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Woman says she is ‘bitter’ after her mother revealed she plans to leave the house to her brother

A ‘financially stable’ woman has said she feels ‘bitter’ after her mother revealed that she plans to leave the family home to her brother who ‘has no money’.

The anonymous woman, believed to be from the UK, did Mumsnet and wrote: “Earlier this year my mother put me down and explained that she had decided to leave her house to my brother instead of both of us. In fact, that’s most of the legacy. There won’t really be anything else. ‘

And many quickly took to the comments section – admitting that they too would feel “hurt and angry” by the decision.

‘That’s horrible. It has to be fair between siblings and you shouldn’t be punished for being better off financially (which could change), ‘one wrote, while a second wrote,’ I would be hurt and quite upset in your situation. My husband has a brother or sister who is much better off than us. Despite this, I would never expect his parents to do anything other than divide the estate equally. ‘

An anonymous woman, presumably from the UK, went to Mumsnet and told how her mother had put her down and explained that she had decided to leave the house to her brother - instead of the two of them. Pictured, stock image

An anonymous woman, presumably from the UK, went to Mumsnet and told how her mother had put her down and explained that she had decided to leave the house to her brother – instead of the two of them. Pictured, stock image

In the first post, the woman explained: ‘Due to its location, it is a relatively expensive house. Her reason for this is that my brother has no money or husband and I am financially comfortable. ‘

She went on to explain that her brother lives abroad and works for the church, which supports him – but he doesn’t make any money. She added that while she and her partner are comfortable, they are in no way rich.

She continued: “Besides, the pandemic has made his job quite insecure. It will likely remain uncertain for a while, so who knows what the future holds. ‘

While the woman said she was willing to accept that it was her mother’s decision, she added that a few things kept going on in her mind.

The woman explained that her brother lives abroad and works for the church, which supports him - but he makes no money. She added that while she and her partner are comfortable, they are in no way rich (pictured)

The woman explained that her brother lives abroad and works for the church, which supports him - but he makes no money. She added that while she and her partner are comfortable, they are in no way rich (pictured)

The woman explained that her brother lives abroad and works for the church, which supports him – but he makes no money. She added that while she and her partner are comfortable, they are in no way rich (pictured)

“ First, the pandemic and our resulting financial situation that keeps her from being okay to do this because I and I feel comfortable, and second, because I’ve always felt like she preferred my brother, ”she explained.

“He’s been a Christian since we were young. I am not. I was a troubled teenager and I am clearly now living a non-Christian life that she dislikes. I know she loves me and we get along, but deep down this feels like yet another sign that she sees my brother differently from me. ‘

She went on to say she feels she should say something because she feels “ bitter ” – but added that she’s not sure what to do.

“ It’s not specifically about the money because I wouldn’t care if neither of us got anything, but to leave everything to my brother because of the choices he’s made, while also getting a decent job and a comfortable life just feels unfair, ‘she said.

Many supported the woman and admitted that they would have been left hurt if they were in that position (photo)

Many supported the woman and admitted that they would have been left hurt if they were in that position (photo)

Many supported the woman and admitted that they would have been left hurt if they were in that position (photo)

‘Should I tell her how I feel or should I just leave it? It feels like a really awkward conversation to have. I honestly believe that I am not entitled to anything, but I also think that if anything, it should be divided between me and my brother. ‘

Many urged the woman to talk to her mother and explain how she was feeling.

‘I would certainly say how you feel, otherwise it will nibble on you. Yes, it will be awkward, but no more than the conversation she started to tell you she would leave her house to you, ”someone commented.

As PP said, it is completely unfair for parents not to leave everything honest – a) because it arouses feelings of unlovedness, or the least favored child – however dressed up and b) because, as you discover, the circumstances can change .

“People lose businesses, get divorced, get married in wealth, need expensive care or medical treatment all the time, etc. You can’t know when you write a will what the conditions of your DCS will be when you die. Be sure to tell her how you feel. ‘

Another agreed: “Tell her you respect her choice, but you don’t think it’s fair. She should love her children equally, regardless of their life choices.

Others disagreed, arguing that it is the mother's money and ultimately this is her decision (photo)

Others disagreed, arguing that it is the mother's money and ultimately this is her decision (photo)

Others disagreed, arguing that it is the mother’s money and ultimately this is her decision (photo)

It’s going to be a tough conversation, but I think it’s going to make you more and more angry if you leave it unspoken. ‘

However, some argued instead that it’s the mother’s money – and that’s ultimately her decision what to do with it.

Personally, it is her house, so it is her choice whoever she leaves it. YANBU to feel hurt, but YABU to expect to change her will, ” one wrote, while a second agreed:

YANBU to feel bitter and hurt and I think you should tell her this but the reality is it’s her money / property and she can do whatever she wants with it. From her perspective, your brother is doing a good Christian thing and wants to pay him back. Not entirely fair, but it’s her choice in the end. ‘

A third added: ‘I don’t think she made the right choice, but it’s her choice to make. It’s okay to tell her how you feel if you want to, but I think it’s best to accept that she made this decision based on her own values. (Perhaps seeing it as a support and reward for him for doing what she sees as God’s work). ‘

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