DEAR JANE: I have discovered a shocking secret about my boyfriend’s family; Telling him could ruin his life forever.

Dear Jane,

I stumbled upon some very uncomfortable information about my boyfriend’s family and I’m not really sure what I should do with this secret.

In the six years we’ve been dating, my boyfriend has never really talked about his mother. All she knew is that she left her father when he was a baby and she never tried to contact him or have a relationship with him. He always seemed very divided about it whenever the topic came up in conversation, so I never tried to press the issue.

Everyone else in his family treats his mother like she’s Voldemort. Harry Potter – they don’t say her name, they simply refer to her as ‘that woman’ whenever they mention her, and the general feeling seems to be that she committed an unforgivable sin by leaving my boyfriend and his father behind.

As you can no doubt guess, it’s a topic I’ve always avoided, although part of me has desperately wanted to know more details, simply because it was a very sensitive topic, and it seemed to me that there could be more to the story.

I recently met someone at work who went to high school with my boyfriend’s mom and dad.

When I mentioned who my boyfriend was, she immediately asked me what I thought about “that scandal” involving her parents “all those years ago.” I assumed she was talking about her mother being gone, and I told her so, only for her to get that confused look on her face, before insisting that that wasn’t what had happened at all.

According to her, my boyfriend’s father was incredibly jealous throughout their relationship, and when she told him she was pregnant, he accused her of cheating on him and insisted the baby couldn’t be his.

He kicked her out of his house while she was pregnant and told her he wanted nothing to do with her or the child. He told her family that she had cheated on him and that her baby wasn’t his, and they all isolated her completely.

After giving birth, she asked him to take a DNA test, but he refused. Apparently, a few weeks after my boyfriend was born, she took her own life and her parents took her baby, my boyfriend, to her father and asked him to take care of her child. He agreed, reluctantly, and from what I know, he decided to tell her family that she had left the baby on her and had run away from her.

I really don’t know how to make sense of this. Obviously there’s a chance that my colleague got the whole story wrong and it’s just the result of conspiracy theories and gossip, but if it’s true…my boyfriend has basically been sold a lie about his entire life.

I don’t want to tell him without having all the facts because I know this will change his life forever. And I can’t stand the thought of breaking her heart without knowing 100 percent that it’s true.

So where do I go from here?

Of,

Secrets and Lies

Dear secrets and lies,

The weight of secrets is really heavy. I am so sorry that you are carrying this burden and have thought a lot about the difficult situation you find yourself in.

Now you’re the only one outside the family who knows a different version of the story.

We don’t know if it’s necessarily true, just that it’s a very different story than the one your boyfriend has been told. The added tragedy of the mother taking her own life makes this even more complicated, and I wonder again what actions would create the least harm.

There is a version of this where you don’t say anything, let your boyfriend maintain his relationship with his father and his father’s family, and continue to feel pain every time the topic of his mother comes up.

The pain of being rejected has likely influenced your entire life, and as difficult as it is to bring this up to him, as much discord it may create in your family, I think it’s a hugely unfair disservice to have put him through his entire life. believing that his mother had abandoned him.

The truth – if it is true – is harsh.

I think you are right to tell him the story you heard, not as the truth, but as another version that he can later discuss with his father and family. Remind him that everyone, all of us, is doing the best we can with the knowledge we have.

And remember that instead of breaking your heart, discovering the story and knowing that your mother loved you deeply can actually mend a heart that has always been broken.

Dear Jane,

I am 56 years old and have two adult children to whom my husband and I have given a lot of care and love over the years. However, I was recently diagnosed with MS, so my husband and I decided to move to Greece and retire early in the hope that living a quieter life might help alleviate my symptoms.

In preparation for our move, we put both of our properties on the market: our house where my husband and I lived, and an apartment where my son lived. He had already told us that he wanted to move to Australia, so we weren’t worried about him being left without a place to go.

However, while my son lived on the property, we had put it in his name for legal reasons, with the understanding that he would always return to us when he found a home of his own.

After selling our own house, my son offered to help with the sale of the apartment so we could move to Greece sooner, without having to wait until someone bought the property.

Last month we received an offer, which we approved, and we were delighted that all our loose ends were tied up, so to speak, and that we had some money in the bank to live on now that neither of us are working.

This week, however, we received an email from our son, saying that the sale had been completed and that he had taken the money from it and would take it to start his new life in Australia.

We are absolutely heartbroken. Not only have we lost over $100,000, but even worse, we feel completely betrayed by our son, who shows no remorse for his actions and seems to think he is entitled to that sum of money.

It is so heartbreaking and we are struggling to come to terms with what he has done, let alone decide if we should take legal action here.

Any words of wisdom will be welcome.

Of,

Greek tragedy

Dear Greek Tragedy:

It is terrible to live with betrayal, and even more so when it is from your son.

I wonder how clear everyone’s expectations are. You say he put the apartment in his son’s name for legal reasons, but I wonder if he knew he would give it back to you.

So often we have these huge failures due to lack of communication.

You say your son shows a lack of remorse, but I don’t know how clear your conversations have been.

I also don’t know what his legal situation is. Putting the property in your son’s name without any additional legal agreement that clearly states the nature of this transaction does not strike me as a sound legal position. It is worth finding out about this from an expert.

It seems terribly unfair, but I also understand that it may have seemed to your son that you were giving him the apartment, so of course he would be entitled to the money.

Money will always ruin a relationship, even with the people we love the most. It’s a lot of money and I hate to see you lose it, but I think your life can be easier if you accept that the biggest mistake you both made was when you put the apartment in his name without clear authorization. legal contract of what that meant.

I hope time heals the very real wounds you are feeling.