A Brit living in Australia has unleashed a non-stop rant about all the things no one told him before he moved to Australia.
Andrew Lea, an experienced dog trainer who goes by Dogman in the depthssent Facebook into a frenzy this week with his epic rant about life in Australia.
Andrew, who lives in Warwick, Queensland, was told Australia was the “land of milk and honey” with “big, cheap houses” and “jobs galore”.
Thinking it all sounded wonderful, he and his partner left “cold England” behind, but were dismayed to discover a “great divide between town and country.”
‘Men in the city spend more time putting on makeup than women. They walk around in crowds talking about hair gel when they’re not watching their latest game on the phone,” she said.
British expat Andrew Lea dealt a blow when he moved to Australia
But then he met the rural men who “eat raw crocodiles for breakfast and walk barefoot through the bushes, ignoring the seventeen deadliest snakes in the world that coil around their legs.”
“(They do it) all the time listening to country music that tells the story of how the last love of their life ran away with their best friend and how their dog died,” he continued, before taking aim at Australia’s wildlife.
‘The sea… they didn’t mention it, if the crocodiles and sharks don’t eat you, the jellyfish will cover that deficit. If you manage to get out of the currents that will drag you out to sea and then reach the beach, the flies will attack and bite you. Yes… flies bite you too.
‘How about a picnic? I do not think. The ants will eat you alive.
After touching mosquitoes, snakes, spiders, magpies and other intimidating creatures, Mr Lea covered the “lunatics” on the road.
“Finally, you get to your car and this is where you will discover that Australian homo sapiens, the friendliest humans in the world, turn into raging, crazy lunatics when they get in a car and have no idea left or right,” he said. .
Andrew Lea is an experienced dog trainer.
Andrew is still acclimatising to the Australian winters.
Andrew ended his rant with the “worst of all”: Australian winters.
“They didn’t tell me how cold it was in the winter,” he said.
His post was a lot of fun, though, as he assured everyone that he’s staying in Australia “because it’s a mental country full of lunatics and I love it because I fit in perfectly.”
He loves Australian wine because it is “the best in the world”, the beautiful nature and the impressive birds, even if they “screech”.
As a dog trainer, he also loves the affection Australians have for their pets.
‘There are thousands of dogs here and Australians love their dogs. What the brochure didn’t say is that they love monster dogs,” he joked.
‘The most popular dog in Australia is a 40kg Pigdog. A Ridgeback x Pitbull x Dane x Mastive x Wolverine x Rottie x Tasmanian Devil. All these dogs have one mission in life and that is to kill each other and better yet… kill me.’
Users were quick to agree with Lea’s lively portrayal of life in Australia, with one person saying “Straya 100%” and another calling the rant “classic.”
Ella Wilson felt ‘cheated’ after not seeing a koala in the wild after six months in Australia
Another person joked that Andrew sounded “a bit princessy.”
‘What do you expect when you move to go woop, woop?’ they wrote.
Andrew is not the only British expat who feels cheated after arriving in Australia.
Ella Wilson, also from the UK, said she feels “cheated” after visiting Australia to see the koalas.
She had been in Australia for six months and had yet to see a koala in the wild.
This was even after walking for an hour and “looking at every tree,” he said.
His disappointment prompted the following warning in a video viewed more than 95,000 times on TikTok: ‘Australia is a scam. Do not come’.
