Gen Z’s manners and social skills are so poor that parents and businesses are increasingly turning to etiquette experts to whip them into shape.
A growing industry of coaches is offering to help young people learn to hold a conversation, claiming they spend more time than is healthy on their phones and struggle to talk to others in real life.
William Hanson, author and host of the podcast Help! I Sexted My Boss, has more than three million followers on Instagram, creating a huge audience for his personal etiquette advice.
Post videos on how to eat politely (including eggs and soldiers) and how to handle yourself in various social situations.
Laura Windsor, of The Laura Windsor Etiquette Academy, told MailOnline her top 10 tips for Gen Z to improve their manners.
Etiquette coach Laura Windsor has revealed her top 10 tips for Gen Z to improve their manners
Her list includes tips on how to respect others, cultural awareness, good table manners, good manners on public transport, how to ask questions, how to dress appropriately and how to have good posture. The full list is below.
Ms Windsor said parents are signing their children up for her etiquette classes because their table manners are “usually appalling” and they are often “shy”.
He added that young people spending a lot of time on social media and their phones means they don’t engage in normal conversation, and that Covid led them to become “lazy” because they had two years without much contact with others.
The expert said: ‘I see a lot of young people in a group around a table, but all they do is talk on their phones.
“It’s all about practice. If you don’t practice enough interacting with others, how will you ever be able to speak fluently? It’s like learning a language: the more you practice, the more fluent you become.”
Ms Windsor added: ‘Covid had a huge impact on young people’s social skills – they became lazy, they had survived two years without contact.
“They have become more shy, more introverted and their parents want to bring them out of their shell,” said one mother.
Laura Akano, founder and head coach of Polished Manners, said she is often approached by parents who want her to work with their children on posture, table manners and conversation.
Parents and businesses are enrolling Gen Z in etiquette classes to help them with manners and basic social skills, such as greeting people and making eye contact (pictured: etiquette coach William Hanson)
Coaches say Gen Z is so glued to their phones that it’s a factor in their poor social skills
She said many young people “don’t have confidence in meeting people, greeting them, making eye contact, even having a conversation, because they often spend so much time on their devices.”
Laura Akano, founder and head coach of Polished Manners, said she is often approached by parents who want her to work with their children on posture, table manners and conversation.
Ms. Akano said that “they are usually not bothered or are just not used to communicating with people individually or in group situations.”
On the growing interest in etiquette classes, she said: ‘I think it has to do mainly with how society has become so relaxed.
“I think in many cases people seem to think ‘I can do whatever I want and I don’t care, no matter what the consequences are’. There seem to be a lot of underlying issues that make people not want to respect others.”
This affects us all on a daily basis, he said, such as when people talk loudly on the phone or listen to loud music on public transport.
Reflecting on her experience working with Generation Z, Ms. Akano said, “I could write a book about that!
‘Usually when they come, they’re not in a very good mood. I remember one person in particular saying, ‘Miss Akano, I don’t want to be here. I’m only here because my mother says I have to be here.’
‘Within an hour or two, everything was fine. But with teenagers in particular, that attitude is acquired within the first half hour or an hour. They soon realise that it is actually very funny and relevant to their daily lives.’
He recalled another child, who was in a bad mood all the time, and his mother told him: “It’s not you, even at home he is like that.”
Meanwhile, companies are investing more in teaching workplace etiquette: how to hold meetings, invite a client to lunch, give a presentation and how to respect colleagues.
Ms. Akano said it is a growing trend, particularly in the US, for companies and universities to hire etiquette instructors to help those entering the workforce improve their professional social skills.
Ms. Windsor’s social and business etiquette for young adults includes: ‘How to meet and greet, first and lasting impressions, how to start a conversation, how to get out of awkward situations, especially if someone asks you something you’d rather not talk about, formal greetings, how to introduce yourself and others appropriately, cross-cultural communication in this multicultural environment.’
Her classes for children include: ‘Learning how to make friends and knowing the importance of having good manners, i.e. making friends easily, being invited to parties, getting along better with adults.’
Both children and young adults, she said, “learn the importance of eye contact, saying hello, shaking hands, smiling, knowing appropriate behavior for everyday life, becoming more self-aware and understanding how their behavior affects others.”
Top 10 Tips for Gen Z to Improve Their Manners
Etiquette coach Laura Windsor says:
1. Practice the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated. Treat someone online as you would talk to them face to face.
2. Be culturally competent: What is considered polite in one culture may be considered rude in another. Adapt your communication style to the culture of the place you are in. There is no right or wrong, there are just different things!
3. Put your mobile device away when you’re around other people, especially at the table. If you’re expecting an (urgent) call, let the people you’re dining with know that you’ll need to step away from the table at some point. Social media and non-urgent calls can wait!
4. When you meet someone, greet them by looking them in the eye, smiling, saying your name and adding “nice to meet you.” Shake hands with an adult. Shake them firmly.
5. Don’t sit down at the table and start eating right away. Wait for others to arrive and follow the directions of your mom, dad, or your friends’ parents if you’re at someone else’s house. Try to keep up with the pace of the other diners.
6. Learn to hold your knife and fork correctly. You should not hold them like pitchforks. You should also not wave your cutlery around while you talk. In the Middle Ages, knives were not only used as eating utensils, but also as weapons. If you waved your knife around, your tablemate might think you were there to cut his throat.
7. Let people get off the train first. Don’t crowd the exit so that people have to squeeze around you to get off. Position yourself to the left or right of the doors, never in the middle. This rule of etiquette applies to anyone exiting an enclosed or interior space.
8. When meeting for the first time, ask general, indirect questions, not personal ones. Adults and children alike should avoid questions like, “Are you married?”, “Do you have any children?” or “Where are you from?” You have no idea what’s going on in people’s lives; for example, asking a woman if she has children can bring up uncomfortable emotions if she can’t have them or if she’s just had a miscarriage. Instead of saying, “Where are you from?” because they have an accent, perhaps you could ask, “Where is your home?” Let others decide how much or how little information they want to share.
9. Young adults: dress appropriately. If you’re going to a job interview, dress appropriately for your industry. Wear clean, ironed clothing, and remember to use deodorant and shine your shoes. It’s all in the details. If there are two candidates applying for the same job and both have excellent qualifications and the same type of experience, what will help them stand out? Good manners and personal presentation.
10. Mind your posture: Your posture is part of your body language; it shows your level of self-esteem and how you feel on a particular day. Slouching is also bad for your physical health and can cause problems later in life. Keep your spine straight. Head parallel to the floor, shoulders back, and rib cage up. Imagine you have a piece of string tied to your head and someone is pulling that string up.
In general, maintain a positive, kind and respectful attitude, towards others and towards yourself.
