Did all those Olympic bulges make you wish your partner was better endowed?
Be careful what you wish for.
When I asked women what it’s like to date or be married to a man with a big penis, the answers were varied, but the point was clear.
Women in porn may desire huge penises, but the average woman finds it off-putting.
Before I share my personal experiences, it is necessary to clarify that penis size is not something that men can control. Penis size also does not predict what kind of lover a man will be.
Thoughtfulness is always more important than size, as you are about to find out…
When Tracey Cox asked women what it’s like to date or be married to a man with a big penis, the answers were varied, but the point was clear: it’s daunting (file image)
“I like him a lot, but I’m going to end the relationship. He’s too old. I’m terrified of having sex with him.”
Karina, 41, has been dating her boyfriend for four months.
“Women always say, ‘You’re so lucky!’ when I tell them my boyfriend’s penis is really big. But it’s so fake! Women think they’d love to have a big penis, but when it comes down to it, I’m not sure any of these women have ever had sex with a guy who has one. They’d change their minds in a heartbeat.
‘My partner is about eight inches tall, which is great, but it’s the girth of it that makes sex unbearable.
“He warned me that his penis was big, but when I first saw it, my eyes widened. He wasn’t even erect. My overwhelming feeling was one of panic, not arousal.
‘I like him a lot, but I’m very close to ending the relationship because I’m scared to have sex with him. Our sexual relations are very tense! He is afraid of hurting me and often loses his erection because he gets anxious.
“The only way I can get him inside me is to push him in when he’s only halfway in. The problem is that doing that turns him on and makes him hard, so half the time that doesn’t work either.
‘We avoid penetration a lot now because it’s easier. Handjobs are the least stressful. Oral sex is fine, I have a big mouth and he’s also fine with me licking it instead of putting it all in my mouth.
“He’s good at giving me oral sex and I’d be happy if we stayed together and had sex like this. But he’s not happy about saying goodbye to sex. I don’t blame him, but it will mean he’ll have to say goodbye to me for that.”
Sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox (pictured) spoke to three women who have very different experiences of being with men with big penises.
“A lot of it is genetics. The trick is finding the perfect combination for you.”
Sara is 32 years old and has been married for two years. This is her second marriage.
‘My husband’s penis is 24cm long and 16.7cm in circumference. He also has large testicles. He says that no woman has ever seen his penis and was not surprised.
“He doesn’t say it as a brag – he’s more shy than arrogant (sorry, I couldn’t resist). We had sex on the fourth date, but I felt him through his jeans and was excited by the idea of him inside me.
‘I think a lot of it has to do with genetics. Some men have big penises, some women have deep vaginas. The trick is to find yourself. It helps me having given birth, it definitely makes you bigger.
‘I can only have an orgasm if I feel completely full – I need deep penetration or end up having to put my legs practically behind my ears to feel anything. It’s an individual thing and the large size suits me well.
‘Your vagina is a baby coming out of your vagina, so it’s perfectly capable of housing a very large penis. You just have to be patient and have good relaxation skills.
‘I get on top because I can control the depth and speed of his penetration – fast, deep thrusts don’t work on a big guy. I ask him to stop if he gets carried away – I’m not superhuman! It can hurt if he penetrates in the wrong place. It takes good communication for it to work.’
‘Anal sex would be a challenge, but neither of us like it, so it doesn’t matter. I’ve never been into oral sex and I don’t understand women who say they prefer it to penetration. He doesn’t particularly like blowjobs either, which is good news because I’m not sure I could do it well, given how big he is!’
For more comfortable sex, Tracey suggests having your partner penetrate you slowly and stopping at each step until your body gets used to it (stock image)
‘He thought having a big one was the only thing that mattered because he grew up with boys who expressed envy every time he urinated in public.’
Aisha, 25, regrets dating her ex because sex was too painful.
‘If there’s one true myth about men with big penises, it’s that they don’t bother to develop other skills as lovers. The ones that are important for women: being able to bring us to orgasm using their fingers and/or tongue.
‘My ex did the obligatory foreplay because he had to – there was no way I could take him without him massaging me first. But it was absolutely obvious that he expected the mere sight of his erect penis to be what turned me on – the anticipation of having him inside me should have been enough.
“He would stand in front of me, hold it in one hand and expect me to admire it. He was a nice enough guy in every other way, but he was a real narcissist when it came to his penis.
“She grew up with boys who were jealous of her every time she urinated in public. She once said, “Get on board, baby!”
‘At best, intercourse was extremely uncomfortable; at worst, agonizing. It went on so long that it touched my cervix, causing incredible pain. Only certain positions are possible (mainly missionary, with legs closed), because any other is either impossible to achieve or hurts too much.
If sex has been painful in the past, make sure you are fully aroused before attempting intercourse. The vagina needs time and expert stimulation to expand and lubricate (stock image)
‘I begged him not to hit me because I would tear and bleed, but sometimes I couldn’t help it.
‘Not only was intercourse difficult, oral sex was a nightmare. I have a small mouth and even if I opened it as wide as I could, I couldn’t get him in. When I did it, just once, I choked. It was horrible.
We probably would have broken up anyway because we weren’t particularly compatible, but trust me, mentally I was happy and excited to never see that penis again.
“I’m currently with a man who is on the smaller side. It’s fantastic. I enjoy giving him oral sex, intercourse is a pleasure and he is an attentive lover. I know that penis size is no one’s fault, but how you use it is within your control.”
Tracey’s two product ranges (Tracey Cox Supersex and Edge) are available through Lovehoney. Find information about her books, podcast and blog at traceycox.com.
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