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The joy of FEXT: That's fighting with your partner via text – like Jill Biden admits she does

Are you indulging in a bit of ‘fexting’? dr. Jill Biden confesses that she does that with her husband, President Joe Biden. Or do you wonder like me what that is?

Is it flirty texting – a close cousin of ‘sexting’? Or maybe ‘First Lady texting’ made especially for Jill Biden’s position?

No. I can imagine that every couple has been involved with it at some point: ‘Fighting over text’.

While I’ve never used the phrase “fexting” before (although I’ll add it to my dictionary right away), it’s a practice I’m very familiar with.

dr.  Jill Biden (right) and President Joe Biden (left) confess to arguing (fight over text)

dr. Jill Biden (right) and President Joe Biden (left) confess to arguing (fight over text)

My first fight over text was probably on my stylish Nokia 3330, when each text had a monetary value and messages had to be carefully constructed to ensure they didn’t exceed the word limit and ended up splitting between two messages that could arrive with a gap of few minutes.

Those early lyrics probably read something like “I h8 u.” But now, 17 years later, I have mastered the art of fexting. Here are the things to keep in mind:

1) The best – and worst – about a ‘fext’ is that it is permanent. It can be used as evidence at any time in the future.

Everything you say can be analyzed and referenced in all future battles. If an argument is verbal, you can claim that you never said anything that you later regret. But with a text there is no discussion. It’s all there, recorded.

I have a screenshot of a message my friend sent me in 2012. So am I a psychopath? Could be.

Has it helped to prove my point in future arguments? Absolute. This is something that Dr. Biden herself pointed out when she reminded her husband of the longevity of his lyrics.

She said, ‘You realize that will go down in history. There will be a report on that.’ And while they may not write history books about the texts you send your man, everything you say is still just as permanent

Flora Gill explains that the best and worst part about fxt is that it is permanent.  British writer explains how to get the upper hand in a fexting fight

Flora Gill explains that the best and worst part about fxt is that it is permanent. British writer explains how to get the upper hand in a fexting fight

2) ‘Fexting’ is perfect for small, bickering issues like ‘Why don’t you ever draw the curtains in the morning?’ or ‘What were you thinking about raising Josie when Harry is at the party?’

No one can run away, you have time to get exactly what you’re thinking, and sometimes minor arguments can escalate into worse arguments, with people starting to drag in every other complaint to improve their position.

But if you’re so mad that you’re having trouble texting coherently because your fingers can’t keep up with your angry words, then it’s time to put the phone down. You don’t want to say something so cruel it can’t be fixed.

3) From the interview of Dr. Biden with Harper’s Bazaar revealed that during the Obama years, they “find out their occasional arguments over text — to avoid fighting for the Secret Service.”

I may not have bodyguards by my side constantly forcing me to fight over my phone just to maintain a trace of privacy, but recently I visited my boyfriend’s parents with him.

Now, nothing in this world can make me start a fight for them because as far as they know I’m a perfect girlfriend.

But while we were watching The Avengers as a family, my friend and I were secretly fighting our own epic battle under our furious typing fingers.

4) How to prevail in a silent war of the words, without any effort? Never underestimate the power of a passive-aggressive kiss — or the lack of it. If you always send three kisses to your other half after each message, try sending one as a subtle indication that a fight is going on.

5) Keep it short, not sweet. During an argument, your instinct may be to send long, incoherent messages full of questions, but they will never serve you well. Your other half only answers one question and your point is lost – snappy one-liners are much more effective.

dr.  Biden's interview with Harper's Bazaar revealed that during the Obama years she

From the interview of Dr. Biden with Harper’s Bazaar revealed that during the Obama years, they ‘find out their occasional arguments over text — to avoid fighting for the Secret Service’

6) Punctuation and grammar are the keywords. Now this is coming from a dyslexic so I know the struggle. (In college I once wrote an essay on “Catholics vs Prostitutes”), but the last thing you want is your perfect mic drop moment ruined if your partner points out you used the wrong one there/their.

7) Don’t be afraid to make them sweat. The great thing about ‘fexting’ is that nothing has to be done right away. You don’t have to respond right away. Show them those two ticks turn blue and you’re online, then have them wait while you gather your thoughts and grab a snack.

8) The ‘forward’ function is there for a reason. A verbal fight should be done one-on-one, but once it’s moved to phones it’s fair game and you get to call for backup. Take a screenshot of those texts and share them in your girls’ group chats for a second opinion on the ideal rebuttal.

9) Use an emoji if you want, but never a meme. Some emojis say it better than words. The inverted face embodies a character more powerful and unattainable than Mona Lisa’s smile.

A meme or a dancing gif, however relevant, is never appropriate. It’s like singing a song in your wedding vows. The lyrics may be all you want to get across, but it’s awkward that you were too fat to find your own words.

10) And finally, don’t get caught. If you’re having sex in public, like I did with my boyfriend in front of his family, be wary of other people seeing it. When my friend went to the bathroom I didn’t notice that he had left his phone on the table.

When it pinged, his sister picked it up and saw the message from me sitting next to her on the couch. ‘Why are you such a . † † I won’t finish the lyrics, but she may not think I’m perfect anymore.

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