A couple put their arms around each other and leaned in close for a heartfelt kiss. tilts her head and closes her eyes; He is an extrovert, looking at her with protective devotion.
They seem happy in each other’s company, and are clearly good lovers and friends, comfortable with each other and in their own skins.
So far, very impressive. But equally, so what? The red carpet shot posted in the Mail this week isn’t exceptional, to be sure… except for the fact that it’s Keanu Reeves, the 58-year-old movie star – and his girlfriend, Alexandra Grant, is not only 50 but has gray hair too.
However, shock – and even horror – is expressed every time a new photo of the couple emerges.
Shock – and even horror – is expressed every time a new photo of Keanu Reeves by Alexandra Grant emerges
People can’t seem to get over the fact that a heartthrob is still dating a mature woman, rather than a curvaceous little girl with puffy lips and an eerily immobile face. (Grant’s gray hair is always mentioned in press coverage.)
What bothers people about this relationship? Are they the same age? Is that, although she is a handsome woman, she is not traditionally beautiful? And it doesn’t look like she’s had cosmetic alterations to make her look like every other woman in Hollywood.
Grant is a successful artist who speaks three languages, teaches and is a regular doer of good philanthropic things. But where are the breasts, hips, and long, lustrous hair that suggest she could be squeezing five kids in such many years and doing Pirelli braces?
Hot babes are masculine accessories like big watches and fast cars
That look of vitality, youth, and fertility that many women seek to emulate long after those particular evolutionary origins are gone.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a sexy rich man must forever remain in need of a younger and hotter wife. Unless she’s been married to him for aeons, we’ve been taught the idea that a middle-aged woman doesn’t sit right with a middle-aged male icon.
I admit that I am a serial criminal. If I ever see a famous guy with an “ordinary” woman, I’m amazed and almost awed. It’s not that I’m against it, it’s just that it’s so rare, like albino tigers or Democracy tigers. However, when I saw another Ancient Gate posing with his highly polished arm candy, I just sighed.
People can’t seem to get over the fact that a heartthrob is dating a mature woman, rather than a nimble little girl with puffy lips and an eerily immobile face.
I blame male vanity. Insecure men need validation of their own importance, so sexy little babes are just as much an accessory to their ego as big watches, noisy cars, and everything to do with their assets.
According to statistics, women focus on turning gray, and men on baldness. But when women turn gray, they don’t start dating someone half their age.
Leading men like Keanu Reeves, who refuse to conform to these “common standards,” are the exceptions that prove the rule.
Pierce Brosnan, 69, is another. He defended his wife of 30 years, Kelly Shay Smith, 59, from fat-shaming trolls recently with these words: “Friends offered her surgery to reduce her weight.” But I deeply love every curve of her body. She is the most beautiful woman in my eyes… I am very proud of her, and always strive to be worthy of her love.
There is something in common between Brosnan and Reeves that might explain why they are among the more highly developed males of their species. Brosnan’s first wife died of cancer, while Keanu’s ex, Jennifer Syme, died in a car accident in 2001, at the age of 28, shortly after they lost their first stillborn child. Tragedy and grief deepened his distance from Hollywood mania.
I met Keanu Reeves several times in the ’90s when I was researching a magazine article. It was such a crushingly embarrassing story that I had to act like a privileged fan (a stalker, more like that). Go out and meet him, my editor said, which I eventually did.
According to statistics, women focus on turning gray, and men on baldness. But when women turn gray, they don’t start dating someone half their age
The man she found clearly didn’t believe the hype surrounding his star-studded career and longed for a normal life. It does not surprise me that today he does not feel the need to assert his masculinity by having a child by his side. It is an oasis in the desert of emotionally shallow male narcissists.
Keanu couldn’t believe the hype about himself
Of course, if women were more brave looking at their age, men might have to change.
Alexandra Grant attended a celebrity-packed dinner in Beverly Hills shortly after revealing their relationship in 2019, and said beauty is “something you can see with your eyes closed.”
I wish – but it is a commendable sentiment and went well with the distinguished attendees. However, none of them let their hair turn grey.
Demi Moore, who was in her late fifties, sported jet black hair that looked like Morticia Addams. The rest were in their late 40s: Gwyneth Paltrow with easygoing, delicious East Coast American honey hair, and Kate Hudson and celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe with sexiest West Coast blonde locks that spell youthfulness.
Because we don’t pretend that when we see gray-haired stars on the red carpet, we don’t even notice. We do – and mentally assess their sexual attractiveness. Gray hair screams that you’re sexually past your fertile period (model Erin O’Connor went gray for a while, but I’ve noticed she’s gone back to black. Has labor dried up, one wonders?)
It’s still not really good until you’re “old”. The truth is, many of us will die with hair that wasn’t allowed to turn gray.
My mouse brown hair was red when I first spotted gray, then light brown, then blonde. Endless shades of blonde. My reasons for abandoning the facade were cost, time, and the fact that I was finding it increasingly difficult to convince me of it.
Giving up hair dye was, in a way, also giving up my ambition for textbook sex appeal.
Giving up hair dye was, in a way, also giving up my ambition for textbook sex appeal. I was about to say, “I’m giving up. Yeah, everyone, look at me, my ovaries are useless. Maybe me too!”
My boyfriend – a younger man, if you’re interested – would just let me get on with life, but sometimes would ask if I wanted to dye my hair again – once, when he was drunk, he even asked if I wanted to have a job boob. I said no thanks.
Are you kidding? He says he loves my gray hair and the way it has changed my body, but I’m not sure how I feel about it. We women live in a world where we are not good enough. We are probably worse than men at judging our looks versus what we see on red carpets.
In fact, our reaction to Keanu and his girlfriend Alexandra tells us a lot about our prejudices and, in fact, nothing about the happy couple. One of Alexandra’s circles, writer Elise Lohnen, said her friend is “much more than just the color of her hair and her famous life partner”. Elise is right. Alexandra seems like someone who thinks she’s enough.
What’s really shocking about this photo of a sweetheart couple in their 50s is that we – myself included – give a damn about it.
Despite all the people talking about equality, we hardly budge in this debate. It’s a bit more acceptable in Hollywood for women to look older and more gray, but no matter how many kisses Keanu and Alexandra exchange on the red carpet, our attitude to normal aging is still pretty disgusting.
