When Saltburn star Barry Keoghan allegedly cheated on singer Sabrina Carpenter, the internet went wild.
How dare he cheat on someone so attractive?
The same thing happened when Hugh Grant was caught with a sex worker while in a relationship with the indisputably beautiful Liz Hurley. In the lookist society we live in, the question ‘But WHY?’ was of great importance.
Research by dating app Flure found that there was a 302 percent increase in searches for “Is my boyfriend cheating on me?” after the separation of Keoghan and Carpenter.
If men are going to cheat on women like this, what hope is there for us mere mortals?
The truth is that men cheating on beautiful women is nothing new. In fact, you’re probably more likely to be cheated on by your partner if you’re prettier or more successful than them.
Feeling second best is no fun
If someone feels overshadowed by their partner’s success or appearance, they cheat to seek validation of their own attractiveness. They do it with someone average and attainable because they are looking for an ego boost, not a challenge.
Men cheating on beautiful women is nothing new. In fact, you’re probably more likely to be cheated on by your partner if you’re prettier or more successful than them (stock image)
The reasoning behind these infidelities may be logical but it still surprises us when it happens.
What does it feel like when your partner cheats on you with someone much less attractive or attractive than you?
On the other hand, why risk losing a perfect partner by sleeping with someone who isn’t even half as fabulous?
To find the answers, I spoke with a man and a woman from both sides of the story. This is what they told me.
‘THE OTHER WOMEN WERE NOT BETTER THAN MY WIFE – THE POINT IS, THEY WERE NOT’
Stuart, 38, has been married for twelve years. His wife has no idea that he cheated on him three times out of insecurity..
‘When I started dating my now wife, a lot of people said to me: “Look at you! How the hell did you get her?”
‘It was a compliment because my wife is extraordinary in every way. But even at that initial stage of being completely in love, I still didn’t like the implication that she was somehow better than me, even if she was.
Sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox (pictured) says if someone feels overshadowed by their partner’s success or appearance, they cheat to seek validation of their own attractiveness.
‘My wife is that rare combination of extremely attractive (great body and face) and extremely intelligent.
‘At 32 she owned her own marketing company and is now a major agency in the UK. She also did everything herself, without rich parents to help her.
‘I am moderately successful and attractive. But I have a certain charm and I can make people laugh; I guess that’s what she sees in me.
‘I was always the “hot” one in our friendship group, but when I married her, I moved into a completely different league.
‘The creative men he works with are all great: they know how to dress and they’re charismatic. Her friends are all powerful and have husbands who make a lot of money. Women fall at his feet. Money does that.
“Everyone was nice to me and made me feel welcome. But I looked at her and wondered why she chose me when she could have had anyone.
“She says it’s because I’m real and that I love her for who she is, not her looks, her power or her money. She’s right, but that didn’t stop me from feeling nervous and resentful at first.
I cheated on her three times at the beginning of the marriage. One time it was a bachelor’s weekend (which I don’t think counts, all men do it). The second time was with a co-worker, who is now (thankfully) gone.
Men may cheat on someone average and attainable because they are looking for an ego boost, not a challenge (file image)
‘She flirted with me and I think her motivation was to see if she could attract someone who had a wife like mine. You shouldn’t take that as a compliment: it doesn’t mean it’s better in any way. Its appeal was that it wasn’t. For once, I looked better and was more successful and I won’t deny that I didn’t feel good.
‘The third girl was a girl I picked up in a bar when I was traveling for work. She was drunk and desperate and looked below average. Was the sex with these women good? Yes, but only in the sense that it is a new body in bed. Did it make me feel better about myself? Yes, but only for a while.
‘That was eight years ago. What stopped me from cheating was realizing that my wife is also exceptional in the best possible way. She is a good woman. She has never put me down or doubted me in any way. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this.
‘She doesn’t know anything about this, and I hope she never does. I will never cheat again or feel bad about what I did. But when I read about celebrities cheating on perfect women, I can’t help but relate. It’s hard to be a partner with someone like that.
‘HE CHEATS ON ME WITH MY PERSONAL TRAINER WHO IS NOT PRETTY BY ANYONE’S STANDARDS’
*Jamie is an influencer and dated Dean for a year before discovering that he had cheated on her with a woman much less attractive than her.
‘I saw people’s eyebrows raised when I first introduced Dean as my boyfriend to my friends. They didn’t come out and ask, “What are we missing here? What’s the appeal?”, but they might as well have.
‘Dean looks normal, has a normal job and, well, is normal about everything, really. Why did I choose someone so boring? For many reasons.
Although the reasoning behind these infidelities may be logical, it still surprises us when it happens (file image)
‘I’m an influencer and, at least online, I look like I have it all. I look decent and live an envious life. I photograph myself in expensive restaurants, my house is inspiring and I have famous friends.
‘But any influencer will tell you that everything has a price and that not everything is what it seems to be.
‘To begin with, it may seem fine to others, but I still have a hard time believing it. I was a fat kid and my childhood was hard. My dad left when I was three years old and my mom raised us alone and without money.
‘I started babysitting and doing odd jobs for everyone from a very early age. I have always worked hard and at least now I am in a pleasant environment.
‘I thought I looked good when I became a teenager and boys asked me out, but I’ve never felt good-looking on the inside. My mom didn’t exactly fill me with confidence or compliment me. She was too busy making ends meet to worry about stroking our egos.
‘The outside version of me, the part that the public sees, looks sexy, glamorous and put together. I can thank my friends for that: they taught me how to do makeup, pose, and the right clothes to wear.
‘Inside I have low self-esteem and I constantly worry that I’m not good enough.
‘When I met Dean, I couldn’t believe I would consider dating him, let alone sleeping with him. All I could think was, “Surely this guy will be safe and won’t leave me.” (Yes, those abandonment issues run deep when your father leaves you when you’re very young.)
Stuart, 38, who cheated on his beautiful and successful wife three times, understands why celebrities do it (file image)
“There’s always that voice whispering, ‘Wait until I see the real you: the clingy, insecure mess that you really are.'” It was about six months of living together before he realized it.
“I could see that he could tell that I was incredibly anxious and needed constant reassurance. That was the first sign that he wasn’t who I expected him to be: he was glad to see my distress, not worried.
“He always told me that he felt like I was too good for him. Her attitude after that was, “Now I understand why you’re stopping dating. You may look great, but you’re a mess. Who else would put up with you?” He didn’t say it in so many words, but the power in the relationship changed.
“The worst thing is that he cheated on me with my old personal trainer and I paid him to train him as a birthday gift.
“She’s nothing like me: short, stocky, and not pretty at all. That sounds bad, but she used to train me and still slept with my boyfriend, so I don’t feel inclined to be nice to her.
‘Even more humiliating, a day after I found out and left him, she put a photo of the two of them joking during training on Instagram. He seemed flirtatious and his comment hinted that they were more than just a coach/client. They didn’t end up leaving, but the damage had already been done.
‘My friends have used it to train and they go to the same gym. The day before I had posted a “look how happy we are” photo of the two of us on my Instagram account. (We weren’t, but none of the people who post that stuff are.) Two days later, here he is with another woman.
“All my friends were outwardly supportive, but it was obvious that some ‘frenemies’ were delighted. Especially those who are secretly jealous of the number of followers I have. Something like: ‘It looks great on Instagram, but clearly She’s not that pretty in real life. Can’t keep a man happy, can it?”
‘However, there is a happy ending: I finally did some therapy and I feel much happier with myself. The next time I settle down it will be with a man who is my equal.
*Some names have been changed.
Stuck on what to buy your partner for Christmas? You’ll find Tracey’s range of products exclusively at lovehoney.co.uk.