Ask any woman over 40 on a dating app and she’ll confirm this.
A decent middle-aged woman may attract an attractive 20- or 30-year-old man… but not an out-of-shape, bald, beer-belly 56-year-old man with numerous aches and pains.
That guy still checks the “under 40” box as a cutoff for the women he wants to meet, curiously confident that he’ll be attractive to this group.
It’s one of the reasons why many middle-aged women are discovering the joys of dating someone much younger than them, and there are many more.
Two in five women on dating app Feeld are now open to meeting members who are 15 years or younger than them.
U.S. Census data show that the percentage of marriages between older women and younger men has grown over the past two decades: 14 percent of marriages of women over 50 were to a partner at least five years younger.
Not only is it easier for women to date younger men, but those who do are happier. An American study of 300 women found that women with a partner at least ten years younger are happier than those with partners their own age or older.
Sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox (pictured) spoke to middle-aged women who choose to date younger men rather than their own contemporaries.
All hail Sienna
We can thank celebrities for helping make derogatory terms like “cougar” and “cradle robber” — applied to women who dated younger men, but never the other way around — go away.
Cher is at it, dating a 38-year-old man at 78, but she’s always been at it (good for her!). It’s when respected actresses like Sienna Miller have a baby with a partner who’s 15 years younger, that the taboo is challenged.
In a recent magazine interview, Sienna said that younger men respect women more because they’ve grown up on a slightly more level playing field.
Guess what? She’s right.
Actress Sienna Miller (left), 42, is in a relationship with actor Oli Green (right), 27.
It takes a certain type
Not all young men are open to dating older women – they tend to be self-assured, mature and confident enough to make unconventional decisions.
Not every woman is suited to this arrangement.
The type of woman who tends to date a younger man is usually better looking than average. Let’s be brutally honest: physical appearance is almost always the initial attraction factor. These women don’t necessarily look younger than they are, but they do have serious sex appeal.
I interviewed a wide range of women (aged 46-61) who had dated a man at least ten years younger to find out what their experience was like.
This is what I found out.
‘I thought I would feel self-conscious naked, but he made me feel like the sexiest woman in the world’
Nicole, 51, has been dating younger men for more than six years.
‘When people ask me why I don’t date men my age, the answer is because they don’t want to date me!
‘Any woman over 45 will share my frustration with the behaviour of older men on dating apps. Well, the feeling is mutual now that I’m younger. It’s a totally different and much more positive experience.
‘The first young guy I dated was also the only decent guy who responded to my profile.
‘At first I thought it was a joke. Why would such a young and handsome guy want to go out with me? We agreed to meet up and I was convinced he would either not show up or leave when he saw me in person. He did neither. We had a great evening and there was no pressure to have sex at the end.
“I asked him why he’d chosen me over a younger woman, and he told me he was tired of her “dramas and insecurities.” Part of me was irritated, aware that I was guilty of both of those things when I was 20, too, but it made me realize how secure I was now compared to then. I could see the appeal of being with a woman who wasn’t clingy or committed.
A 51-year-old woman told Tracey Cox that sex with her younger lover was “fantastic” (file image)
“We had sex after the third date (yes, that old rule still stood!) and it was fantastic. I thought I would feel self-conscious, but I didn’t. He made me feel like the sexiest woman in the world.”
‘The oral sex he gave me was the best I’ve ever had in my life. I couldn’t get enough of him and we saw each other for four months. After that, it was all over again – we still texted, but I don’t want a serious relationship, just a bit of fun.
‘Since then, I have dated three other younger men and each one was a pleasurable, ego-boosting experience.
‘I don’t get too much attention for what I do, although I did encounter a bit of resistance from my daughter, who is 24, at first. She was kind of laughing at me dating men not much older than her. But now that she knows I’m not going to marry one and have her call him ‘Dad,’ she thinks it’s liberating.
‘My mother wishes she could have her time again so she could do the same thing and my father says men have been doing it for years so why shouldn’t women?
“My married friends are extremely jealous of me and want to know all the intimate details. I don’t think I’ll marry a much younger man, but who knows? Never say never.”
Younger men are more attractive because…
They look great
Let’s acknowledge the less conscious but obvious attraction first, shall we? Young men are physically attractive. Young men are energetic, have more muscles, and have penises that go into an erect position within seconds.
But while this is a definite plus, most women I spoke to say that the following quality is what attracts them the most…
Data from popular dating app Feeld reveals that two in five women are now open to meeting members 15 years (or more) younger than them (stock image)
They are more positive about life.
World-weary, depressed at not having achieved what he hoped for, feeling undervalued and judged by a waking world he doesn’t quite understand… The label “grumpy old man” fits many older men.
Younger men are less jaded. They are more fun, spontaneous, curious about the world and exciting. Their energy and zest for life are both refreshing and stimulating.
Sex is better
Many middle-aged women experience a renewed sense of sexual freedom and confidence.
They are more likely to take the initiative and become the sexual aggressor than a younger woman, and less likely to sit back and let him do all the work. It is almost always good news when the woman takes control because we are less focused on sexual intercourse.
Sex is more about pleasuring each other and enjoying the ride – the only real way to ensure both of you have an orgasm during partnered sex.
Young men have been raised with the mantra that “she comes first,” they know about the orgasm gap, what the clitoris is, where to find it, and how to stimulate it. In short, they are more sexually savvy. The more a man knows about a woman’s sexual response system, the better a lover he will be.
They have grown up in a more enlightened and female-friendly age.
It’s not just that sexting is better, young men are less sexist. Their mothers invariably worked as well as their fathers; she may have earned more than he did.
Young men today grow up hearing terms like “emotional intelligence” and “self-care.” Men in their 50s may be alien to concepts like this. They are less likely to have done work on themselves and less open to new ways of thinking.
Older women I spoke to say the younger men they dated had an emotional intelligence and maturity they don’t see in men their age.
They are not stuck in their ways.
Dating a younger guy often means you’re introduced to new ideas, trends, and perspectives. They’re more flexible in their views and less rigid in their ways. Life is infinitely more interesting than living with a man who says, “It’s Thursday, so it must be eggs and chips day.”
There is less emotional burden
Fewer scars from past relationships means a less cynical outlook on life, not to mention a healthier bank balance that hasn’t been decimated by divorce settlements.
Who would you rather date? The person who thinks all women are “crazy” or someone who likes women?
- Visit traceycox.com to find out about Tracey’s range of products, Supersex and Edge (available at lovehoney), her weekly podcast, blog and books.
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