Admitting that you have a favorite child may seem like committing a crime against motherhood. It is the definitive taboo for parents.
But as human beings we are fundamentally predisposed to bow for people whose behavior seems more attractive to us.
In any other family relationship, it is good to have a favorite; Many of us would admit that we are closer to one father than another or that we have a better relationship with a particular brother or grandfather.
But when it comes to the mother-child relationship, a woman is expected to deactivate that normal response.
The word “favorite” suddenly becomes incendiary, because people equipped please with loving, assuming that, favoring one child about another, you love him more. This is not the case at all.
I have two children, eighteen, and a five -year -old daughter, and I have a favorite son.
I love you equally and I would find a flame building for each of them. But here is the question: the child I prefer changes day after day, sometimes time after hour. It all depends on how they are behaving and the impact that this is having on me.
The child I prefer changes day by day, writes the therapist Anna Mathur
Do I get wake up at night, ashamed and worried that this makes me a bad mother, which is what customers have told me what the days when they feel like one of their children? At all.
But that is because, as a psychotherapist, I understand the science behind how my brain is scheduled to gravitate towards calm.
If one of my children is noisy and unpredictable, my nervous system knows that this will create a stress response in me. And so, he will lead me to the child who offers the softer and relaxed trip.
The favoritism of parents is really no more complicated than that. But it is a hot topic at the moment, after scientists from the USAGam Young University of the US analyzed 30 studies on the subject in depth.
They discovered that both mothers and fathers slightly prefer their daughters to their sons.
Why could that be? The results suggested that it could be due to the fact that girls are often easier to raise.
We tend to think that children are more lively, noisy and energetic. Meanwhile, girls are likely to be calmer and more introspective. It is also more likely to look for emotional connections from an earlier age and their linguistic development usually comes before, which can make it easier to start connecting with them before.
Of course, parents know that both sexes can show the features I just described, which only adds weight to my belief that it is the behavior towards which we gravitate and not the child itself.
Customers have told me how their attempts to quell the natural feelings of preference have led them to behave in ways that have made their children more damage than well.
Kill, after all, is a painful feeling for anyone.
But if we internalize that shame, just end up sideways. Those feelings exhaust our emotional energy and can make us more likely to criticize the child who is playing, which he, in turn, could misunderstand that you love your calmer brothers more than them.
Over the years, I have worked with many customers deeply impacted by how, when they grow up, they felt they were the least loved child. That made some people who pleased people, and in others he created feelings of hopelessness that they will never be good enough.
If only their parents had felt able to talk to them when they were children about how their behavior sometimes found themselves challenging, but who were loved equally among their brothers. That does not mean that you should tell your child “you are not my favorite at this time”, because the danger is that I interpret it as: “I love you less at this time.”

Reflecting on your own feelings will help you get to a place where those words arise more easily, writes Anna Mathur.
But it’s okay to say: “I love you very much, but this behavior is difficult for me.”
Reflecting on your own feelings will help you get to a place where those words arise more easily. It will also help you connect with the child who is more challenging.
So, if you constantly favor each other, remember this: that does not make you a bad father, but it does offer an opportunity to reflect.
Instead of focusing on guilt, steal it with curiosity. What tells you this feeling about your needs, those of your child or the dynamics among you?
After all, being a father is not about being impeccable; It is about presenting with love, honesty and willingness to learn.
I find that if I feel that my son’s behavior stresses me, get away from the situation to have a moment of tranquility and really help myself.
Once I feel calmer, I think of spending some time with that child, doing something pleasant together to assure you that I still love him; I just didn’t like how he behaved.
Having a favorite child is really a normal part of everyday life as a father.
Your children are not perfect … and you don’t either. Sometimes, you just have to remind yourself that none of those things has anything wrong.
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