The family of a Vietnam veteran who came out as gay in his moving obituary have revealed why he lived his final years alone.
Colonel Edward Thomas Ryan died of intestinal cancer at the age of 85 at his home in Albany, New York, after living in nearby Rensselaer for most of his life, where he served as a firefighter.
In a final message to his loved ones and the world, published in the Albany Times UnionRyan shared that he had secretly lived as a gay man his entire life.
‘I must tell you one more thing. I was gay my entire life: during grade school, during high school, during college, throughout life,’ the veteran wrote.
His nephew Joseph Ryan, 68, said The New York PostThe decorated veteran was a “private person,” but added that his family was aware of Ryan’s sexuality and he even met his longtime partner, Paul.
Colonel Edward Thomas Ryan kept a heartbreaking secret throughout his life, only revealing it to his friends and family in his obituary.
‘They would go on vacation. “Once he retired, he would take a month off and they would just write down where they wanted to go, anywhere in the world,” Joseph Ryan said.
“So we kind of knew, but he wasn’t one to come out and say anything… Our family isn’t one to try to say anything about people.”
Joseph added: ‘He was calm, but bold. It’s been inside him all this time.
Ryan spoke about his 25-year relationship with the love of his life, another man named Paul.
In her obituary, Ryan confessed: “She had a loving and affectionate relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush,” Ryan confessed.
‘He was the love of my life. We spent 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 due to a medical procedure gone wrong. I will be buried next to Paul.
The former soldier explained that he had never dared to reveal his secret for fear of being disowned by those he knew and loved.
‘I regret not having had the courage to come out as gay. I was afraid of being excluded: by family, friends and co-workers,’ he recalled.
‘Seeing how they treated people like me, I just couldn’t do it. Now that my secret is known, I will always rest in peace.’
“She had a loving and affectionate relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush,” Ryan, pictured, confessed. ‘He was the love of my life. We spent 25 great years together’
Joseph said the veteran had feared being court-martialed for being openly gay, since for most of his military career, same-sex relationships were grounds for discharge from the military.
Ryan served in the Army’s 10th Brigade and received several military awards, including the National Defense Service Medal and the Defense of Freedom Medal “for his role in the aftermath of the attack on the United States on September 11, 2001.” , according to his obituary.
He was one of many talents and was also one of the founders and owners of Albany’s local radio station, WGY-FM.
Ryan died at the age of 85 at his home in Albany, New York (pictured)
Additionally, he was a chef at East Greenbush, American Legion Post and a life member of the Vietnam Veterans of America.
Ryan is survived by his 14 nephews and nieces, who affectionately called him ‘Uncle Ed.’
His obituary has gone viral and people across the country have been touched by Ryan’s story.
A commenter on his obituary said: ‘Edward seems an extraordinary man. Thank you for his service, not only to the country but to his neighbors.
‘You were a true hero. It hurts me a lot that you have had to live your life in silence, but I am very happy to hear about your life with Paul.
A friend of Ryan’s shared the image above in his obituary.
Ryan served in the Army’s 10th Brigade and received several military awards.
Another person said: ‘As someone who didn’t ‘come out’ until 40, this obituary really struck a chord with me.
‘I hope Edward and Paul reunite now, in love for eternity. No one should have to spend their entire life hiding who they are and who they love.’
A third said: “A brave man became braver.” God bless Uncle Ed.
A commenter named Chrissy Wills claimed to have met Ryan and his partner.
Wills wrote: ‘I met Tom when I married his partner Paul’s nephew. We enjoyed several vacations, dinners and picnics together.
‘He was a true gentleman and it was a shame he felt he had to hide his homosexuality. He and Paul had a lot of fun together. May he finally be at peace.’
