A transgender man who chose to keep his womb when he passed so that he could bear his own child has remembered how & # 39; terrible & # 39; pregnancy was.
Freddy McConnell, 32, who lives in a seaside town in the UK, started his journey to fatherhood in 2016, which was filmed for three years as part of a documentary.
The film & # 39; Seahorse: The Dad Who Gave Birth & # 39; shows how Freddy gives up testosterone so that he can become pregnant and eventually live in a limbo.
After carrying his son for a few months, Freddy complains: & If all men got pregnant, pregnancy would be taken more seriously and talked about.
& # 39; F ***, it's terrible. If men had to go through this all the time, you would never hear the end of it. & # 39;
Freddy McConnell chose to keep his womb when he passed from a woman to a man so that he could carry his own child
Freddy started his journey to fatherhood in 2016 and had to stop taking testosterone so that he could become pregnant. In his second attempt, Freddy became pregnant with the help of a sperm donor
Freddy was able to give birth naturally, filmed in the documentary Seahorse: The Dad Who Gift Birth with a water birth
Freddy becomes pregnant from his second attempt to use a sperm donor and explains that filming for the documentary was much harder than he had expected.
& # 39; I think I fully underestimate the difficulty of being on camera and being filmed a lot. I remember thinking "this is really strange that I get used to it," but I never got used to it. & # 39;
He said about his decision to undertake his journey: & # 39; This is a movie about me having a baby. But what I feel I am going through is not that I have a baby or pregnancy, it is a much more fundamental total loss of myself. & # 39;
Director Jeanie Finlay told the Guardian prior to their film screening: & # 39; It is the most challenging film I have made. It was an emotional marathon.
"I don't think anyone realized the dysphoria that Freddy thought would be so difficult.
& # 39; You place someone in a situation that is intentionally challenging and then you add a movie to the mix. That is really hard. & # 39;
Freddy said he feels a special bond with his son after giving birth, but he has to fight to identify himself as the child's father
Freddy reaches the full term and gives birth as a man, but he faces a challenge because the law only recognizes him as a mother.
The general register office refused to call him the father under the rules laid down in 1836 and pointed out that a child must have a mother legally, at least on the document confirming his existence.
Freddy's objections have led to a fight against the Supreme Court against the government, where his lawyer claims that it is a violation of Freddy's human rights to force him to be recognized as the baby's mother.
If Freddy's case is successful, his child will be the first in Britain who, in the eyes of the law, has no mother.
After a failed attempt, Freddy becomes pregnant from his second attempt to use a sperm donor and shares the moment with his mother
He shows off his positive test result while continuing his journey to become a father in the documentary
Scenes in the film show that Freddy is performing a scan, kicks his baby in the stomach and his changing hormones
Talking about experiencing gender dysphoria as a child, he told the Guardian: "I once heard it described as a cosmic toothache, which is very appropriate. And I had felt it since I was three or four years old.
"I rarely spoke about it, but I soon realized that as a young child it wasn't good to talk about it. People don't like it when little kids use terms like & # 39; gender change & # 39; and they tell you to keep your mouth shut. & # 39;
Freddy's mother, Esme (who appears in the documentary and is enormously supportive) thought he would grow out of it, and I believed her & # 39 ;.
After school he went to the University of Edinburgh, studied Arabic and worked abroad, but he found his 20s incredibly difficult due to the growing certainty that he should have been born a man.
Only when he reached college did Freddy decide to start his transition from woman to man, but chose to keep his womb
When he was 25, he was on the way to sex change. He started taking testosterone and then had surgery to remove his breasts. He considered a hysterectomy, but did not continue.
Interestingly enough, he had always wanted to get older and considered becoming pregnant before he passed on. Then he decided that it would be irresponsible. "I had to know exactly who I was before I had a child," he explained.
He was told that he could freeze his eggs for the sake of surrogacy further down the line, but excluded this. When we heard that trans men in the US had given birth, this seemed like a preferred option.
To become pregnant, Freddy must stop taking testosterone to become pregnant. His body goes into a gender limbo. He is starting his period again, which he disapproves of ("I don't like the idea that I have tampons in my bag," he says).
After giving up testosterone, Freddy notices that his hormones are playing havoc while his period returns and his facial hair gets bigger
Freddy said he will be open with his son when he grows up about everything, and adds & # 39; what is appropriate for the age & # 39;
His facial hair becomes whispier and his hips wider. There are tears, lots of emotion, hormones are clearly playing havoc. "I feel like a damn alien," he complains at one of his lows.
Against all odds, Freddy becomes pregnant. Although the pregnancy is not easy, the birth is joyful.
"There is a strong reason for it to be the best human experience, if all goes well," he said since, one of the few men in the world who can say something like that with authority.
The cameras are there when he gives birth, which was a strange experience, but now he's happy that it was captured, not least because one day his child, the one in the heart of this huge debate, will have questions about their birth.
"I look forward to sharing everything," he said. "I'm going to be completely open at every stage – what is appropriate for the age."
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