Perfecting the art of conversation is a powerful tool, but apparently so is learning how to escape them.
Most people will have found themselves trapped in tediously boring chat at least one point in their lives. But surprising harvard research shows that, in fact, only 2 percent of conversations end when both sides want them to end.
The study attributes this to “incompatible desires.” Simply put, one person wants to keep yammering on about whatever nonsense interests them, while the other is desperately looking for a clean way out without seeming rude or insensitive.
As the experimental psychologist Adam Mastroianni said when Wall Street Journal: ‘A conversation is a bit like driving on the highway. There are only certain points where entry or exit is permitted without causing considerable damage.’
The WSJ column suggested we could learn a thing or two from rats. When placed in a maze, they are happy to be there. But with the right motivation, whether by heating the ground or giving them a small electric shock, they soon get moving.
To avoid resorting to electric shocks, the general advice is to use boredom as a signal that an outing needs to be gracefully initiated. But how can you do this without offending?…
Fortunately, a lot of influencers on TikTok have made a hobby of providing helpful tips to avoid conversations they find boring.
Jefferson Fisher, a Texas trial attorney who creates videos focused on how to be an effective communicator, offered some gentle ways to close a conversation.
Fisher calls one of his techniques “closing the loop.”
“If we start talking about family first, then work, and then… anything else, I’ll bring the conversation back to where it started, which would be family,” Fisher said.
“For example, you might say, ‘Well, I’m glad to hear that everyone in the family is doing great. “It’s been a pleasure seeing you.”
Her final tip for her followers was to leave a positive impression by simply complimenting the person you’re talking to and saying their name at the end of the chat.
Another TikTok creator, Josh Otusanya, agreed with Fisher’s idea of congratulating the person you’re about to run away from, but says you should pair it with the magic words: “One little thing before I go.”
Hit the person with that phrase, then lavish them with a little flattery before running away, Otusanya explained.
Others on social media said that, when at a networking event, an honest way to leave a conversation that’s going nowhere is to wait for a lull and then say something like, “I’m going to socialize a little.” It was great meeting you.’
TipsWithErin, which primarily posts short comedic skits about navigating corporate office culture, also weighed in and provided the do’s and don’ts for freeing yourself from the clutches of an unwanted argument. She says walking away slowly while the person is talking or abruptly going to the bathroom are not the best tactics.
If you want some excuses that aren’t so honest and require some confidence to pull off, TikToker rjmclok suggested answering a fake phone call, saying that her son is waiting in the car or that she has ice cream in her bag.
Meanwhile, Elisabeth Crain, a psychotherapist, told the Wall Street Journal that giving the person you’re talking to a time limit can be effective.
Crain said to try: “I’m afraid I have to leave in the next few minutes, but I want to hear the end of your story before I go.”
Other, perhaps more obvious, tips include not asking any more questions, keeping answers short or even abrupt, looking at your watch or phone or anyone else passing by, or trying the classic line: “Well, I don’t want to keep you.” more time,’ Chicago Grandstand reported.
Still, most people have no doubt encountered persistent people who don’t consider trash talk to be “keeping them.”
So when one is stuck in that situation, a more direct approach might be more prudent.
One man, Peter Wagner, told the Wall Street Journal that he relies on a phrase that can change a topic from boring to something more interesting.
‘We have almost exhausted my interest in this topic. What else do you have?’
That line is certainly not for the faint of heart.