Women have revealed the most important things they wish they had learned about sex much sooner — including how rare it is for men and women to ejaculate at exactly the same time.
The Australian women, who were mostly in their thirties and forties, said it took too long for them to realize that sex was about them and their pleasure, not just the pleasure of their partners.
FEMAIL asked what women would have liked to know and was inundated with responses ranging from ‘always wear a condom’ to ‘never sleep with your ex’.
Women have revealed the most important things they wish they had learned about sex much sooner — including how rare it is for men and women to come at exactly the same time
“It’s okay to ask for what you want and say no to anything you’re not comfortable with,” said one woman.
“It’s common not to orgasm together, it’s not like in the movie and there’s nothing wrong with ending up at different times,” added another.
Others agreed that if one person is satisfied, the other can and should ask for more attention if they need it.
Other women had some more practical advice.
“If you don’t pee after sex, you could get a urinary tract infection,” said one woman.
“Spend time getting to know your body and what you like through masturbation. Then you can tell your partner what you like’, says another.
And not everyone “gets in the mood the same way,” one woman revealed — shocked she didn’t learn the important fact until she was thirty.
“I recently found that people get excited in two different ways, so some people get excited by the idea of something, while others need the physical touch to get the brain on board,” she said.
Masturbation was a popular topic with many women suggesting the use of sex toys to aid in solo orgasms and sex with a partner.
Masturbation was a popular topic with many women suggesting the use of sex toys to aid in solo orgasms and sex with a partner
“Buy a good vibrator and use it if you tend to call an ex,” one woman advised.
“If you have sex with an ex, you will only hate yourself.”
And others had clear rules about the importance of understanding consent.
“Just because you agreed to sex or are in a relationship one day doesn’t mean you have to have sex if you don’t want to. That’s rape. There must be permission every time. Your partner has to respect that,” said one woman.
Others said consent is also important when it comes to using protection.
“If they try to get you to use a condom, you can walk away,” said one woman.
Many agreed that education on the important subject was still lacking.
“It’s not talked about enough. My parents never taught me about sex and school was pretty bad about it. Christian schools only teach you abstinence. Nothing about pleasure or sexual health,” said one woman, frustrated at the taboo nature of the subject.
Other women told Mamamia that they didn’t realize that sex didn’t have to be sexy, that it could be messy, funny, and chaotic.
“You don’t have to have sex in the dark, and you can talk to each other about it,” said one woman.
“Sex doesn’t always make you feel fulfilled, emotionally or physically,” revealed another.
A reddit thread on the issue of sex revealed that some women felt they had to “fake” so their partners could feel good about pleasing them.
“If there’s a good reason to fake an orgasm, I’ve never heard of it,” said one woman.
Women also agreed that it took them too long to realize their own orgasm was just as important as their partner’s
Ten things women wish they knew about sex sooner:
1 – It’s messy and there’s no point in being super sexy or over performing
2 – Consent is not automatic if you are in a relationship
3 – Women can have the same or more sex drive than men
4 – It’s good to tell your partner what you want in the bedroom
5 – It’s not like in the movies – people often don’t cum at the same time
6 – When your partner is ready, you can ask for more if you need it
7 – It’s okay to withdraw consent if they don’t use protection
8 – Masturbation is healthy and normal
9 – Calling your ex for sex will only make you feel terrible
10 – Sex toys can help you climax alone and with your partner and should be part of your sex life
Others revealed that they struggled with the idea of being equal in the bedroom.
“If you’re a young heterosexual woman, you may have come across the myth that men ‘just have more orgasms.’ In my experience this is not true. The people with a ratio of 1:1 have good, open communication with their partners. Those who don’t; do not. If you guys have a 4:1 ratio, it’s more than likely an operator error and not the hardware,” explained one person.
Others said they had grown up in religious households and felt blind to sex until their mid-20s.
“I’m afraid of dating because I’ve barely kissed anyone because I was afraid to go too far. Now everyone I know has a lot more experience, which is scary,” admitted one woman.
“Growing up, I must have learned indirectly that men want sex and women allow sex. They entertain us to make us happy, but it would be fine never to have sex unless to make babies,” one woman said.
“Boy, were they wrong — most of the women I know have higher sex drives than their partners,” she added.