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The simple change YOU can make to your language for a happier marriage, revealed


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The simple change YOU can make in your language for a happier marriage revealed

  • People who use “we-talk” when describing experiences have happier marriages
  • “We-talk” involves using first-person plural pronouns, such as “we” instead of “I”

It may sound deceptively simple, but a new study suggests that a fundamental change in your language can help increase marital satisfaction.

Researchers at the University of Quebec say that people who use “we-talk” when describing experiences have happier marriages.

As the name suggests, “we-talk” involves using first-person plural pronouns such as “we” and “us” instead of “I” and “me.”

“Spouses’ use of ‘we’ may emphasize a shared identity, or ‘we-ness,’ rather than a separate or individualistic interpretation of the self within a romantic relationship,” the researchers explained.

“This ‘we-ness’ may reflect partners’ mutual influence on one another, as well as their sense of interconnectedness.”

It may sound deceptively simple, but a new study suggests that a fundamental change in your language could help boost marital satisfaction

In the study, the team looked at the impact of “we-talk” on married couples facing a common stressor: young children.

In their study, published in Personal relationshipsthe researchers, led by Catherine Ouellet-Courtois, explained: ‘Raising preschool age children is associated with increased marital conflict and decreased marital satisfaction and was therefore considered a potential stressor for both partners.’

The team recruited 77 couples with a child under the age of seven who were asked to rate their marital satisfaction.

Each spouse was then asked to lead a seven-minute discussion about the most difficult aspects of raising young children, and how this affected their relationship with their partner.

During the discussions, the researchers noted which pronouns were used, and whether they were plural (we, our, us, ourselves) or singular (I, me, my).

The results showed that couples who used more “we-talk” reported significantly higher marital satisfaction.

“These findings suggest that greater cognitive interdependence, as indicated by we-talk, may protect against declines in marital satisfaction over time,” the team added.

The study comes shortly after research found that thinking about your ex can actually improve your current relationship.

University of Kansas psychologists asked volunteers to reflect on nostalgic memories with a former partner.

The results showed that couples who used more

The results showed that couples who used more “we-talk” reported significantly higher marital satisfaction

Those who were able to do this showed more satisfaction with their current relationship and more motivation to stick with it.

The team also explored the reason for this by asking the volunteers how much they feel they have grown since their previous relationship.

Individuals who reported an increase in relationship satisfaction also felt they had grown since their past.

The researchers think this is because this feeling increases their appreciation for their current partner.


Kale Monk, an assistant professor of human development and family sciences at the University of Missouri, says on-again, off-again relationships are associated with more abuse, poorer communication, and less commitment.

People in these kinds of relationships have to make informed decisions about whether to stay together once and for all or to end their relationship.

Here are his top five tips for figuring out if it’s the right time to end your relationship –

1. When rekindling a relationship that has ended or avoiding future breakups, partners should reflect on the reasons they broke up to determine if there are any consistent or ongoing issues affecting the relationship.

2. It can be helpful to have explicit conversations about issues that led to a breakup, especially if the issues are likely to reoccur. However, if there has ever been violence in the relationship, or if talking about relationship problems could lead to safety concerns, consider seeking help when it is safe to do so.

3. Just like thinking about the reasons the relationship ended, spend time thinking about the reasons why reconciliation might be an option. Is the reason rooted in commitment and positive feelings, or more in obligations and convenience? Rather, the latter reasons lead down a path of perpetual distress.

4. Remember that it’s okay to end a toxic relationship. For example, if your relationship is beyond saving, don’t feel guilty about leaving for your mental or physical well-being.

5. Couples counseling or couples therapy isn’t just for partners on the verge of divorce. Even happy dating and married couples can benefit from “relationship checkups” to strengthen the bond between partners and get extra support as they approach relationship transitions.

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