Women’s fantasies are having a moment.
Want, a book by Gillian Anderson, featuring anonymous sexual fantasies of women around the world, dominates bestseller lists.
Now, recent research from an erotica audio website (Bloom) has revealed a fascinating look at the fantasies women desire most, and they’re not rose petals scattered across the bed.
Historically, pornography was aimed almost exclusively at men. The last decade has seen a rise in erotica designed to capture the female gaze.
Get ready for more of the following as porn sites adjust their content to appeal more to women.
Having a threesome now consistently tops the list of fantasies of both women and men. Stock image used
THREESOME
Not too long ago, having a threesome (particularly one with two women and one man) was a top men-only fantasy.
It now consistently tops the list for women as well.
The audio porn survey found that 77 percent of women want to see more threesome fantasies on porn sites.
Eighty-nine percent of people surveyed for Tell Me What You Want (the largest and most comprehensive survey on sexual fantasies conducted by Dr. Justin Lehmiller) said they had fantasized about having a threesome.
Those in a relationship said it would be ideal to involve their spouse. Straight men wanted one with two women, while straight women were happy with both sexes.
What is the attraction?
Threesomes are a heady mix of exhibitionism, voyeurism, bicuriosity (if it’s the same gender), and a human longing for excess (if one person feels good, more must feel better).
Novelty and power are other strong motivators.
Same-sex fantasies have always been more popular among women, but they are more so today due to changing attitudes towards sexual taboos.
Threesomes have become normalized by frequently appearing on television and movies and there is growing acceptance of sexual fluidity.
Sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox (pictured) says women today fantasize more about rough sex and domination.
Who has them?
Younger women (ages 18-34) are more likely to fantasize about threesomes. Women in this age group are not only more open to experimentation, but they also report higher levels of interest in group sex.
Women in long-term relationships are also more likely to fantasize about adding new elements, like a threesome, to their experiences.
About a third of women in committed relationships fantasize about bringing someone else along.
WOMEN WHO RECEIVE ORAL SEX
No prizes for finding out why this is (and always has been) popular with women.
Most women who have an orgasm during sex with their partner do so through oral stimulation.
A certain scene in Bridgerton also gave oral sex a nudge in the right direction, but why wouldn’t we want to watch porn depicting our favorite part of sex?
Fifty-four percent of women surveyed wanted more female oral sex to appear in porn.
What is the attraction?
The tongue has always been more powerful than the penis when it comes to making women climax.
Men who have penetrative sex excite us as little in porn as in real life. Penis envy is something that men experience, not women.
With the rise of feminist porn, ethical erotica, and platforms that specifically cater to women’s desires, women can now consume and create content that reflects the type of sex that does it most for us.
Fifty-two percent of women surveyed by erotic audio-porn website Bloom said they want to see more romantic-themed pornography available online (file image)
Who has them?
All ages and stages. The orgasm gap (men have orgasms more frequently than women in heterosexual partnered sex) highlights the need for direct clitoral stimulation for women to experience pleasure.
Oral sex is one of the most effective and popular ways to achieve this.
ROMANTIC SEX
Women don’t just want to be turned on, they want to feel loved and valued. One reason 52 percent of women want more romantic-themed porn available online.
Fantasizing about intimacy is the fantasy that most women readily admit to. It seems more ladylike to say “My fantasy is making love on a tropical beach at sunset” than “Having the Pope give me oral sex during high mass while the congregation watches.”
What is the attraction?
Romantic fantasies are sex with emotional attachment. They usually revolve around tenderness, emotional connection, and desire for each other.
In porn, this category is the least represented. In an online landscape of impersonal, male-oriented content, finding romance-themed porn offers a much-needed break.
Romantic fantasies often revolve around tenderness, emotional connection and mutual desire (file image)
Who has them?
Mostly women who are more motivated by love than sex and are generally sexually conservative.
Even if we can’t do it in reality, most women can separate sex and love in their imagination.
Women who only have romantic fantasies tend to be unable to do so.
ROUGH SEX AND DOMINATION
Of all the categories, this is the one that has gained the most popularity among women. For those who think that it is an indication that women secretly like violent sex, you are wrong. In our fantasies we have total control of what happens to us. In real life, we are not.
These fantasies are largely based on a consensual power dynamic in which one partner takes control and the other surrenders in a safe environment.
Fifty-two percent of women in Bloom wanted more hardcore sexual fantasy content; 50 percent wanted erotic content with a domination theme.
What is the attraction?
Domination fantasies have a lot to do with power: one person has it, the other doesn’t, and we are attracted to both for different reasons.
Stripped of it, we are completely at the mercy of another person, exempting ourselves from responsibility. We are “obliged” to enjoy whatever the other person does to us.
If you are a people pleaser and are generally a giver, this makes it impossible to reciprocate. Delicious! If we are the ones in control, we are given permission to be completely selfish.
While 52 percent of women in Bloom wanted more hardcore sexual fantasy content, 50 percent wanted domination-themed erotic content (stock image)
Who has them?
Women at opposite ends of a spectrum.
Women with dominant personalities in their professional or personal lives adopt the submissive role of rough sex or domination fantasies.
Because they are responsible for many things in their daily lives, the idea of someone else taking the reins is appealing to them.
Women who feel powerless in real life also enjoy domination fantasies, but as those in charge.
- Tracey’s podcast, SexTok, is available every Wednesday. You’ll find details about this, her blog, books and product ranges (sold through Lovehoney) at traceycox.com.
