Nowhere is the lack of etiquette knowledge better exposed than in a restaurant.
After all, there are many possibilities for making a mistake: at the entrance, when sitting down, when eating, and when calling for the waiters.
It’s a minefield even for the educated among us.
Fortunately, the dos and don’ts of restaurant behavior is a topic that etiquette guru Sara Jane Ho covers in her fascinating new book, Mind Your Manners.
Read on for some of the highlights, from knowing who should enter first to whether the host or guest sits with their back to the room.
MAKE AN ENTRY
The dos and don’ts of restaurant behavior is a topic that etiquette guru Sara Jane Ho (above) covers in her fascinating new book, Mind Your Manners.
Sara says: ‘Whoever made the reservation goes first because they are the host.
‘The guest always gets the best seat, which could be a view of the room or a beautiful sunset or ocean.
‘The worst view is from a wall, so the host should take it.
‘If you’re the host, remember that people want to be told what to do, so don’t say “oh, sit anywhere.” Unless there’s a huge group and that makes sense.’
INSTALLATION AND ORDERING
Sara, host of the Netflix series Mind Your Manners, says, “Put your napkin on your lap when your host does.” If a minute has passed and they haven’t done it, you can go ahead and do it anyway.’
And what about putting the order into action?
Sara admits that she gets upset if there is too much talking and not enough scrutiny of the dishes on offer.
But she has a solution.
Sara says, “Say, ‘I hear the roast chicken here is simply divine,’ as you open the menu; it’s so perfect, your dining companion won’t even notice.”
CUTLERY
Cutlery should never touch the table again once you pick it up, says Sara
Mind Your Manners by Sara: An Insider’s Guide to Social Fluency (Bluebird) is available on Amazon
Sara has a golden rule for cutlery: “Once you pick up the cutlery, it can never touch the table again.”
And that includes the handles: “so don’t rest the knife blade on the plate while the handle rests on the table.”
Any other prohibited cutlery?
A few, Sara says: “don’t hold the fork like a shovel, don’t hold the knife like a pen, and don’t lick the knife.”
THE BREAD BASKET
Always offer bread to others first, Sara points out.
THE MAIN EVENT
So your food has arrived. Now what?
For starters, Sara says, “don’t cut all your food into small pieces” and, in a fine dining restaurant, don’t “spin your plate while trying to access a certain food.”
HOW TO LEAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM
For starters, never say you’re going to the bathroom.
Sara says: “When you want to get up from the table to go to the bathroom, it’s classy to say ‘I’m going to wash my hands’ or ‘excuse me for a moment.’
WHAT IF YOUR DISH HAS NOT GOED WITH THOSE OF THE OTHERS?
Sara says: ‘If your plate hasn’t come out at the same time as everyone else’s, you should tell everyone to please start eating while their food is hot.’
HOW TO CALL THE SERVER
Sara says, “I recommend raising your hand to their ears to get their attention and then trying to make eye contact.”
THE INVOICE
‘Ask for the bill if you’re the hostess,’ says Sara, ‘so the waiter knows to give it to you directly. That avoids the inevitable awkward disputes if you intend to pay for them yourself.
‘If you expect others to share it with you, pause for a moment. Your guests should quickly offer to contribute their fair share. If you are a guest, do not hesitate to offer when this time comes.
Mind Your Manners by Sara: An Insider’s Guide to Social Fluency (Tile) Is available in Amazon. For more from Sara visit her instagram profile.
