There is a disturbing sex trend that, although it has been around for decades, is resurfacing as more and more people are raising the alarm about this dangerous act.
This act, also called ‘stealthing’, involves a man removing his condom during intercourse without the knowledge or consent of his partner.
Two 2019 surveys found that 12 percent of women have been victims of stealth and 10 percent of men admitted to “stealing” a partner.
There are dozens of posts popping up on social media from women who have experienced it and even men admitting they have done it themselves.
So DailyMail.com took to the streets of New York City to ask passersby if they, or anyone they knew, had been victims of stealth, which is considered sexual assault in several states.
Frankie, 20, told this website: ‘This happened to my friend last week. It happens to a lot of people.’
And 18-year-old student Aiko added: ‘It happened to me. At some point I discovered that (the condom) was no longer on. It just disappeared.”
A third student said she knew it happened occasionally, but had no idea how often it happened.
Experts say that stealth is practiced not only because men prefer sex without a condom, and that this usually stems from a man’s desire for control and dominance.
Stealthing is the act of a man removing a condom during intercourse without the knowledge or consent of his partner
Frankie (right) told us that her friend had recently been stolen. She said: ‘This happened to my friend last week. It happens to a lot of people.’
Rhiannon John, a sexologist at Bedbible.com, previously told DailyMail.com: ‘Some people may try to assert dominance or ignore their partner’s autonomy, driven by a sense of entitlement or toxic beliefs about masculinity.
“Others may prioritize their own pleasure or the thrill of risk over the boundaries set within the relationship.
‘In other cases, it can even arise from malicious intent, such as sabotage or reproductive control, where the act is used for manipulation or harm.’
Most New Yorkers who spoke to DailyMail.com strongly condemned the behavior.
Aiko, a student at NYU, shared her personal experience living abroad temporarily and having sex with someone she didn’t know well but had strong feelings for.
She said: ‘When I lost my virginity in France, the guy took off the condom in the middle and said, wow, he just left it in.’
It wasn’t a traumatic experience for Aiko, but she was more confused and struggling with the realization that men actually do this.
“It probably should have been (traumatic). It was weird. It was definitely weird,” Aiko said.
She added, “And I don’t mind when people do that to girls, but it happened to me and I feel like it didn’t really affect me.”
Her friend Jay echoed this sentiment, adding that the question of using a condom should be discussed before initiating sex, and that if one partner refuses to use protection despite the other’s wishes, they should simply not proceed to go.
Two 2019 surveys found that 12 percent of women have fallen victim to stealth, and 10 percent of men admitted to doing so
Paul, who is in his 80s, told DailyMail.com he did something similar: ‘I just didn’t put it on. That must have been fifty years ago
Also, an NYU student, Jay, 18, said, “I don’t want to wear a condom, but…ask, right? If they say no, then no.’
Meanwhile, Frankie, whose friend it happened to, said: ‘She was really upset.’
“This is common,” she added.
Stealthing, also known as non-consensual condom removal, is not a new phenomenon, but researchers have only started exploring it in recent years.
The 2019 study on stealth among men found that people with greater hostility toward women and a more severe history of sexual aggression were “significantly more likely to engage in non-consensual condom removal.”
In addition, men who were stealthy were also significantly more likely to have ever had a diagnosis of a sexually transmitted infection or to have a partner who had experienced an unplanned pregnancy.
In 2022, rapper Joe Budden publicly admitted on his podcast that he had had sex with partners who didn’t know he wasn’t wearing a condom, saying he “acted like I put a condom on before.”
He was struck with a fit of outrage and the clip raised awareness of the insidious practice and the countless harm it causes to the victim.
This can include STDs and unwanted pregnancies, as well as emotional trauma, including “feelings of shame, violation, loss of dignity and autonomy,” according to a 2018 article in the Penn State Law Review.
Intense feelings of violation are also very common in people who fall victim to this behavior.
A New Yorker, Paul, said he had done the same: “I just didn’t put it on. That must have been fifty years ago.’
Rapper and podcaster Joe Budden admitted that he pretended to put on a condom during sex and didn’t inform his partner
Ms John said: ‘Victims can struggle with intense feelings of violation and betrayal as their trust is ignored.
‘This can manifest itself in shame and guilt, even if the victim is not at fault, but also in anger and rage towards the perpetrator, the situation or even themselves.’
In recent years, people have called for stealth to be classified as sexual assault or rape.
In 2021, California became the first state to ban stealth, classifying it as sexual battery and making it a civil offense.
Bills in Vermont, Maine and Washington would allow stealth victims to take civil action against perpetrators, but stop short of criminalizing the act.
And Canada has made stealth a criminal offense in 2022. In Britain, stealth is considered rape.
Arjun, 20, visiting from Toronto, said: “It’s terrifying that even New York doesn’t have that law and it’s only California. That honestly surprises me.
“Other states around the world should criminalize this. Because I’m shocked to actually know this.”
While there are many reasons why a man may secretly remove his condom during sex, it is often argued that it is selfishness and the need for control.
Jamie Wright, a trial attorney and founder of the Wright Law Firm in California, told DailyMail.com that stealth “usually stems from selfish desires, control, dominance, or disrespect for the partner.”
Ms John told DailyMail.com: ‘Some people try to assert dominance or ignore their partner’s autonomy, driven by a sense of entitlement or toxic beliefs about masculinity.’
New Yorkers of all ages echoed these points.
Andrea, 48, said the behavior was likely linked to selfishness.
She said, “I think it’s someone who is in a position of power and wants to have control and make the other person almost submissive.”
Meanwhile, Frankie said the perpetrators are likely “immature men.”
She said, “I think it’s mostly men who think they’re alpha and cool, and they like American Psycho and Tyler Durden.”