Timothy McLaughlin, 42, felt the need to respond and write his own obituary for his father James J. Becker, 81, pictured, a retired firefighter from Milford, Connecticut.
A scathing obituary written by a son who was disowned a decade earlier by his late firefighter father was quickly removed from the Internet.
The writer, Timothy McLaughlin, 42, felt the need to respond to an obituary for his father James J. Becker, 81, a retired firefighter from Milford, Connecticut.
The tribute described Becker, who was a Jehovah’s Witness, as a lover of his faith. Becker loved camping and road trips to Florida watching Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune, he stated.
But there was one line in particular that McLaughlin took issue with: “However, the quality for which many will remember him most fondly was his love of people,” the family’s obituary said.
McLaughlin, who was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness but later abandoned the faith, explained how his family had excluded and rejected him for ten years after he left the religion.
He described feeling deeply hurt at having been “kicked out” and separated from his father since October 1, 2013, so he decided to set the record straight.
Timothy McLaughlin, 42, left, with his husband, Joseph McLaughlin.
McLaughlin’s version of his father’s obituary read in part: “the previous obituary written by the family was very misleading.” He was accurate in saying that the part of James’ life he valued most was his religion as a Jehovah’s Witness, but he did not mention to what extent… this included disowning and rejecting his adult son, Timothy, when he decided to leave the religion in October 2013.’
McLaughlin’s obituary attracted attention on social media as it sought to rectify what it saw as glaring omissions and misrepresentations in the family’s initial tribute.
He emphasized how the family’s obituary failed to recognize the extent of his father’s rejection and rejection of him after he abandoned the Jehovah’s Witnesses faith, which he describes as “cult-like.”
McLaughlin said religion requires “rejection” when it is officially “expelled.”
But 24 hours later, the obituary was removed from the website.
Legacy, the platform through which you attempted to publish this obituary, above, removed it citing references to family conflicts and negative comments about the deceased as reasons for removing it.
Legacy, the platform through which he attempted to publish it, cited references to family conflicts and negative comments about the deceased as reasons for removing the obituary.
The second obituary was also supposed to appear in a Connecticut newspaper on Sunday, but was later pulled.
McLaughlin seems to be at peace with the decision, as he said everyone he wanted to see has already done so.
‘Everyone who wants to see it has seen it. He fulfilled the purpose of him: to take control of the narrative,” McLaughlin told The morning call. “Writing that obituary was very cathartic.”
He explained that writing the obituary was a deeply cathartic experience for him.
McLaughlin felt the need to write his obituary to his father after his family effectively rejected him after he left the Jehovah’s Witnesses religion.
After expressing condolences, the site that removed the post, Legacy, wrote: “We cannot publish this obituary because it references family conflicts and includes negative references about the deceased.” McLaughlin received a full refund.
McLaughlin, who is gay and has been married for eight years to Joseph McLaughlin, was surprised to have been mentioned among his father’s surviving children in the family’s initial obituary.
However, she was hurt by the omission of her husband’s name and their relationship, but included those details in her own version.
“The above obituary also failed to mention my beloved husband of eight years, Joseph McLaughlin, whom they chose never to meet and refuse to acknowledge,” Timothy wrote.
“They didn’t attend our wedding, they never met our son when we took them in, and they never set foot in our house (although our house is welcome to all!).”
McLaughlin points out how he came out as gay to his parents at age 23. Although homosexuality is considered a sin in the faith, he was allowed to remain in the religion as long as he remained celibate, which he believes is now an unnatural expectation.
He acknowledged that while his father had some positive traits such as his love of Yahtzee and other activities, he criticized the family’s obituary for not addressing the pain and dehumanization he experienced in the aftermath due to their different beliefs.
“None of them contacted me when my father died,” McLaughlin added. “I discovered it secondhand.”
Despite the challenges, McLaughlin has said he feels an obligation to speak out and shed light on his experiences to others who may be struggling with similar situations within the Jehovah’s Witnesses faith.
‘I must say that despite all the pain you have caused, my life is full of love and happiness and the loss is truly yours. Thank you to all of our friends who offered their condolences last week, despite the complicated circumstances,” she wrote.
McLaughlin points out how he came out as gay to his parents at age 23.
Although homosexuality is considered a sin in the faith, he was allowed to remain in the religion as long as he remained celibate, which he believes is now an unnatural expectation.
“I’m not trying to vilify the people who make up the base,” McLaughlin clarified.
“The organization targets some of the kindest, most well-intentioned people who may be at a vulnerable time in their lives or who are desperately seeking answers,” he said.
Jehovah’s Witnesses issued a statement in response to McLaughlin’s claims.
‘Jehovah’s Witnesses respect free will and the right of each individual to decide what religious beliefs they may have. We believe that each individual has the right to change his or her belief system if he or she so chooses. With this in mind, we do not impose our beliefs on anyone,” the statement reads in part.
