A mother has divided opinion after saying she doesn’t think her husband should have a say in how he spends his money.
The unnamed woman, believed to be based in the UK, took to the parenting forum. momsnet to ask others for their thoughts on the situation.
His post was titled [Am I being unreasonable] To think that DH can’t decide how I spend my money or how much I spend?’
In it, she detailed her delicate situation and revealed that she planned to instruct lawyers to represent her in a defamation case. However, her husband wanted her to use a cheaper company.
An anonymous woman asked people on Mumsnet if her husband should have a say in how he spends his money (file photo)
In the post, the woman revealed that she wanted to spend on it to file a defamation case, but her husband was concerned about the cost.
The post elicited a variety of responses, with many people saying they initially feel large expenses are a matter for the family to decide.
In it, he wrote: “I have ordered a law firm to act on my behalf for libel.
“My dear husband at the time agreed that I was doing the right thing in getting legal advice and instructing the lawyers, however now a few weeks later he said he was not happy with the law firm I chose because he considered it “too expensive”.
‘I’m using my own wages/salary to pay these legal fees and it doesn’t come out of his salary and he didn’t make me contribute less money to the household or anything, so Aibu thinks he can’t decide which law firm I name?
For many Mumsnetters, the principle of the matter was the key issue, with many noting that for large payouts, both partners should be able to have their say.
Have you said that you think I should switch to a “cheaper” law firm? I have instructed a well-known London law firm to act on my behalf.
Several respondents felt her husband was entitled to an opinion, with one writing, “I think you have a right to comment if you think something is too expensive, even if it doesn’t come out of your money.” Surely people can say things like that to family members.
Another added: ‘I think for big buys, and this sounds like a big buy, then it’s only fair to discuss it before committing.
‘We do that and neither has ever vetoed the other, but we are also reasonable in our spending.
Other posters pointed out that it’s not just about the cartel outlay now, but the potential costs you could incur that could affect your partner as well.
‘You must be earning a lot to be able to embark on a court case for defamation.’
And a third agreed, writing: ‘Of course he’s entitled to an opinion, but if you can afford it, he can’t tell you what to do. He is not your boss.
For other cartels, the initial outlay was not so much the problem as the possible additional costs, which could affect the whole family.
One Mumsnetter explained: ‘If you lose and get a cost order against you that you can’t pay and end up bankrupt, it will affect your DH and family finances.’
And another agreed, writing: ‘Of course I should have something to say. If you lose and have to pay costs, both of you could suffer financially since you are married. The fees could absolutely go up if you are using a top tier law firm. You really have to have a plan for what you might face if you don’t win and at what point you would be ready to walk away.’
Meanwhile, another respondent said: “You don’t have the right to comment on something like a new bag, but this could ultimately affect you if you had to pay huge legal costs, for example.” He can’t make you do anything, but I think he has a right to care and investigate something like this.
A smaller number of respondents felt that the person posting the post should be able to spend their money as they please, and that it has nothing to do with their partner.
However, a minority of others felt that since the cartel planned to spend their own money on the case, it should be entirely their decision.
One wrote: ‘As long as you can afford it, I don’t think you are unreasonable at all. It’s a shame you told your husband the cost.
Another added: ‘It’s your money and it’s up to you how you spend it. He can express his opinion, but it is his decision and it seems that he has a very strong opinion about it.
“Usually we argue about how much money I want to spend on a vacation, but when there are 7 of you it’s always going to be more expensive. Good luck with your case x’
And a third simply wrote: ‘Yanbu [you are not being unreasonable]. Your money, your case.