It’s perfectly normal for the man in your life to find your friends attractive, and it’s equally acceptable for you to secretly like the other men in his life.
But as a psychotherapist and relationship counselor I have worked with many couples who discovered that a seemingly harmless infatuation had escalated to create tension, conflict, and even led to affairs and new relationships that meant the end of their marriages. My advice is to keep an open mind and trust in the bonds that brought you and your partner together in the first place.
However, pay close attention to your instincts and if some aspect of your relationship has changed or doesn’t feel right and you suspect that your partner’s feelings for one of your friends may be intensifying, look for these signs that things may be getting worse. . control and read what to do about it…
He starts criticizing her.
Watch for repeated mentions of your name, even in a negative context. Listing his annoying habits and exclaiming in mock irritation, “Can you believe what he’s doing?” It could indicate that he is brewing temptation. The ‘telling’ is a disproportionate awareness that seemingly comes out of nowhere, and your temptation to tell stories about it in super-charged detail could be a sign that you’re becoming obsessed.
Be aware of social plans that occur when you are busy or engaged. When their meetings always seem to be without you, you may have reason to be suspicious.
She lights up her world
Polite and pleasant behavior around your friends doesn’t mean your partner is harboring fruity fantasies, but beware of extremes: one moment he’s disengaged and empty, but then he lights up with giddy excitement when she enters the room. You could have a problem.
He acts as the hero.
A partner or husband’s job is to be more attentive to you than anyone else, so red flags start to fly if you become too helpful to a friend, jumping to rescue her from disaster and searching for an exhaustive solution to a problem. potentially complicated problem. matter of life. Huffing and puffing to help your friends can sometimes be a very good thing!
If you start working harder at the gym or take pride in your new haircut, it could be a sign that you want to show off to someone you want to pay attention to.
Make plans when you’re not free
Be aware of social plans that occur when you are busy or engaged. You can chalk it up to coincidence once or twice, but when their meetings (even in a group) always seem to happen without you, you might have reason to be suspicious.
He shows empathy
If she likes one of your friends, she might try to hide her attention but inadvertently express empathy for her if she’s struggling. This may show that she is losing perspective. Be on the lookout for scenarios in which he is relatively unfriendly.
Improve your act
This is a cliché for good reason. If she starts working harder at the gym or takes a lot of pride in her new haircut, you might wonder who she’s dressing for. It could be vanity or a sign you want to show and there may be someone in mind you want to pay attention to. Inspiration and motivation often come with falling in love.
He gets grumpy
If he’s really in love with one of your friends, he may have withdrawal symptoms when you’re not in his orbit and take out his frustration on you. Trigger phrases include: “She’s so calm, why can’t you be more relaxed?” or “she Sometimes she wouldn’t hurt to dress up.” The comparisons could be a sign that he is starting to idealize her.
…This is what you should do
Even if you spot these signs, it’s just a hunch, so it would be a mistake to assume you know how this will play out. My advice is to stay alert but wait to see if something comes up. The best thing you can do is bide your time and, if something is happening, allow them to reveal themselves and expose their betrayal.
Charlotte Fox Weber
As told to Louise Atkinson by @charlottefoxweberpsychotherapy