There are over 600 documented sexual intercourse positions, but despite the endless variation that is possible, the average couple alternates between two or three.
There is no such thing as ‘the best’ position – it all depends on your shapes and height, your individual preferences, mood at the time and the age and phase of your relationship.
Most couples combine position and style, even if their favorites list is quite short.
But what if you never, ever move the goalposts?
There is a LOT to glean about your sex life and relationship if you always – or almost always – have sex in the same position, over and over.
This is why.
Tracey Cox reveals what your choice of gender position says about your relationship as it is revealed that the average couple alternates between just two or three (file image)
The bad news: Unavoidable, predictable, the world’s most boring sex position: he at the top gets bad press. And it could very well mean that both of you are a little lazy in the bedroom, as it doesn’t require any imagination for either part.
When he insists, it speaks volumes about the power dynamics in your relationship. He is in charge and you are expected to keep pace.
It could also mean that he doesn’t care about your sexual needs. When he’s leading the show – with full control over penetration depth, angle, and pace – it usually results in just one orgasm.
But many women insist on having sex in the missionary position only when they fear they have gained weight. It is the most common sex position chosen by people with body image problems, as most of your bodies are hidden from view.
The good news: Despite its bad reputation, missionary is still the way most couples usually have sexual intercourse. It is comfortable and in winter something you can easily put under the covers.
Ironically, if you’re desperate for sex, missionary is also often the position you choose, simply because it’s the first position that comes to mind if you don’t care how the hell you do it, you just have to do now!
Missionary as a go-to position usually means being close: Few couples kiss or put their faces close together when there are anger issues or resentment slipping away.
Your sex life may be a bit boring, but your love life is probably in good shape!
Tracey (pictured) says having sex repeatedly in the doggy position is preferred by those driven by lust rather than love
The good news: Of all positions, this is the most likely to stimulate her G-spot, so your chance of an orgasm is higher. It’s also easy for him to reach around and provide extra clitoral stimulation.
Two reasons why couples who have a strong sex drive and make sex a high priority in their relationship often choose doggie style.
It’s rarely chosen by insecure lovers – there’s no reassuring eye contact, and your partner gets a full view of your genitals and anus.
It’s also the perfect position if you want to indulge in a fantasy that doesn’t involve your partner as you can fantasize about someone else, so couples who want to sneak off can enjoy it too.
The bad news: He-from-behind is primitive: it is animalistic, favored by open-mindedness and driven by lust, not love.
Choose it constantly and you will focus purely on the physical benefits of sex and ignore intimacy.
If it’s him pushing it and you’re not thrilled, it could mean there are control issues in your relationship. Doggy is the most dominant for him and you the most submissive and vulnerable.
The combination of deep penetration and letting go of the ‘beast’ in him also means he won’t last very long.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SEX POSITION?
‘I don’t come often during intercourse, but I still love it because it makes me feel close to my partner. I prefer a missionary because I like to have as much skin-to-skin contact as possible. I want to see his face and I like it when he tells me he loves me while I cum. ‘
‘I hate to get on top. My legs are gripping, I feel stupid and I don’t know how to thrust so that his penis always falls out. I feel cheap and unworthy and keep thinking about how shaky my stomach is. ‘
‘People look down on missionary, but it does the job. There’s something incredibly comforting about having the full weight of another person’s body. I like positions with eye contact, otherwise it feels impersonal. ‘
‘My favorite is him from behind, especially when he’s standing in front of a mirror. I love him, but I want sex to feel like sex. There is plenty of time for love outside the bedroom. ‘
I would say most guys would nominate doggie style as their favorite position. You can really go for it, go really deep, and it doesn’t really matter whether you love the woman or not because she can’t see you. It’s exciting and masculine and certainly the position I choose for casual sex. ‘
‘I love it when she comes out on top because I love to be dominated. I can also lie back and she does all the work, which is always nice. ‘
My ex-wife always chose sex positions that were really challenging. I felt like it was more of an opportunity for her to show how fit she was instead of making a connection. We were very competitive and always tried to beat each other. ‘
While most women don’t orgasm through penetration, it could mean he’s a selfish lover interested only in his own orgasm.
If you never take a personal position, there are generally intimacy issues in your relationship.
WOMAN ON THE TOP
The good news: When you are at the top, you are the boss and the dominant person in the sexual encounter.
This position is chosen by sexually confident, sexually savvy women – and partners who are happy to let a woman take charge.
It says nice things about the strength dynamics in your relationship and your body image. Since everything is there in front of him, only women with a healthy degree of exhibitionism choose it.
It can also mean that there is a lot of trust in your relationship: it’s hard to fake your orgasms because your partner can see your face and watch you cum.
The bad news: In the best relationships, couples switch the sexual dynamics to allow each other to be submissive and dominant.
If you are always on top and he never gets a chance to be the sexual aggressor, you are probably in charge of all other aspects of your relationship.
No problem if you are both satisfied with us. It’s really bad when he feels powerless both in bed and out of it.
SIDE BY SIDE POSITIONS
The good news: It’s sometimes the first position in which a couple has sex (we’ll just sleep, promise … followed by waking you up with an erection pushed into your back).
Long-term side-by-side positions are usually chosen by romantic couples who value intimacy over orgasm and affection over animal attraction.
There is a lot of body contact, it is cuddly and sensual instead of sexual. It’s Sunday morning style sex (the most popular sideways position is spooning), relaxed, unhurried and perfect for when you’re aroused but not lathered to mouth.
The biggest plus – it’s a great position for ‘slow sex’. A ‘It’s not the orgasm but the journey’ philosophy that almost always results in more orgasms for her and suggests a gentle, forward-looking relationship.
The bad news: It lacks the lust appeal of doggy and the face-to-face emotional intensity of missionary, which is probably why side-by-side positions rarely make the top three most popular.
I’m thinking about Lazy – it’s even less hassle than he’s on top – and it could mean sex isn’t a big priority in your relationship.
Side-by-side sex is often an afterthought: should we? Shouldn’t we? Or shall we just lie here and cuddle?
Tracey warns that sex can get impersonal if you just stand face to face with each other’s genitals (file image)
The good news: If penetrative sex is painful or if he has erection problems that make it challenging, this is a good solution. In this case, oral sex is a great way to achieve orgasm together without stress or discomfort.
Many women reach orgasm with their partner only through oral sex. If this is what you do to “ wrap up, ” then it means that your relationship and your sex life are in great shape – and there’s probably no gap in orgasm.
Being up close and personal with someone’s genitals is not only very erotic, it also sends a clear message ‘I love every part of you’.
The bad news: Some men – especially those who use a very tight grip while masturbating – also have problems with orgasms from intercourse. (My sex therapist girlfriend likes to say that even the tightest vagina is still no match for a closed fist.)
But just because you can’t have an orgasm from penetration doesn’t mean you can’t indulge your partner enjoying it. (Ask the 80 percent of women who have regular intercourse and never have an orgasm that way.)
Even if it is the surest route to orgasm, refusing to enjoy anything other than oral sex can mean problems with intimacy and commitment.
Just being face to face with each other’s genitals makes sex impersonal.
For more information about sex and relationships, visit traceycox.com. Tracey’s product ranges are available from lovehoney and her new book, Great Sex Starts at 50, from Amazon.