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If you’re in a relationship where nothing seems to go right and every argument makes you feel like you’re to blame, then your boyfriend is probably incredibly insecure.
Now psychologists have revealed the eight warning signs that you may be overlooking and that are clear signs that your partner lacks confidence in himself and his relationship.
These signs are phrases that might make you feel like you’re wrong, like “you’re too sensitive” or denying an apology with “but” after saying “I’m sorry.”
By understanding the intentions behind these science-based red flag comments, you can learn how to deal with the situation or finally throw it to the curb.
Your boyfriend could be using eight comments to mask his insecurities, including telling you that you’re too good for him or that you’re being “too emotional.”
Red flags are forms of ‘gaslighting’ that can make you question your feelings and help your partner avoid responsibility for their actions.
TO study 2019 suggested that these types of phrases signify emotional abuse which can be as damaging to the psyche as physical abuse and can contribute to depression and low self-esteem.
1. ‘You’re too good for me’
This is just your boyfriend’s self-deprecating way of saying that he has low self-esteem and doesn’t deserve your affection, according to Global English Editionan online editing and proofreading company.
The phrase can create an unhealthy balance in the relationship: he needs you to constantly reassure him of his value and how much you care about him.
This could also affect your mental well-being because by constantly reassuring him, you are trying to solve his low self-esteem issues while ignoring your own needs and feelings.
2. ‘I don’t care what people think’
At first glance, this comment may seem like your boyfriend is exuding an air of confidence, but he may actually be saying it as a way to protect himself from criticism.
This statement could act as a shield for your insecurities by deflecting comments before they are made so that they can’t hurt you.
In fact, telling you “I don’t care what people think” might indicate that he is quite the opposite and that he is openly aware of people’s comments and criticisms of him.
3. ‘I’m just being honest’
An insecure boyfriend might use this phrase to establish dominance and control over his partner and may use it to mask hurtful or negative comments.
It implies that you can’t handle what they say and you are taking too much offense and blaming yourself.
Criticism can be used as a tool to feel better about your own mistakes by scapegoating the other person and deflecting these insecurities onto yourself.
This red flag can be a form of ‘gaslighting’, which can make you question your feelings and help your partner avoid responsibility for their actions.
Gaslighters “are typically emotionally abusive people, often with low self-esteem, who want to control others rather than engage in mutually respectful relationships that require thoughtfulness, empathy, compassion and kindness,” said Monica Vermani, a Canada-based clinical psychologist. . ABC5 News.
“They look for ways to undermine and dominate someone they fear losing, regardless of the damage to their target.”
If your boyfriend says ‘I’m sorry, but…’, he’s probably partially blaming you for the argument and trying to apologize without accepting responsibility for his actions.
4. ‘I’m sorry, but…’
If you’ve had an argument or fight with your boyfriend and he says, ‘I’m sorry, but…’ as an apology, this is a telltale sign that he’s insecure and about to partially shift the blame to you.
This comment is used as a means of apologizing without fully accepting responsibility and is partly to defend his actions.
Some people may have trouble recognizing or admitting when they have made a mistake and may feel like they are exposing their weaknesses if they admit that they were at fault.
“A gaslighting apology is a conditional apology that makes the person apologizing seem like they are sincerely saying ‘I’m sorry,’ but takes no responsibility for hurting you,” Jamie Schenk DeWitt, psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist. said news week.
“They don’t think for a second that they did anything wrong and they’re implying that it’s their problem that their feelings were hurt,” DeWitt said.
5. ‘I was just joking’
People often use jokes as a way to communicate, ease tension, or simply connect with others, but when they are used after a hurtful comment or criticism, it becomes a red flag.
When your insecure boyfriend tells you “I was just kidding” after a negative comment, it’s an attempt to avoid taking responsibility for the pain you feel by lightening the mood.
If this comment is made consistently, it might be time to address it so that your mental health doesn’t suffer as a result of the hurtful and dismissive “joke” comments.
6. ‘It’s no big deal’
This is a sure way to ignore your feelings by downplaying an issue you’ve brought up in the relationship.
An insecure man might use this phrase to end the argument on his terms while also dismissing your feelings and concerns that you’ve confided in him.
This is likely due to your insecurity of not being able to fully deal with criticism or conflict and disrespecting your feelings.
7. ‘You’re too sensitive’
Telling someone they are “too sensitive” is also a form of the well-known term gaslighting, when someone makes you question whether you are justified in how you feel.
Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, said Fashion: “It’s just a way to set you off and make you think you’re crazy.”
It gives him control and power over you that he might have felt was missing in the relationship, exposing his insecurities and his inability to accept responsibility for his actions.
This comment could make it difficult for you to stand up for yourself and feel validated in your emotions and could negatively impact your mental well-being.
8. ‘I’m not perfect’
Imperfection and making mistakes is a reality of life, and recognizing that on a day-to-day basis life is fine, but using it as an excuse, it becomes a sign of your insecurity.
This phrase can be used to deflect blame, lower your expectations of him, or justify how he acted or reacted to a situation.
It protects him from being held accountable for his actions and once again invalidates his feelings.
How to respond to these eight warning signs
When you find yourself in these situations, DeWitt told Newsweek that it would be wise to try to stay away from someone who “will do anything at any cost to preserve his greatness and power at your expense.”
Ultimately, it’s up to you how you respond to these red flags, but understanding the meaning behind these frequent comments could help you understand how to foster more open communication in your relationship, or you could finally break free.
“It is imperative to address this behavior with your partner, and if he or she refuses to take responsibility or expresses a willingness to change, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship,” said Samara Quintero, licensed marriage and family therapist at Choosing Therapy. Business Insider.
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