Stassi Schroeder has admitted she will “live with guilt forever” after once sending photographs of her self-harm injuries to husband Beau Clark, describing the action as one of the “vilest and most manipulative” things she has ever done.
The Vanderpump Rules alum, 36, addressed her struggle with self-harm in her new memoir, You Can’t Have It All, while revealing that she had previously suffered from suicidal thoughts and contemplated jumping off a building.
However, in one of her most embarrassing and “wild” moments, Stassi recalled how she was once so angry that Beau, 44, had gone out to dinner instead of staying with her that she bombarded him with texts and calls, before cutting her hip and sending pictures of her injuries.
In her book, Stassi wrote: “I was wild. And then I remember cutting the side of my hip.
“This is the hardest part to write and admit. It is perhaps one of the most vile, manipulative and horrible things I have ever done…”
Stassi Schroeder has admitted she will “live with guilt forever” after once sending photos of her self-harm injuries to her husband, Beau Clark.
In her memoir, You Can’t Have It All, the 36-year-old reality star described the act as one of the “vilest, most manipulative, most horrible things I’ve ever done.”
“I sent Beau and Katie Maloney pictures of what he had done to me. If that’s not one of the most twisted and cruel things you can do to someone, then I don’t know what is. I will live with that guilt forever.”
Stassi went on to say that after sending the pictures, Beau left the dinner and returned home.
“He spent most of the night on the phone with his mother,” she wrote.
‘We woke up the next morning and he said if that ever happened again, even in the slightest, he would end the relationship.
“That was the last time I ever got hurt. Beau saved me that day.”
Stassi and Beau began dating in 2017 and announced their engagement in 2019.
The couple tied the knot in a small backyard ceremony in September 2020 during Covid and welcomed daughter Hartford in January 2021.
They tied the knot again in May 2022 at the Hotel de Russie in Italy, before welcoming son Messer Rhys last September.
Stassi, who has been with Beau, 44, for seven years, said she had felt “wild” at the time.
The couple have two children: one-year-old son Messer Rhys and three-year-old daughter Hartford.
Stassi bravely shared that she struggled with self-harm for 11 years and at her lowest moments experienced suicidal feelings, but after sending those images to Beau, she hasn’t thought about harming herself.
“I self-harmed to cope with extreme feelings of sadness, anxiety or anger,” she wrote.
‘There were times in my life when I considered crashing my car into a building or jumping out of the window of my apartment in a skyscraper.
“I know what it feels like to not want to live.”
The reality star revealed she went into a mental health spiral after her mentor, whom she refers to as Luke, took his own life while she was in college.
Before her passing, Stassi said she had not experienced any loss.
Stassi said her husband Beau “saved me that day” after she threatened to walk away from their relationship.
She spoke candidly about her experience of self-harm in her newly published memoir, You Can’t Have It All.
“When Luke died, most of my big dreams went away too,” she wrote. “At that time I was lucky enough to have never experienced loss.”
“I didn’t know anyone who had died, much less someone who had taken their own life. I couldn’t understand the sadness he must have felt.
‘His death consumed me. It was all I could think about. I stopped going to classes and locked myself in my apartment on campus and cried all day and all night.’
One night after Luke’s death, Stassi found herself home alone in the kitchen of her college dorm when she felt an “urge” to hurt herself as she sobbed uncontrollably.
She wrote: ‘I couldn’t stop crying. At that moment something came over me and I grabbed a kitchen knife.
“I don’t know where the impulse came from. That night was the first time I cut myself. It was just a small cut on my forearm and it calmed my hysterical sobbing.”
Last week, Stassi revealed that she’s not sure how to explain her self-harm scars to her three-year-old daughter.
In an interview with Bustle, she shared: ‘When I look at myself naked, Hartford sees a little line and says, ‘Mommy, ouch.’
“I thought, ‘My God, I feel so dirty. How am I going to explain to him that this was something I chose?'”
“It feels like it’s been a secret and I don’t like secrets. I think that’s one of the reasons I do what I do: podcasts, just living out loud,” she added.
‘Because there’s this feeling of: ‘I’m free. Everyone knows what I’m doing. I don’t have to hide anything.’
For help with self-harm, contact Crisis Text Line, a nonprofit that provides free, confidential, 24/7 self-harm support in English and Spanish.
Send a text with the word CONNECT to 741741.
