For two couples in California who were victims of an IVF mix-up, Thanksgiving It looks a little different than most.
Alexander and Daphna Cardinale gave birth to a strange baby in 2019 and raised her, May, as their own for months until DNA testing revealed that their embryos had been swapped with those of another couple, who were now raising the biological daughter. of Cardinale, Zoe, as her own.
When DNA testing revealed that May belonged to Annie and her husband, who used a nickname and remained anonymous for privacy reasons, both couples decided to give their daughters to the biological parents.
For the past five years, the Cardinales, Annie and her husband, who live just 10 minutes apart, have been navigating a blended family and co-parenting, as each couple wanted to remain involved in the life of the child they had bred for the first time. three months of his life.
Alexander said: ‘There is no one who can give you advice. So the four of us ended up huddled together, and it’s a blessing that we’re all on the same page.
‘Since then we have spent all the holidays together. Since then, we have spent every birthday together and, in a way, we have blended the families.
Despite the change, the families never wanted to break ties. The girls went to the same preschool and both enrolled in ballet so they could see each other more often.
Playdates are commonplace and families even came together as one blended family in a formal ceremony officiated by the same pastor who married Daphna and Alexander.
Alexander Cardinale met his biological daughter Zoe when she was three months old. The two families ultimately decided to switch their daughters so that May, whose embryo was mistakenly implanted into Daphna Cardinale, would return to her genetic mother Annie.
Daphna gave birth to May (right) in September 2019. Her eldest daughter, Olivia (left), instantly bonded with her little sister.
Before the devastating revelation, Daphna was overjoyed as she and her husband welcomed their daughter, the New York Times reported.
But it didn’t take long for Alexander to notice that his newborn May had jet black hair, nothing like her mother’s red hair or her father’s light features.
The suspicion lingered with Alexander for weeks and he used dark humor to joke about a possible mix-up. Friends and family constantly commented on the lack of resemblance, but Daphna tried to calm their concerns.
It wasn’t until a close friend told her what Alexander had been suggesting: one of them was not May’s biological father.
They ordered an at-home DNA test, which revealed a 99.9 percent chance that neither parent was biologically related to their newborn.
Annie and her husband struggled with the same suspicions. Their daughter Zoe was blonde and had deep blue eyes. She looked nothing like her mother, a Latina, or her father, who is Asian-American.
Zoe’s pediatrician assured Annie, when she was two months old, that her deep blue eyes were the result of the rare passing of a recessive gene. But her friends’ comments about her baby’s appearance bothered her.
After reading the DNA results, Daphna and Alexander feared it was only a matter of time until May’s birth parents tried to take her away from them.
she said People: ‘I took this child. I gave birth to her. It looked so familiar to me that it didn’t even occur to me that it couldn’t be ours.
But the Cardinals knew the right thing to do was to approach the other couple. They then informed their fertility clinic, who then told Annie and her husband.
The day after Christmas 2019, the couples met at a law firm to discuss how to move forward.
Alexander was the first to express what everyone thought but were afraid to say: they should change their babies.
The couples agreed to a gradual transition that began with daytime visits, then overnight stays, and would eventually culminate in a permanent exchange.
When the families decided that May would go with her birth mother and that the baby Annie gave birth to, Zoe, would go with Daphna, Olivia took it especially hard.
The change was difficult.
While Alexander said holding Zoe instantly felt good, mothers were having a harder time adjusting: “The moment my hands passed under my daughter’s arms and we looked into each other’s eyes, something powerful and unexpected occurred. took over me. I met this child.
“At the same time, Daphna and I were so devastated and sad… to lose our biological daughter.”
After the swap, Daphna struggled to build the kind of bond with Zoe that she had had with May, and sometimes, when feeding Zoe in the early hours of the morning, she would panic, thinking she had the wrong baby.
When families visited each other, Annie had to resist running to Zoe when she cried. Daphna had intrusive thoughts at night that May needed her.
They struggled with the decision they had made and both families wondered if the confusion would have lasting effects on the girls.
When both couples met their babies, Zoe and May were three months old, barely old enough to be fully awake to the world, but still conscious enough to smile at Annie and Daphna’s faces when they saw them and recognize their smell and touch. .
Beatrice Beebe, a psychology professor at Columbia University School of Medicine who studies child development, told the New York Times: “It’s a difficult change, but it’s doable.” The baby would have to learn a whole new set of patterns, but babies are fantastic learners.’
The change was also hard on the oldest children in each family: Olivia, Daphna and Alexander’s daughter, and Annie’s son, whose name was withheld for privacy reasons.
However, the two families stayed close and one day, Annie texted Daphna: “We can definitely visit each one and check on our girls.” It’s very difficult. I don’t know how to let it go.’
Daphna said: ‘What happens if we don’t “let go”? What if we only have 2 babies? We share them.
‘We have to find a way to have both babies. Spend a lot of time together. Raise these girls together.’
Annie immediately agreed: ‘Yes, let’s raise them together. Let’s have two babies.
Families met often. May and Zoe went to the same preschool, and when they went to separate schools for kindergarten, they still saw each other at least once a week.
Birthdays and holidays were shared and the oldest children of both families also became close friends.
The families felt that their situation was gradually normalizing. May still calls Alexander ‘Daddy Xander’ and Daphna ‘Mama Daphna’, Zoe addresses Annie and her husband the same way.
the cardinals filed a lawsuit against the clinic, alleging medical malpractice, negligence and breach of contract.
They settled their lawsuit out of court in 2022, primarily out of concern that Oliva would have to take the stand. Details of the settlement are not available to the public, but a lawyer for the clinic told the New York Times that “the parties reached an amicable agreement.”
And Annie added that May and Zoe, now five, are “still figuring it out.”