Buy energy drinks In public, it’s embarrassing. Every time I see someone reaching into the cooler for their favorite Monster or Ghost flavor, I guess what accompanying vape flavor they’ve chosen, and I know others make the same assumption about me when I buy a can of Celsius to combat a hangover or to perk up before a 10-hour shift as a bartender.
The good news is that it’s easier than ever to buy your favorite cans on Amazon, and the great news is that you don’t need to put on your Crocs or Cookie Monster pajamas to do it. Add to that a small discount for buying in bulk and setting up automatic delivery, and you’re basically being paid to not leave the house. The future is already here, and it’s packed with B vitamins, red food coloring, and taurine.
As a devoted coffee drinker, I often feel like misquoted New Yorker film critic Pauline Kael when I see tall, neon-colored bottles of high-octane energy drinks usurping the shelf space of my favorite Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew variants at my local Sheetz. Energy drinks are big business.They raised nearly $20 billion in the US alone in 2023—But I don’t know anyone who drinks them regularly.
It’s hard to find a good cup of coffee at odd hours in the middle of nowhere. Energy drinks, on the other hand, are about as easy as it gets. At any time of day, you can pick up a flashy can that boldly advertises its caffeine content, shell out a few bucks, and blast off to space with just a few gulps. Deal-seekers and stay-at-home types don’t even need to leave their homes to score great deals with ultra-fast shipping on their favorite brands—as long as they’re an Amazon Prime member.
I love the value, convenience, and caffeine, so I finally gave in.
Still thirsty? Check out our other drink-related guides, including the best coffee subscriptions and the best non-alcoholic wines.
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How we did the test
Over the course of 21 days, I tried 30 different energy drinks from an amalgam of readily available gas station staples, brands that Amazon’s algorithm was promoting especially heavily that day, everything at Whole Foods that advertised its caffeine content, and a couple of oddities from the past that you probably don’t remember.
I rated it based on taste, which is obviously subjective, and the palpable effects of caffeine after downing a can at 8:30 a.m. every day, after my daily 1.5-mile run with my dog. The additional cans were used within two hours of starting my shift at my part-time bartending job. I took one day off from the experiment due to a gut-wrenching stomach ache and horrible night sweats. If there’s a Ghost-addicted gamer in your basement as you read this, consider offering them a wellness check or a refill on their drink. Tendies at least.
1. Celsius Functional Essential Energy Drink
Though less carbonated than most energy drinks, Celsius is potent without leaving a cloying aftertaste, and does wonders to mask the medicinal notes that are present in similarly potent drinks. It’s an absolute unit when it comes to caffeine-to-volume ratio, and none of the flavors I tried were objectively bad.
Celsius is a hot commodity for a reason, and it’s no surprise to see coolers filled with its entire catalog sitting next to the cash registers at an increasing number of gas stations. The can has a ton of text on it that I’ll never read, but it’s attractive and not too geared toward extreme gaming or health-freak quackery to deter potential buyers who care about being seen in public with an energy drink. Like the Beatles or In-N-Out, this is a consensus choice that everyone can agree on.
