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Will Smith admits that being made to feel like a coward ‘activates my most violent trigger’

Will Smith admitted in his memoir that feeling like a coward was “my most violent trigger” in a passage that helps explain why he punched Chris Rock at the Oscars.

Smith wrote that seeing his father brutally beat up his mother when he was nine years old “defined who I am today more than any other moment.”

The Men in Black star admitted that he “always considered myself a coward” for not intervening in the beating.

He called his father a “violent alcoholic” and said he was considering suicide because of the shame of not standing up to him.

Smith’s shooting in “Will,” released last November, sheds new light on his performance at the Oscars that shook the world.

Will Smith shocked the world Sunday night when he punched Chris Rock on the Oscars stage for making a joke about his wife Jada Pinkett Smith

Will Smith shocked the world Sunday night when he punched Chris Rock on the Oscars stage for making a joke about his wife Jada Pinkett Smith

Will Smith and his father Willard

Will Smith and his mother Caroline

In a telling passage from his memoir “Will,” the actor wrote that feeling like a coward was “my most violent trigger.” He admitted that he “always considered myself a coward” for failing to intervene when his alcoholic father brutally beat his mother. Will is in the picture with his parents

He slammed Rock after the comedian joked that Smith’s wife Jada Pinkett Smith was bald — in fact, her shaved head is due to alopecia.

While Rock was presenting the Oscar for Best Documentary, Smith walked onto the stage in the unscripted moment and punched him with his right hand.

Smith's shooting in 'Will', which was released last November, sheds new light on his performance at the Oscars that shocked the world

Smith’s shooting in ‘Will’, which was released last November, sheds new light on his performance at the Oscars that shocked the world

Although Smith’s actions divided viewers and commentators, his reasons for acting as he did are evident in his memoir.

Viewers saw Smith sitting up in his chair, eyes bulging with rage as he told Rock, “Keep my wife’s name out of your damn mouth.”

In “Will,” Smith recalled how when his career as a rapper began to crumble, being pushed away by his longtime collaborator DJ Jazzy Jeff hurt him deeply.

Smith wrote that the episode “triggered my most violent trigger: I had fought all my life not to be a coward.”

Smith traces it to watching his own father Willard Smith Sr beat up his mother when he was a child and was dogged by guilt for the rest of his life.

Smith wrote that he “has always considered myself a coward” because I did not intervene in these incidents.

Smith recalled a horrific episode when he was nine when he “watched my father hit my mother so hard on the side of her head that she collapsed.”

He wrote: ‘I saw her spitting blood. That moment, in that bedroom, probably more than any other moment, defined who I am today.”

In a now highly relevant part, he went on: “In everything I’ve done since – the award and accolades, the spotlight and the attention, the characters and the laughter, there’s a subtle series of apologies to my mother for my inaction that day.” .

“To abandon her at that moment. Because I didn’t stand up to my father. Because you’re a coward.”

Smith admitted in the book that his father — whom he called “Daddio” — was “violent, he was an alcoholic,” but he was also at every “game, play, or recital.”

In

In “Will,” Smith recalled how when his career as a rapper started to crumble, being pushed away by DJ Jazzy Jeff, his longtime collaborator, hurt him deeply. Together in the picture in 1986

Jada supported her husband after he defended her by walking onstage to punch Rock.  They are pictured at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party

Jada supported her husband after he defended her by walking onstage to punch Rock. They are pictured at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party

Willard was also sober at every movie premiere of Smith, and he still considered him his “hero.”

But Smith wrote that because of his father, he always felt “haunted by a haunting feeling that I am abandoning the women I love.”

Smith wrote that he would “always do too much” in his relationships and “desperately try to please” his partner.

As a result, he became a ‘pleaser’ and developed his public personality – as an entertainer and actor.

Smith wrote that when he was 13 his father beat his mother for the last time and it was one of the two times in his life that he contemplated suicide.

Smith’s troubled relationship with other men erupted when Jada befriended the late rapper Tupac Shakur, a friendship Smith says “tortured” him.

Smith thought Tupac was more masculine and he had a “raging jealousy” towards him that made him feel “inadequate.”

When Jada chose Smith, he felt it was a “twisted kind of win,” which made him feel ashamed.

Smith seemed to hint at his inner turmoil in his Best Actor Oscar acceptance speech when he talked about “protecting” his family.

He said that for his mother, “a lot of this moment is very complicated for me.”

Smith said, ‘I know to do what we do, you have to be able to take abuse, make people talk crazy about you. In this business you have to be able to have people who don’t respect you.

“You have to smile and pretend it’s okay.”

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