Would you tell a friend to lose weight? Mom shares opinion after reassuring her size 20 buddy ‘she looks perfect’ – because her husband called her a ‘fat one’
- British Mumsnet user assured her size 20 friend that she is ‘not overweight at all’
- Comforted her friend because of her husband’s comments about her size
- Said she hadn’t admitted the truth because she was afraid to offend her
- Other users were divided on comments, with some saying she should be honest
A mother has a divided opinion about whether it is appropriate to tell a friend to lose weight.
Anonymous writing on Mumsnet, the woman – presumably from the UK – explained how her size 20 friend sought solace after her husband teased her about her weight and called her an ‘official fat’.
She assured the friend that her weight was fine, but said she was aware that it may not be in the best interest of her friend for her long-term health.
The woman’s post sparked a heat discussion, with many people claiming that she should have told her friend that she should lose weight, while others said they would have responded the same way.
A British woman shared the internet after revealing that she lied to her a size 20 friend when asked about her opinion on her body size (file image)
The woman explained the situation and wrote, “A friend called me in tears tonight when her DH jokingly called her an ‘official fat’ after she got home from shopping.
“She had shown him her new size 20 jeans, but forgot to cut the size label as she normally does. Then he said those terrible words. She asked me frankly if I thought she was fat. ‘
She continued, “For one thing, I don’t like the word fat because I find it offensive and humiliating. She’s short and, to be honest, overweight, but I couldn’t have said this because she sounded desperate.
Instead, I told her she’s not overweight at all and looks fine. This seemed to put her at ease, which I think is good, but it is not entirely true or for the sake of her health. ‘
The woman explained on Mumsnet that she was concerned about insulting her friend with the truth about how her weight affects her health and appearance
She continued, “How would you have answered that question if you were caught on the hop?
“I’m always worried about insulting people, even if I’ve known them for years, so I don’t think I could ever say to an overweight person, even if they asked me to answer the question honestly!”
A stream of reactions condemned the woman for not being honest with her friend about the dangers of her size and how it could affect her health.
One person said, “I think you were in a difficult situation, but no, I don’t think you did the right thing. I don’t see that she could have really believed you – no one in size 20 doesn’t realize it’s a big size and she must be quite overweight.
A series of comments to the post argued that the woman should have been honest with her friend because lying wouldn’t improve the situation
“It’s done now and probably not right for you to discuss it with her, but I think you should decide that if you have a similar conversation in the future, you’re more honest with her.”
“I would have told her the truth. Yes, she is overweight. Nothing helps against lying to her and she also knows the truth. That she cuts the cards off her clothes is in denial of her life. ‘
“I would also have provided all the support she needs to get healthy. Being small and a size 20 is very heavy and quite dangerous for her future, ”said another.
A third added, “I don’t think you should tell her she’s not fat at all, if she’s a size 20 and she’s cutting labels off her clothes, she’s sure she’s too fat.
“You should be able to have honest conversations with your friends, but I’m sure she knows deep down that you were trying to save her feelings.”
Meanwhile, other users said they would have lied to their friend too, agreeing that this was not the time for an honest discussion about tackling her weight
Others tried to reassure the woman that she had made the right decision not to criticize her friend’s weight.
One person said, “A little lie in this context really doesn’t hurt in my opinion. Your girlfriend probably realizes she’s really overweight, it’s no one but hers how to handle that, so what would have been the point of rubbing it in.
“Her husband’s comment would have hurt her and you probably wanted to say something nice. I personally think that a white lie is justified in these circumstances. ‘
Another confessed that she wouldn’t want to destroy a friend’s self-confidence by telling the truth, but suggested that an honest conversation could take place at a time when they’re not upset.
She wrote, “YANBU. I would have done the same as you, it was not the time to tell her the truth, it would have destroyed her confidence.
“Maybe I’ll come back with suggestions if she’s less upset and ready to listen to you.”
What is obesity? Adults with a BMI over 30 are considered obese
Obesity is defined as an adult with a BMI of 30 or older.
A healthy person’s BMI – calculated by dividing weight in kg by height in meters, and answer again by height – is between 18.5 and 24.9.
In children, overweight is defined as being in the 95th percentile.
Percentiles compare young people to others of the same age.
For example, if a three-month-old child is in the fortieth percentile, that means 40 percent of three-month-old children weigh the same or less than that baby.
About 58 percent of women and 68 percent of men in the UK are overweight or obese.
The condition costs the NHS approximately £ 6.1 billion annually, out of its estimated budget of £ 124.7 billion.
This is because obesity increases a person’s risk for a number of life-threatening conditions.
Such conditions include type 2 diabetes, which can cause kidney disease, blindness, and even limb amputations.
Research indicates that at least one in six hospital beds in the UK is taken up by a diabetic.
Obesity also increases the risk of heart disease, which kills 315,000 people in the UK each year, making it the leading cause of death.
Carrying dangerous amounts of weight has also been linked to 12 different cancers.
This includes breast cancer, which affects one in eight women at some point in their lives.
Research in children shows that 70 percent of obese young people have high blood pressure or elevated cholesterol, putting them at risk for heart disease.
Obese children are also significantly more likely to become obese adults.
And when children are overweight, their obesity in adulthood is often more serious.
As many as one in five children start overweight or obese in the UK, rising to one in three by the time they turn 10.