Vanderpump Rules star Tom Sandoval has claimed he felt like a criminal during the epic fallout from his secret affair with Rachel Leviss in the infamous ‘Scandoval’ saga earlier this year – and admitted he was put in a ‘really dark place’ left behind as a result of the backlash that he says made him feel like he was “wanted for a triple murder.”
The Bravo star opened up about how the international backlash after the affair came to light left him struggling emotionally and financially, and attempted to apologize again to his ex-girlfriend Ariana Madix in the first episode of his new podcast. Everyone loves Tom.
Reflecting on how he had to hide from the public after being ‘shunned across the country’, Tom explained how difficult it had been having to keep his friends and family at arm’s length due to the abuse they began to receive online . .
‘It was really crazy living as a fugitive. The feeling of being wanted for a triple murder,” he said. “Not being able to go anywhere, being followed, being harassed, just brutal.”
Tom Sandoval has claimed he felt like a criminal fugitive during the epic fallout from his secret affair with Rachel Leviss
He continued, “Everything I did… if I was in a picture with a girl, it’s like we’re having sex.”
The reality star argued that he was forced to watch others create a narrative about his life when he opened up to his friends Jason Bader and Kyle Chan.
“I feel like the story of my life has been pretty much written by everyone over the last six months,” he explained. ‘I would really like to clear some things up, talk about some of the things I’ve learned throughout this whole experience, steps I’ve taken to really improve myself a little bit, and try to use this whole situation as something positive at some points . way.’
The love trickster, who confirmed he had quit drinking in early April, opened up about being left in a dark place as Scandoval saw him attracting attention like never before.
‘For example, I haven’t showered or changed clothes in almost a week. I was so dirty…I got really dark,” he recalled.
Tom claimed it was the first time he began to understand how people were led to suicide, continuing: “When you get into that head space, it’s like a domino effect. Your world starts to collapse on its own and you can’t see outside your feelings.
‘Your peripherals are going away. Your sense of thinking about the future, your ability to escape from it, disappears. There were moments when I felt very, very close.”
The situation isn’t helped by the fact that the star still lives in the house he shares with his ex.
The Bravo star, pictured left, also apologized for cheating with Ariana Madix, pictured center, with their Vanderpump Rules castmate Raquel Leviss, pictured right (seen together in 2022)
The disgraced love cheat admitted the response to the affair left him in emotional and financial trouble, leaving him in a ‘dark place’
Tom said he was forced to go on tour with his band, Tom Sandoval & The Most Extras, because he needed a way to make money at the time.
The star recalled being at home while Ariana was filming an advert that “made fun” of him and admitted that things have gotten to a better place in the house – although the pair still aren’t speaking to each other.
Tom ended the podcast with another “apology” for his actions, as he said, “It’s been such a learning experience, going through everything I’ve done and taking the time to actually see the consequences of my actions.”
He compared his mindset at the time of his affair to that of someone struggling with addiction.
The TV star continued: “You’re so emotionally wrapped up in your feelings, you don’t think logically and you’re just damn selfish. It resembles the behavior of a drug addict.
‘I was just so unhappy in my life. I wasn’t happy with the direction I was going. I felt trapped and didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t know how to deal with it. So I rebelled in the worst possible way.”
He continued, “It was the opposite of what I wanted to do, but inevitably I ended up doing it and that sucks. I’m sorry for all the people I hurt during that process.
‘Arianna was someone I loved very much and I would never want to hurt anyone in that way. I think that’s why sometimes you hurt the people you care about the most, because of your strong bond with them.”
Tom confirmed he hasn’t spoken to Rachel since June, and revealed he was hurt by her claim she had to deal with the fallout from the affair ‘alone’
Tom also admitted that things are still tense as he and Ariana continue to live together despite their divorce (pictured in June 2022 before their divorce)
Elsewhere, Tom came clean about being forced to tour with his band, Tom Sandoval & The Most Extras, because he needed a way to make money at the time.
He said: ‘A lot of people thought I was living some kind of rock star life or whatever. I know (Tom) Schwartz and other people were confused about that.
‘But of course I had to make money. At one point I was supposed to shoot Winter House, but that fell through. Apparently no more expressions of support came in. So at that point I had to go on tour.”
Tom then reflected on how the decision ultimately saved his life, as he continued: “I think quitting drinking and going on tour like it could have saved my life.
“I can’t imagine being locked up because at that moment I had nowhere to go… couldn’t do anything and just wallowed in misery.”
He revealed that his former lover Rachel’s decision to enter a mental health facility in Arizona gave him the impetus to quit alcohol, adding that he “stopped drinking the day they entered the Meadows went.’
However, he couldn’t lean on Rachel after she decided to spend time at Meadows.
Tom’s new podcast will feature an “eclectic mix of celebrities, musicians and friends” and promises more “candid and entertaining conversations”
Tom recalled, “Initially, when all this stuff fell out, we were obviously talking to each other all the time. Then she went to that facility and I was at her beck and call, in a sense, because you can never make calls there.
“I had to wait for her call, which might only happen twice, once a day… I waited constantly. And some days I wouldn’t get that phone call and that really affected my mood.”
The TV star then referenced some comments Rachel has made in recent interviews that left him upset.
“A few things that really hurt my feelings are that she said she was alone because of this. I have always cared so much about her well-being throughout this whole situation.”
Reflecting on her claim that she never really loved him, Tom added: ‘For her to come out and say she was never in love. It’s like… you got into a relationship and kept it going for so long.
‘I did all this for seven months. And you didn’t even like the person? That makes it so much worse for me.”