The simple change YOU can make in your language for a happier marriage revealed
- People who use “we-talk” when describing experiences have happier marriages
- “We-talk” involves using first-person plural pronouns, such as “we” instead of “I”
It may sound deceptively simple, but a new study suggests that a fundamental change in your language can help increase marital satisfaction.
Researchers at the University of Quebec say that people who use “we-talk” when describing experiences have happier marriages.
As the name suggests, “we-talk” involves using first-person plural pronouns such as “we” and “us” instead of “I” and “me.”
“Spouses’ use of ‘we’ may emphasize a shared identity, or ‘we-ness,’ rather than a separate or individualistic interpretation of the self within a romantic relationship,” the researchers explained.
“This ‘we-ness’ may reflect partners’ mutual influence on one another, as well as their sense of interconnectedness.”
It may sound deceptively simple, but a new study suggests that a fundamental change in your language could help boost marital satisfaction
In the study, the team looked at the impact of “we-talk” on married couples facing a common stressor: young children.
In their study, published in Personal relationshipsthe researchers, led by Catherine Ouellet-Courtois, explained: ‘Raising preschool age children is associated with increased marital conflict and decreased marital satisfaction and was therefore considered a potential stressor for both partners.’
The team recruited 77 couples with a child under the age of seven who were asked to rate their marital satisfaction.
Each spouse was then asked to lead a seven-minute discussion about the most difficult aspects of raising young children, and how this affected their relationship with their partner.
During the discussions, the researchers noted which pronouns were used, and whether they were plural (we, our, us, ourselves) or singular (I, me, my).
The results showed that couples who used more “we-talk” reported significantly higher marital satisfaction.
“These findings suggest that greater cognitive interdependence, as indicated by we-talk, may protect against declines in marital satisfaction over time,” the team added.
The study comes shortly after research found that thinking about your ex can actually improve your current relationship.
University of Kansas psychologists asked volunteers to reflect on nostalgic memories with a former partner.
The results showed that couples who used more “we-talk” reported significantly higher marital satisfaction
Those who were able to do this showed more satisfaction with their current relationship and more motivation to stick with it.
The team also explored the reason for this by asking the volunteers how much they feel they have grown since their previous relationship.
Individuals who reported an increase in relationship satisfaction also felt they had grown since their past.
The researchers think this is because this feeling increases their appreciation for their current partner.
