Kristi McVee was a week into her job as a specialist child interviewer with the Western Australian Police when her first sleepover case landed on her desk.
The details were heartbreaking for her that day, but over time the girl’s story would become very familiar to the chief detective.
The 11-year-old girl had stayed at her best friend’s house while the adults were up all night drinking. After turning off the lights, the children fell asleep, but the party continued.
He didn’t even hear the door open. Her next memory was waking up with the man on top of her in the dark.
As a young mother fresh out of the WA Police Academy, McVee had never considered that sleepovers could be one of the most dangerous places for a child.
Like most of us, she thought spending the night at a friend’s house was just innocent fun and much less risky than playing outside where there were strangers.
Nowadays she knows better.
Ms McVee now runs Child Abuse Prevention and Education Australia (CAPE), an organization that educates parents about the risks of abuse and how to protect their children from predators.
Kristi McVee says sleepovers put children at significantly higher risk of abuse, whether from adults in the host family’s home or from other children.
Every week, dozens of parents ask him if sleepovers are safe, and his answer is always the same: “Definitely not.”
“Sleepovers carry a huge risk of abuse, not just from the people the children sleep with, but also from other children,” she told Daily Mail Australia.
“My entire experience in law enforcement showed me that sleepovers were one of the biggest risks for abuse, whether it’s sleepovers with family, sleepovers with friends, sleepovers with people you don’t even know.”
McVee explained that there are several risk factors associated with children staying overnight with other families, but if your child insists on going, there are steps you can take to mitigate the risk.
Ms McVee, who heads Child Abuse Prevention and Education in Australia, said “sleepovers have a huge risk of abuse” (file image)
When in doubt, throw the sleepover.
“Some parents do not take necessary precautions or provide adequate supervision during sleepovers, making them a huge risk,” he said.
‘When my daughter was younger, only boys came to my house.
“I had one or two houses that I was allowed to go to and that was because I knew those parents took their safety and risks as seriously as I did.”
Tablets in bedrooms are a red flag
To identify potential red flags, Ms. McVee urges parents to look for differences in how children are supervised in other homes..
‘For example, you might believe that children can’t have iPads or phones in their bedroom. “They can just sit in the living room and use them,” he said.
“But they go to someone else’s house and have all their devices in their rooms, so they stay up all night looking at websites they shouldn’t.”
Ms McVee (pictured while a Western Australian police officer) has warned parents not to allow their young children to attend sleepovers.
Get to know all the adults and older children who will be there, at all times.
One of the biggest risk factors for sleepovers is the significantly increased potential for sexual abuse. This is an inevitable fact that comes with letting your child sleep over at another house.
With this in mind, the least you can do as a parent is know all the adults and older children who will be around your child.
‘You know, 90 percent of all child sexual abuse is committed by someone your child knows; “He’s not a complete stranger,” Mrs. McVee said.
“They could be older relatives, friends or even your own siblings: between 30 and 50 percent of “Every child sexual abuse is another child.”
He added that the biggest risk at most sleepovers is to the parents.“I don’t know who the other adults in the home will be or who will supervise them,” because they don’t ask.
To identify potential red flags, Ms McVee urges parents to look for differences in how children are supervised in other homes (file image)
Make a checklist: get answers and don’t compromise
For parents considering letting their children go to a sleepover, Ms. McVee has shared a list of questions to ask the host family.
‘One of the first things is to ask who will be there. which older Will siblings, adults, and friends be there during that time? she said.
‘What activities are you going to do during the pajama party? Will the host parents take them somewhere? If so, will they be with them all the time?
‘Who supervises them and where? What are the sleeping arrangements?
‘Do the children all sleep together in the living room or in the bedrooms? Are they in a tent in the backyard?
‘What technological and device rules does the family have? Are they allowed to have their devices on overnight or do they take them off at a certain time?
Ask yourself: Are the host parents aware of the abuse?
Ms. McVee urges parents to ask the sleepover host family tough questions about what they are doing to prevent abuse.
At the very least, do they teach their own children about body safety?
Body safety means teaching children to recognize their personal boundaries and understand consent. Emphasizes the right to say no to unwanted contact, identify trusted adults, and know how to report inappropriate behavior.
Not knowing this basic step to prevent and recognize abuse is a red flag.
Also ask the host family if they are open to children calling home at any time during the stay. A child should never be prevented from communicating with his or her mother or father.
If you are the host of the sleepover
Ms. McVee’s advice doesn’t just apply to parents who leave their children in the care of another family; It also extends to host families who need to deeply question whether they are providing a safe space.
“I was always very aware that if I invite children to come to my house, I have to provide them with a safe environment,” she said.
“It is a responsibility that we have that we should not take lightly and on which we should put more emphasis. It is our responsibility to ensure that all children feel safe with us.”
If possible, postpone sleepovers until adolescence.
The 11-year-old girl’s case was a rude awakening for McVee to the horror thousands of Australian children face.
“I learned a lot of these things on the job as I went along, and my daughter was only two years old when I came in,” she said.
‘Obviously my blinders were taken off when I joined. I just don’t think it’s a risk worth taking.
‘There is time to sleep over when they are older: teenagers. Once they are old enough to speak up if something happens, once they have the confidence to do so, you can allow them to stay in other people’s houses.