Ditch the tweed from head to toe, wear skinny jeans and NEVER wear new wellies. Here’s how to look good on your country getaway.

The cut of your jeans, the mere fact of carrying an umbrella or your choice of luggage can immediately expose you as a country citizen, from the moment you get out of the car.

Giving the game as a gift is much easier than you think. In my corner of the Cotswolds, not even your dog is free from scrutiny: if he’s wearing a coat, there’s only one acceptable brand. So whenever you’re planning a trip to the countryside, unless you want to make it painfully obvious that you’re not a local, follow my simple and elegant rules to avoid rural ridicule.

THE COACH’S GREAT SNOBERRY

The wrong footwear is the number one way to stand out like a sore thumb. In the trunk of the car you should always wear comfortable shoes and, above all, never wear sports shoes.

You want to look like you’re in shape walking the dogs or exercising the horses, not in a gym. Invest in sturdy leather boots from Blundstone or Penelope Chilvers.

Those high fashion scarlet or polka dot wellies might (almost) go unnoticed on the mean streets of Harrogate or Haslemere, but they are not fit for purpose in the country proper.

You need knee-high wellies to stop mud seeping in and sensible grips on the soles to stop you ending up writhing on your back like a frantic scissor when you slip.

Don’t worry about the brand: Le Chameau and Aigle are classy, ​​but the classiest people are often found in agricultural Dunlops. The worst crime? Expensive new wellies clearly bought for walking around a Daylesford organic shop.

PACK THE PADDED COAT AND BUY A VEST

While we recommend a cozy Uniqlo layer under your Barbour to keep you warm, the disheveled hamster look when a puffer coat deflates in the rain will immediately mark you as a city visitor.

Buy a vest instead.

Perfect for avoiding incipient hypothermia on visits to unheated country houses and for running in and out of the car without having to put on and take off your coat over and over again.

Elegant Cotswolds women wear By Soren waistcoats made from recycled pure virgin wool blankets, and men wear Schoffel waistcoats or waistcoats.

SKINNY JEANS – NEVER FLARED

The fashion pages want to dress us in baggy jeans this season, but country dwellers know there’s nothing worse than acres of wet denim billowing around an ankle.

The slim leg reigns supreme when tucked into boots and looks elegant under a suitably aged Barbour. Stick to classic blue jeans or try corduroy pants.

While stretchy leather pants have the advantage of being fluffy when splashed with mud, they can be a difficult look to achieve. (Best paired with a moth-hole cashmere sweater for the perfect carefree vibe.)

CHOOSE A WEEKEND BAG INSTEAD OF A WHEEL COVER

Just like with the redundant umbrella, your hands will already be busy and you’ll have to drive everywhere anyway, so you don’t need a top-handle designer bag full of daytime essentials.

If you must carry a bag, make sure it’s strapped to your body (try Hettie from Tusting or Barbour Island) and is no larger than absolutely necessary: ​​keys, lipstick, dog treats, and poop bags cover all the bases.

When packing for a trip, keep the rolling suitcase for air travel and opt for a leather, nylon, or canvas weekender or duffel bag. Try Bric’s, Rains or Marks & Spencer for good examples of travel bags, or take a cue from all the girls at boarding schools across the country and opt for a Pliage by Longchamp.

DITCH DESIGNER LOGOS AND GIRLIE COLORS

Think stealth wealth, not conspicuous consumption. Please don’t become a walking billboard advertising a brand by wearing it from head to toe, with flashy logos and interlocking monograms.

You may think your entire Holland Cooper tweed ensemble screams country lady, but choose just one well-cut piece, not the entire collection.

Don’t dress like a rainbow: learn to love the sludge, greige and browns color palette.

You don’t want to scare the horses, and there is mud EVERYWHERE. By the way, the only white clothing you should see in the country is a vicar’s surplice or a wedding dress.

THE IMPORTANCE OF THE HAT

To get ahead, put on a hat, the old saying goes, and nowhere is this more true than in the English countryside, where umbrellas are an unnecessary and, frankly, often useless affectation. You only have to try holding a dog leash and an umbrella in the pouring rain while trying to get into the local antique store to realize they’re best kept in town. What you need is a good hat.

For years I relied on my grandfather’s old Christys trilby hat, which I recently replaced with a Rachel Trevor-Morgan felt version for the races, and a pom pom beanie for everyday wear. You’ll want to steer clear of the Supreme beanies or the Jacquemus baseball caps.

PS: DO NOT DRESS YOUR DOG

Unless your dog is a trembling whippet, a retired greyhound, or a short dachshund, country dogs don’t wear coats. (In very muddy or arctic conditions, an Equafleece coat or sweater is practically acceptable.)