Controversial Opinion: Asking your date what they do for a job is important.
Before you bite my head off and bombard me with caustic feedback like “She’s so shallow” and “As long as they’re nice, that’s all that matters” (snoring!), I have a very good reason why.
You see, I went on a recent date that turned out to be a complete disaster! Why? Well, his job should have been the first sign that things would never work out.
It all started on a crisp Sunday afternoon when I ventured out with the girls for a vino and some laughs. One of my friends accidentally cut her finger on a sharp oyster shell and a man from the table next to us ran to the bar and asked for a Band-Aid. This charming prince came running back with the cast and saved the day.
It was all very appealing and before I knew it we were chatting. We exchanged numbers and set a date.
“It may seem superficial and a little judgmental, but I’m telling you it honestly matters what a date does for a living,” says Jana
He told me over text that he had a vegan cafe and invited me to a vegan feast. I thought that was quirky and could be fun. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t fun.
As we were chatting over a surprisingly delicious Bolognese with lentils, it quickly became clear that he wasn’t just an ordinary vegan, he was an avid vegan. As in, he would come to farms and steal chickens, let cows out of their pastures, and mistreat farmers. Yes.
I couldn’t help it; Finally I told him that my parents have a herd of cattle (true story) and if he had appeared on our farm I would have turned rogue. It’s safe to say the date ended with me storming out and further blocking him on all social accounts.
Now, you could probably just dust that one off and say, well, that’s just one example where his job was a sure sign that the relationship was never going to work. But it reminded me of a date I had a year ago.
We met on a dating app and had a nice chat about life, love, all those things when we talked about favorite podcasts. I said I liked “Call Her Daddy” and the man revealed that he would be horrified to go out with someone like the host Alexandra, who openly talked about sex in all its glory.
“Think about it… how much time do you spend talking to your partner about your day? Quite a chunk of it anyway! At least you want to hear something that interests you,’ she said
He looked horrified and said he would never date someone who spoke so casually and “bedroom topics” saying that “girls should keep it classy.” Oh dear.
It’s like I’ve stepped back in time. As someone who thinks love lives can only thrive through open and honest dialogue about sex, this was a red flag. He was clearly a bad match for me considering my job as a dating columnist. I was having too much fun showing him some of my articles.
Again, being honest about what we both do for a job could have saved us a lot of time and energy.
I had another friend on a date with an ‘entrepreneur’ #redflag.
She thought it meant he had several businesses and might be a tech genius. No, it was just a code word for lazy and unemployed. That’s why I think we should put more weight on asking future love prospects what they do for a living.
It may seem superficial and somewhat judgmental, but I’m telling you it really matters. Think about it… how much time do you spend talking to your partner about your day? Quite a chunk of it anyway! In any case, you want to hear something that interests you.
Someone who has a creative job, such as a musician, would probably struggle to find an interesting conversation with someone who is more methodical, such as a computer programmer. I’m not saying one is exciting and the other is boring, but they don’t really match in terms of interest.
So with that in mind, here are the jobs that are a big no-no for me.
“I like my men to be a little eccentric,” says Jana, who is drawn to creative types like actors
First, because they’d be shocked at how I calculate my expenses and keep a budget (I don’t!) and second, because I enjoy talking to my partner about their day. I want to hear about the drama, the theatre, the interesting encounters they had. Numbers are just not my problem.
Medical talk puts me to sleep, and I say that with love to have two relatives who work in the profession. All those strange long words and technical terms. I’m not going to keep up with you, and to be honest, I don’t want to.
While I’d kill to have their organizational skills, I’m afraid my chaotic life would drive them a little crazy. My home is eclectic, there is absolutely no order, I like to make plans as I go, and the only lists I make are for groceries. I’m afraid we won’t have much in common.
And here are the jobs that would tick my box (metaphorically and technically nod).
“Anyone who can use their hands to whip up a masterpiece that is a delight for all the senses is someone who fascinates me,” Jana said of chefs.
I like my men, a little eccentric. Want to hop in a car and drive to Byron Bay tonight? Damn yes! Want to come see me play a serial killer in a play? Oh sure.
Doctors or nurses
Now this is a profession I could listen to stories about all day! Tell me who was in the emergency department today. Yes, I want to hear about the worst injury you’ve ever seen. Let’s order another bottle of wine, because you have my full attention.
Obviously not a vegan (still triggered), but anyone who can use their hands to whip up a masterpiece that is a delight for all the senses is one that fascinates me. Especially when you consider that I don’t have the patience or skills to make something that doesn’t mean you just take it out of the box and put it in the microwave. I like to watch a man in the kitchen. Nothing sexier.
So my type is clearly someone who is more eclectic and creative. That would drive a man who is firm, methodical and orderly a little crazy.
I am not for him and he is not for me.
So asking someone what they do for a living is a nice little hack to figure out what interests them. An easy way to avoid wasting each other’s time and wallet.