- John and Julie Gottman shared the key characteristics of a strong marriage
- They said that making love frequently is less vital to a relationship than one might think.
- They added that it is more important to build ‘a sense of security and connection’
World-renowned relationship experts have revealed how important sex really is in a marriage and how often couples should be intimate.
American psychologists and longtime couple Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman have spent more than four decades “devoting their lives to the research and practice of fostering healthy, long-lasting relationships,” according to their website.
They recently sat down on Paul C. Brunson’s podcast. we need to talk to share some of the key characteristics for a happy and healthy romance.
And according to love gurus, making love frequently is less vital to a strong relationship than one might think.
“The first marriage study done in 1938 by Lewis Terman (found) that there was no relationship between how often couples had sex and how happily married they were,” John explained.
World-renowned relationship experts have revealed how important sex really is in a marriage and how often couples should be intimate.
Lewis, a Stanford University psychologist, surveyed 800 married couples about 400 different characteristics of their relationships and “found little or no relationship between the frequency of sexual intercourse and marital satisfaction,” the study said. New York Times previously reported.
John said there is “enormous variability in how often people have sex” in happy marriages, and that there is “no right number” of times you should be intimate in a week.
The award-winning doctor said having good sex with your partner depends on how strong your romance is, rather than what’s actually happening in the bedroom.
“People who have a great sex life say I love you every day and they mean it, they kiss passionately for no reason,” she continued.
“They give compliments and surprise gifts, they hug a lot, they are affectionate even in public, and they go on romantic dates and romantic vacations.”
Julie added that it’s more important to create “a sense of security and emotional connection” with your partner than to focus on lust, and once that’s in place, good sex will occur naturally.
As for her “keys” to a long-lasting marriage, Julie said it’s vital to have a “positive outlook” on your partner and give them the “benefit of the doubt” if something goes wrong.
He also said that happy couples should learn to “manage conflict” together, “honor each other’s dreams” and constantly congratulate each other.
American psychologists Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman attended Paul C. Brunson’s We Need to Talk podcast to share some of the key characteristics of a happy, healthy romance.
And according to love gurus, making love frequently is less vital to a strong relationship than one might think.
John said there is “enormous variability in how often people have sex” in happy marriages, and that there is no “right” number of times you should be intimate in a week (file image)
‘Admiration is really important. And it can’t be something you just think but never say or express, it has to be something you say all the time,” he said.
“Say what you love about your partner, what you respect about your partner, that’s very important.”
John added that “trust and commitment” are the “foundations” of all romances.
“Both people have to think twice, you have to really think about what will benefit both of them,” he said.
‘Even when Julie is not with me, she is with me and I am thinking about her. In the decisions I make and the things I do, I know she has my back.’