The world watched in horror last month as footage emerged of former hip hop superstar P. Diddy violently attacking his ex-girlfriend, singer Cassie Ventura, in a hotel hallway.
Disturbing video surveillance showed the star throwing her to the ground, then kicking and dragging her across the ground in an attempt to stop her from leaving.
She is far from the only celebrity to commit acts of violence against her partner. Legendary performer Tina Turner said she endured years of abuse at the hands of her husband Ike, while, in 2009, R&B singer Chris Brown was accused of beating her ex-partner Rihanna.
Many of the female victims say they were shocked by the violent behavior of the person they loved, who was gentle and kind when she met him.
So how can women spot a person with the potential to become violent? Speaking to DailyMail.com, experts say that while there are a multitude of reasons why men become abusive, there are some common predictors.
Recent footage released of former hip hop superstar P. Diddy shows him throwing his then-girlfriend Cassie Ventura to the ground, kicking her and dragging her across the ground.
R&B singer Chris Brown has a long history of alleged abuse, including punching Rihanna in the face in 2009 after she accused him of lying.
These include a need for control and power, a sense of entitlement, a lack of self-esteem, and cultural attitudes about domestic violence that they use to justify their behavior.
Social workers who rehabilitate abusers have recounted the reasons cited by the offenders themselves. These include the use of physical force as a way to obtain sex and prevent partners from leaving.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) estimates that one in four women and one in nine men in the U.S. experience some form of domestic violence, also called intimate partner violence.
On average, almost 20 people per minute are physically abused by their partners, which is equivalent to more than 10 million men and women per year.
The United States experienced a rise in domestic violence during Covid, as lockdown measures limited victims’ access to resources and the outside world and exacerbated factors typically associated with violence, such as stress, struggles over money and alcohol and substance use.
While abuse can be perpetrated against both men and women by men and women, the U.S. Department of Justice found that at least 85 percent of victims are women.
Crystal Justice, director of external affairs at the National Domestic Violence Hotline, told DailyMail.com: ‘Domestic violence is not always physical. Intimate partner violence can manifest itself in many ways, including cases of physical, emotional, digital (using technology to cause harm), and financial abuse and control.
“Non-physical forms of abuse can be just as harmful but harder to identify.”
Domestic violence can start subtle and then escalate.
The abuser may express the need to take charge of the finances, where his partner goes, who he talks to, and what he wears.
They also bully and manipulate, verbally berate and make their partner feel guilty for no reason.
Experts told this website that common red flags of a potential abuser include jealousy, wanting to isolate your partner, being forceful during sex, being violent towards animals, blaming others for your problems or feelings, pushing the relationship quickly and place unrealistic expectations on couples.
Gayle Weill, a licensed psychotherapist in New York, told DailyMail.com: “There is no single reason or factor that determines why someone becomes abusive, but there are some common psychological factors that can contribute.”
These include a need for control that arises from a man’s low self-esteem, feeling threatened by his partner’s independence or success.
Many abusers may also have a history of witnessing abuse, for example between their parents.
They may also view violence as an appropriate way to resolve conflict or have difficulty expressing emotions that can lead to aggression.
Abusers may think they are entitled to power. They often believe that men are dominant figures in relationships, which leads them to use abusive tactics to gain and retain control.
Additionally, Ms. Weill said cultural beliefs and environment play a large role in abuse and social pressures also contribute.
He added: “Social narratives can downplay or even excuse men’s abusive behavior, particularly if it is seen as “assertiveness” or “protection.” This can lead men to minimize their violent actions and prevent them from seeking help for unhealthy behavior patterns.
‘Beware of friends who joke about controlling their partners, downplaying violence, or blaming victims, which can normalize abusive behavior. This can make a man who is already struggling with anger or control issues feel that his actions are acceptable.
Dr. Brian Tierney, a psychologist, agreed, telling this website that he believes “the social construction of masculinity is toxic” and that pop culture, like movies and music, “plays an important role.” when it comes to influencing the narrative and internal male emotions.
American girlfriend Anna Kendrick said she suffered emotional and psychological abuse in a previous six-year relationship, but never revealed the identity of her abuser.
Legendary entertainer Tina Turner said she endured years of abuse at the hands of her husband Ike Turner, including a beating while she was pregnant.
Chuck Derry, co-founder of the Gender Violence Institute, added: “One of the biggest contributors (to abuse) are the social norms that men are the heads of the family, men are better than women, women are weak, “Women are emotional.” , women are stupid… all this cultural language that (we are exposed to).
‘So it all supports this notion: “I’m in control.” This is my home. You will do what I tell you. You are married to me and I am your owner. In reality these are men who are selfish (incredibly selfish) and are willing to hurt others to get what they want.’
Derry, who has worked with abusive men facing the justice system for more than 40 years, said abusers cannot hide behind the excuse of mental health issues.
He told DailyMail.com that psychological assessments of men who attended his groups revealed they are no more likely to suffer from mental health problems than the average person.
While several experts told this website that many abusers were abused or witnessed domestic violence as children, Derry said that does not guarantee that a man will repeat the cycle.
Through her judicial work, she discovered that many of the men were not victims or witnessed violence. Meanwhile, he meets siblings of abusers, subjected to the same domestic violence, who do not become violent.
Mr Derry said: “I have worked with many men who are one of three or four brothers and their father was very abusive… but only one of those brothers grew up and became abusive.” The other three said, “There’s no way I’m putting this kind of pain in someone’s life just to get what I want.”
“But one brother said, ‘Oh, this worked and Dad got what he wanted when he wanted.’
To help understand what makes men violent, Mr. Derry asks them why they were abusive and what they considered the “benefits” to be.
They said it earned them respect, allowed them to control finances, establish power and dominance, and have sex whenever they wanted.
Responses included: “She won’t spend money” and “getting my way,” as well as scaring her into staying and controlling behaviors that abusers don’t like, such as going out or wearing certain clothes.
Some men said they were abusive because it allowed them to “convince her that she was screwing up” or isolate her from her family and friends.
According to Derry, in most cases, men only decide to change their behavior when they face a prison sentence and are forced to attend court-ordered treatment.
Abusive men, Derry said, “have decided to be physically violent.”
The idea that one day they “just break up” is a common misunderstanding.
He says: ‘When they are physically violent, they have decided to be physically violent. They either decided right then and there, or two weeks ago, or two months ago, that they would slap her if she ever did that again.
‘The belief suggests that abusers simply lose control… and they don’t. They have complete control.’
While many strangers will ask victims why they stayed in the relationship and why it took them so long to leave, experts say that “leaving an abusive relationship is never easy and is not always the safest option.”
Some may stay because they don’t have access to their money or have lost contact with their support system. His partners can track his location, making escape impossible. They can also stay if there are children or pets involved and they do not want to leave them behind.
What is encouraging, however, is that the conversation about domestic abuse has opened up recently, with the stigma of shame that victims feel dissipating and people being more willing to talk about it.
This goes a long way in helping victims of abuse safely leave their toxic relationships and recover from their trauma.
A domestic abuse survivor told DailyMail.com; ‘It has been almost 10 years since I left my six-year mentally and psychologically abusive relationship and I have only now begun to shed the shame I felt and share my story.
“I am feeling less ashamed and I hope that by speaking out, other young women will see that there is light on the other side and that they are not victims of domestic abuse, they are survivors.”
