A psychologist has cleared up some common misconceptions about what it takes to be happy and how to improve your well-being by leveraging positive thinking and relationships.
dr. Sue Roffey, who lives in the UK, co-wrote the book Creating The World We Want To Live In, about how positive psychology can be a much more affective way to achieve happiness than money or success.
She shared her advice on finding satisfaction with Femail, saying that decades of research confirm that it is possible to live a fulfilled life, but that having the perfect body or the latest designer items is not the way to do it. to do.
She revealed how healthy relationships — based on support and communication rather than appearance — and valuing meaning and purpose over financial gain can positively impact your life.
dr. Sue Roffey (pictured) co-authored the book Creating The World We Want To Live In, about how positive psychology can be a much more affective way to achieve happiness than money or success
“We all listen to reports that if we have the best and newest of something, get a gold medal or A* exam results, win the lottery, become famous or look like a movie star, luck will follow just as surely as the day follows night’, said Suus.
“Of course, the moment we achieve glory or that new car, we are probably ecstatic and want to cherish those moments. Who not!? But none of them stay.
You only have to read the biographies of the rich and famous to realize that they too often struggle, sometimes even more so because they have placed their trust in experiences that will no doubt disappoint over time.
The good news, confirmed by decades of wellness research, is that long-term happiness is certainly within reach, as long as we look in the right places and are willing to take action that may seem a little counterproductive at first glance. Stick with it and find gold!’
She shared her advice on finding satisfaction with Femail, saying that decades of research confirm that it is possible to live a fulfilled life.
Here, Sue reveals her advice on how to find happiness by forming healthy thinking habits and relationships.
It is above all the quality of our relationships that sustains us. And to have good relationships, we should not focus on what is good for ‘me’, but what is good for ‘us’.
The best relationships are where there is give and take, communication is warm and friendly, people are interested in each other, offer support when needed or share joy when there is something to celebrate.
While close relationships are most rewarding, how people interact as colleagues, friends, or neighbors can also contribute to well-being.
Kindness, consideration, and cooperation build the positive, while control, competition, selfishness, and broken trust are toxic. The best education for the future happiness of children is learning how to form and maintain healthy relationships
Meaning and Purpose
One of the most powerful documentaries I’ve seen is about Scott Neeson, an Australian who became very successful in Hollywood. He had fame, fortune, status, beautiful women and big houses.
When he was rushed by a new production company, he asked for a break before taking the new job. At that time, he went to Cambodia and saw children survive on garbage dumps.
He made it his life goal to provide as much shelter, education and health care as possible. The documentary showed a beaming Scott surrounded by smiling Cambodian children. He recognized that although his past life had brought him success, only now had he found real meaning and happiness.
What exactly is wellbeing? Academics argue that pleasure and satisfaction are very different things
The book, written by Sue along with co-authors Bridget Grenville-Cleave, Dóra Guðmundsdóttir, Felicia Huppert, Vanessa King, David Roffey and Marten de Vries, says that “well-being” doesn’t mean being happy all the time.
‘What do we mean by well-being or flourishing? People often equate well-being with experiencing pleasure, but pleasure is a transient state and can be achieved by means that are not always useful in the longer term (such as partying before an important interview).
‘Real well-being or ‘thriving’, on the other hand, is a sustainable state in which you feel good and function well. This includes having positive relationships, feeling valued, seeing ourselves as competent, developing our potential, and having a sense of purpose and autonomy.
‘Well-being does not mean that you always feel good. Life has ups and downs. Difficult or painful emotions are an appropriate response to experiences such as grief after loss or misfortune, and distress or even anger after injustice.
“Understanding and managing such emotions well is an important part of well-being and helps us cope with difficult times.”
His story is being imitated by many more people, including those who won the lottery and then returned to their old jobs!
Finding what gives you meaning and purpose and dedicating time to it brings long-lasting life satisfaction. Whether this is sports, music, family or volunteer work, it is your choice and you will work with your heart and soul.
An attitude of gratitude
We’re ready to focus on the negative – what’s going wrong, what we don’t have, and how we’re missing out. This is likely contributing to the mental health crisis sweeping the western world.
It has been proven that a deep and regular awareness of what we have not only brightens our mind in general, but also relieves depression. Simply writing down three things a day that you are grateful for can change your perspective to one of gratitude.
We take many things for granted and only really become aware of them when they are suddenly no longer there. Once you’ve spent time with someone whose mobility is limited, you may be grateful to be able to walk around a room unaided or when the water shuts off unexpectedly, you’ll become thankful for the easy access to a hot shower.
Simply telling kids to be grateful for what they have is likely to backfire. Instead, sit with them at bedtime and ask them to best tell you what happened that day.
being in the moment
We spend so much of our precious lives mulling over the past or worrying about the future. While there is a place for that, we miss out on so much real experience and happiness when we can’t be “in the moment.”
Mindfulness has great wellness benefits and can be learned, but it doesn’t take training to stop and “be” a few times a day.
Some people find they can do this when they are lost in a piece of music, others are fixated by the beauty of nature or just being with a toddler as they explore the world.
Children are often rushed from one activity to another without having time to “stand and stare.” Perhaps for their future happiness they need opportunities to practice this.
Let happiness find you
Like trying to catch a butterfly, happiness is elusive. The harder we try, the farther it flies. So let real happiness come to you.
Raise your awareness of what this means in how you live your life; tune in to what makes sense, appreciate the moments, nurture your relationships, and maybe stop wasting precious time and energy chasing the myth.
dr. Sue Roffey is a psychologist, academic and co-author of Creating the World We Want to Live In (Routledge), available now for £19.99