A leading psychotherapist has warned parents that they are risking their children’s well-being by raising them as a gender-neutral “them”.
A new 60 Minutes clip has dealt with Australian parents who refuse to treat their children as boys or girls and refer to them as “them”.
Instead, parents allow their children to choose their own pronouns and gender when they are older.
However, British psychiatrist Mark Farmeyer, who works with children and parents on gender issues, warned that raising children without gender can cause them to have a difficult time at school and in society.
“By raising a child perhaps in this way, where they are not assigned a gender at all, they are different,” he said. By definition, they stand out no matter how we look at them.
“It creates this sense of difference and is ultimately an experience.”
Australian parents Amy and Danny reveal how they didn’t tell anyone Bertie’s gender because they didn’t want their child to be stereotyped (pictured together)
He also questioned whether children should be raised gender-neutral, or whether parents should leave it up to the child to decide whether they are gender-neutral later in life.
I think it’s healthy and positive. But perhaps there is a fine line between how far this is taken and how a child orients himself in a world where it is said “you are gender neutral, it is up to you whether you are a boy or a girl”.
“It’s a whole different discussion if a child comes up to their parents and at some point in their life says, ‘Well, actually, I question this and maybe I’m one of them.'”
“This is driven by the child.”
Australian parents Amy and Danny have revealed how they didn’t tell anyone the gender of their baby Bertie because they didn’t want their child to be stereotyped.
The couple were not happy that their daughter Evie, now 9, was being stereotyped, which led them to decide on Bertie.
“The experience of raising Evie and what we saw happen to Evie in the assumptions that were made of Evie as a girl, were things we weren’t comfortable with,” Danny said.
They withheld Bertie’s gender from family and friends to ensure she was not “affected” by gender norms.
Although people were confused at first, the parents said they soon stopped asking.
Sociologist and gender expert Dr Kel Myers (pictured with Child Zoomer) and her Australian partner Brent raise their children genderless
British psychiatrist Mark Farmeyer (pictured), who works with children and parents on gender issues, warned of potential problems with raising children on a gender-neutral basis.
The parents admit that they cannot handle the people who affect Bertie as the child grows older, but they dismiss the idea that they are making their lives more difficult.
I don’t think Bertie is confused at all. I think what we’re trying to do is not constrain Bertie. So, if Bertie gravitates toward anything, we try not to say, “No, you can’t do that,” but, “Well, sure, go explore that thing,” Danny said.
Sociologist and creative gender expert Dr. Kyle Myers and her Australian partner Brent raise their children genderless.
Their child named Zoomer was raised gender neutral, before returning home at the age of four and revealing that he was a boy.
He said, “I love the pronouns he/it,” and, you know, I was like, “This is cool,” she said.
It also rejected claims that gender neutral was “disconcerting” for children.
Zommer (pictured) was raised gender neutral, before returning home at the age of four and revealing he was a boy
“I think it’s actually confusing to make people, to make kids think that, what, eight billion people on this planet fit neatly into one of two boxes?”
However, development experts have warned that the paternalistic tendency can backfire once children are exposed to the wider community.
Children will struggle to cope, Liz Elliott, a professor of neurology at the Medical College of Chicago, told NBC News.
“Once your child meets the outside world, which could be daycare, preschool, or grandparents—it’s pretty much impossible to maintain a gender-free state,” she said.
“And depending on how traditional your society is, you may be setting your child up for bullying or exclusion.”
