
So when my ex reached out, it caused a lot of mixed emotions, the first of which was heartbreak for him.
He is in his early 40s and hearing that his life could be cut short at such a young age really devastated me. I also felt a pang of… love, I guess? Some of those feelings I once had for him swelled inside me for a moment and, combined with my grief over his diagnosis, I felt quite overwhelmed.
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In the end I decided that I wanted to see him, give him a chance to get anything off his chest that might help him find peace during this horrible time, and also gain a real sense of closure for me, as selfish as that might be. sound.
But when I shared the message with my husband and told him I was going to arrange a visit with my ex, he stated very firmly that it was a bad idea and not something he could tolerate.
He said he didn’t want me to risk my own mental health and well-being to fulfill the wishes of a man who had hurt me so terribly in the past, and said he was afraid that seeing my ex would send me into an emotional spiral. that I have spent so many years trying to overcome.
My husband doesn’t have a controlling bone in his body, so I don’t think this reaction is coming from a place of jealousy or anything, I do think he wants the best for me.
But deep down I know that the best thing for me is to see my ex, because I know that if I don’t I will regret it for the rest of my life.
I just don’t know how to express this to my husband without hurting him or making it seem like I’m a glutton for punishment who doesn’t want to listen to his advice.
How do you suggest I do it?
Of,
final wish
Dear last wish,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this and even more sorry that your husband doesn’t understand. You say he doesn’t have a controlling bone in his body, but he’s still stopping you from doing something that’s important to you.
It is not up to him to protect your mental health and well-being. You are not a kid. You’re a grown woman who’s allowed to see whoever she wants, particularly an ex-boyfriend who clearly has unfinished business and who has expressed his final wish to, we can imagine, clean up his side of the street while he can. .
I suggest you tell your husband that you are not his property. That you are old enough and strong enough to make the right decisions for yourself and that you are choosing to honor the feelings you once had for this man and give him the opportunity to say things he may want to say so he can die. in peace.
Tell your husband that you hope he isn’t uncomfortable, but if he is, maybe he can find a therapist to figure out why he feels threatened by this.
I wish you luck, strength and, above all, peace.
