The day we left high school, my five closest friends and I made a pact. Our friendship, forged when we were 11 years old, would last a lifetime, regardless of where our careers or families took us.
And sure enough, for 24 years, the six of us met regularly, husbands and children in tow, and even went on group vacations together. Then, last spring, a sensitive topic tore our little group apart: money, prompting a sense of betrayal and, I admit, simmering jealousy.
For years, Rachel, 41, a project manager, and her husband Rob, 44, a surveyor, who live in a modest three-bedroom house, had claimed relative poverty and we had no reason not to believe them.
For 24 years we stayed close to our high school friends… until the sensitive topic of money began to come up in our conversations.
The rest of us aren’t exactly rich, but we are comfortably off and have good careers (I’m a management consultant). Although we never talked about salaries (my husband and I earn a total of £100,000 a year, but in the South East this doesn’t go very far), I assumed we were in similar situations.
To accommodate Rachel and Rob’s seemingly slimmer budget, we downgraded group ski trips, city breaks, staycations, and ordered takeout instead of eating out. We once subsidized Rachel for a girls’ holiday to Malta when she said she couldn’t afford the accommodation. When we ate takeout at my house, she didn’t chase her to get my money back.
However, at a meeting last April, they stopped at a new Range Rover in the showroom that wouldn’t have left them much change from £75,000. Quite a step forward compared to your old Volvo.
“It’s as fantastic as I thought it would be,” Rob said.
For years, Rachel, 41, a project manager, and her husband Rob, 44, a surveyor, who live in a modest three-bedroom house, had pleaded relative poverty and we had no reason not to believe them.
Looks were exchanged around the room; Weren’t they supposed to be short of money? Perhaps they had received a secret gain: an inheritance or a bonus at work.
But a couple of months later, when we were having a girls-only weekend, Rachel let slip that “Rob and I just bought a second house as an investment to rent out.” When one of the group repeated her words in amazement, she replied: “Yes, we have been saving for years.”
Apparently it’s a three-bedroom semi-detached cottage near where we grew up in Cambridgeshire – not great, but buying a second home is in stark contrast to our stress over rising mortgage rates on our only property.
Disbelief spread throughout the group as we realized we had been fooled. All those years of pretending they couldn’t afford this or that while secretly building up a savings fund containing hundreds of thousands!
However, at a meeting last April, they stopped at a new Range Rover in the showroom that wouldn’t have left them much change from £75,000. Quite a step forward compared to your old Volvo. Photo posed by model
After the weekend away, a WhatsApp group was created without Rachel so the rest of us could vent our fury, remembering countless times we had altered our plans so they could join.
I was furious as I remembered the fuss Rachel had made about my 40th birthday 18 months earlier.
In retrospect, this was perhaps the most painful commitment. She had planned to spend a weekend at a beautiful cabin in Norfolk. When I presented my suggestion and prices (£200 per couple for three nights), Rachel immediately responded: “We’re not doing that, we can’t afford it.”
She continued with, “Surely you can find a cheaper cabin, otherwise we’ll have to spend a weekend away?” I was disappointed but sympathetic, believing they were in financial trouble. Instead, we went out for afternoon tea.
A friend was furious because we had paid for Rachel’s hotel room in Malta. And another reminded us that when Rachel and Rob hosted a barbecue a couple of summers earlier, they asked everyone to contribute to the cost of the food and drink. Then there was the planned ski trip which they said was extravagant (it wasn’t) so we changed it from Italy to Bulgaria to save around £300 per couple.
We now know they were saving hundreds of thousands of pounds.
Who knows where their splurge will end up – they’re planning a major kitchen extension next. You might think it’s a case of the green-eyed monster on my part. I admit I was envious of the second property.
And it made my husband and I think about our own financial decisions. We have both lost loved ones and our attitude is that life is short, so we spend a little and save a little.
During an all-girls weekend, Rachel let it slip that “Rob and I just bought a second house as an investment to rent out.” Photo posed by models.
But the real reason for my anger is a feeling of betrayal. If they had been honest about the reasons for our difficult situation, we would have understood, but we probably wouldn’t have been as accommodating about reducing our group plans.
The deception runs deep and the other girls feel the same. Our husbands’ opinions are more divided: some say we should leave them alone. However, a year later, my husband thinks it’s time to include Rachel and Rob again.
We should have explained how betrayed we felt. Instead, we talk behind their backs and it is becoming easier not to include them.
We all felt a curious sense of relief and guilt the first time we met for dinner without them. But it’s not the same now that a core member of our group is missing. Sadness is my predominant emotion because I love Rachel. She is the most loyal friend, but money can change people and I don’t doubt that Rob was the main driver in keeping their savings plan for themselves.
We are planning a short getaway to Mallorca; Feeling guilty, we decided to let Rachel and Rob know. As always, his first question was “How much will it cost?”
This time we said we will stick with the flights and accommodation we have booked, so they won’t come; They will undoubtedly set aside money for their new kitchen. I don’t think they realize the damage they have caused.
So it turns out that our pact of friendship will not go to the end. I hope your new loot was worth it.
Names have been changed.
As told to SADIE NICHOLAS