When OJ Simpson wakes up in an eternally warm sauna, we all remember the day he got his way.
It was also the day that would-be assassins around the world learned that all they needed was enough money to hire Robert Shapiro if they were ever caught red-handed.
I was on the air on MTV, a know-it-all rookie distracted from the daily grind, with one eye on the televised double murder trial, assuming, like everyone else, that a guilty verdict was a done deal.
It’s hard to put into words how colossal OJ’s figure was. A superstar athlete, brand ambassador, actor. Like Travis Kelce, but much less hairy.
Then the verdict came and everything turned upside down like Teresa Giudice’s kitchen table.
SurelyA man – even one so famous – who beat his wife for years and then killed her and her friend, leaving behind a terrible treasure map of blood and DNA, goes to prison for a long, long time?
When OJ Simpson wakes up in an eternally warm sauna, we all remember the day he got his way.
I was on MTV, a know-it-all rookie distracted from the day’s work, with one eye on the televised double-murder trial, assuming a guilty verdict was a done deal. (Pictured: OJ with his murdered wife Nicole).
She was so shocked and upset that she could barely talk to Lili Taylor, the actress she was interviewing about her upcoming movie.
I fought back tears. Lili put her hand on mine and tried to comfort me. My God, his palms were calloused. She knew she was a talented actress, but was she also a pipe fitter?
The ‘Dream Team’ of OJ lawyers had opened an unholy box, namely Pandora’s, and convinced a Los Angeles jury still bitter about the recent racial unrest in the city (following the LAPD beating of African-American Rodney King ) that bigoted cops were at it again.
They also ushered in the era of the televised celebrity trial, also known as justice by public opinion. You’re welcome, Michael Jackson and Johnny Depp.
The trial also gave America to the Kardashians. Another injustice that I won’t soon forget.
A few years later, I came face to face with the culprit who had tampered with my MTV interview.
I was shopping in a bookstore at Los Angeles International Airport, looking for a copy of Runner’s World magazine, when I backed up and collided with a man who was still fleeing in plain sight.
OJ watched me recoil in horror and gave me a strange ‘Oh yeah, it’s me’ look.
I was bursting with rage and on the verge of vomiting, but all I could muster was an angry barb: ‘God help you!’
Simpson cocked his head, frowning, and his eyes went cold, which was my sign that this squeeze wouldn’t be worth it.
A few years later, I came face to face with the culprit who had tampered with my MTV interview. I was shopping in a bookstore at Los Angeles International Airport, looking for a copy of Runner’s World magazine, when I backed up and collided with a man who was still fleeing in plain sight.
Suddenly, I remembered those famous Hertz commercials: OJ jumping over suitcases and dodging travelers as he ran through a crowded airport.
It turned out he was on crutches and had what appeared to be an injured leg and could barely chase me. But I accelerated anyway. I wasn’t taking any risks.
A few years later, I moved down the street from OJ’s Brentwood property and the condo where his wife Nicole and Ron Goldman were brutally murdered, a coincidence I only realized after the fact.
Everyone in that neighborhood knew OJ: the charmer, the coke addict, the violent homeless man.
People were whispering, but somehow OJ got a pass from all the people sharing their prosecco and a pile of disco dust in Mr. Chow’s bathroom.
When you are famous you get everything, you even get acquitted. And finally, also the visit of the Grim Reaper.
No cup of tea for Cam
After Britain’s Lord David Cameron traveled to Mar-a-Lago this week, powdered wig in hand, to beg Donald Trump to grease the wheels of Congress for an additional $60 billion in aid to Ukraine, he received a rude reception.
House Speaker Mike “I’m just responding to the Lord (Donald, not Jehovah)’ ​​Johnson snubbed Cammy and refused to meet. Not even for a cup of tea.
Perhaps D-Cam was the wrong envoy having previously criticized D-Trump as “divisive” and “stupid”?
Here’s the thing: We all want to see more funds to hit Putin by way of the Capitol.
But after shelling out $75 billion in kyiv, the world’s police are scrutinizing the family budget, and sermons from phony foreign dignitaries are as appealing as half-baked haggis.
Ricky too strident
Ricky Martin was affectionate la vida loca at Madonna’s show in Miami this week.
Fans were shocked when Madge’s cheeky, jockstrap-clad back-up boys went about Slick Rick’s business, leaving the Latin singer pitching an apparent trouser-clad tent on stage.
You have my sympathy as you recover from your recent messy divorce, Ricky. But can’t you express yourself in a less public place?
Solar melting
Arkansas nepo-baby turned governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders screamed and declared a state of emergency ahead of Monday’s eclipse.
Yes, thousands of tourists flocked to states like hers in the “path of totality,” but what did she expect?
Most put on their silly glasses and said, “Hey, cool.” It is done? before moving on with your days.
The stupendous solar hysteria – with Niagara officials issuing their own emergency warning and New Jersey even closing schools – made me nostalgic for the year 2000.
Wake me up when the Martians arrive and we’re about to be emulsified. Ack ack!
Tragicomedy!
It’s over for serial gratuitous nudist Sacha Baron Cohen and his long-suffering wife Isla Fisher. But something suspicious is afoot.
Sources say sex pest allegations made by professional headache Rebel Wilson were the nail in the marital coffin.
In her plaintive memoir, the newly thin Rebel claimed that Baron von Cohen forced her to visit his fingers in his rectory (to use an old church expression) while filming a 2016 comedy.
But then unreleased footage seemed to contradict her hickory dickory side, suggesting that she was, in fact, on board with all the silly scatology on the set.
When the going got tough, Isla sped off into the sunset, despite secretly divorcing Sacha last year, keeping the family happy by pretending for months.
She announced the split with an Insta photo of them both in matching tennis outfits. Stay weird, kids!
It’s over for serial gratuitous nudist Sacha Baron Cohen and his long-suffering wife Isla Fisher.
Who runs the world?
Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, Beyonce, Cardi B, Ariana Grande, Gaga, Miley and Dua have all released new music this year or promise releases in the near future.
So where are the boys?
These musical maidens have a total net worth of $2.6 billion. Harry Styles is practically an honorary dame.
Whoever said it was a man’s world was deaf!
Double Billion Dollar Heartbreak
Last year, after just 18 months of marriage, her new husband and high school chemistry teacher, Dan Jewett, squandered $38 billion on Mackenzie Scott like she was a failed science experiment.
Now, with the ink on the divorce paper still wet, the first Mrs. Jeff Bezos has been humiliated once again. Jewett has found new chemistry with an ordinary Mackenzie lookalike.
Meanwhile, Jeff, the giant, is more excited than ever, in love with the lively Lauren Sánchez and about to get married.
If I were Mackenzie, I’d shake my hair out of these bug-eyed rags, buy a yacht, and sail away on her tears.
Stop!
Kanye West continues to parade his hostage/wife Bianca Censori dressed as a XXX-rated ruffian.
This helpless, fantasy-filled woman may be in serious trouble, but frankly, I’m bored to death of these retina-searing displays. Thanks, below.
Kanye West continues to parade his hostage/wife Bianca Censori dressed as a XXX-rated ruffian.
Change after crash
Gypsy Rose Blanchard, mother killer and Munchausen victim by proxy, chose the same week to touch up her beak and get rid of the geek.
She separated from her homely husband and fell in love again with her thinner ex-fiancé on the way to the rhinoplasty clinic.
Clearly, our girl is adjusting well to life outside of the jingle!