& # 39; Why mourning does not last forever, but love yes & # 39 ;: Author opens to learn to live again after the death of the newborn son
- Elle Wright's newborn son, Teddy, could not function outside his womb
- After a few days, his bereaved parents agreed to turn off life support.
- Parents read a first and last story before sleeping when Teddy breathed for the last time
- Two years later, Elle reveals that she has been forced to share her experience
Helen Brown for daily mail
The newborn son of Elle Wright (pictured) died a few days after his birth. He could not survive outside his womb
The night after Elle Wright gave birth to her first child, a midwife woke her up and told her that her baby was "a little cold and could probably do it with a hug".
She picked up Teddy and tried, unsuccessfully, to feed him, but the hug seemed to warm him up and the midwife told Elle to put him back on his cot. A few hours later Elle, in the picture, saw the panic light and the shadows of the doctors: Teddy had stopped breathing and the hospital staff took 18 minutes to resuscitate him.
Within three days it became clear that Teddy's body could not function outside Elle's womb and her bereaved parents agreed to disconnect life support.
After a nurse removed the wires and tapes from Teddy's soft body, Elle and her husband Nico read a first and last story before going to bed while taking her last breath in her arms.
The tests revealed that Teddy had died of a very rare metabolic condition called 3-methylglutaric aciduria, the first case in the United Kingdom. His death was simply "bad luck".
But Elle says she has always been a "positive" person. And in the two years since the loss of Teddy, she has been forced to write about her experience, hoping to help other women who have lost babies or who try to support them.
She is painfully honest about her pain. The numbness and the denial, the guilt, the anger, the shame, the jealousy, the isolation, the depression and the anxiety that made her hide from the world and finally give up the work of great power that had been her passion.
Two years later, she has written a book about her experiences with her son
While many NHS staff members treated the family with extraordinary compassion, not all did well. Elle is angry at the ruthless euphemism in letters referring to the "result of her pregnancy" and the midwife who materialized days after Teddy's death.
The woman had not taken the time to flip through the notes and learn her name, and seemed to judge Elle's need to use humor as a defense mechanism. It was like talking to a textbook about the loss of a loved one & # 39; and they could not get it out of the door fast enough.
He advises his friends to send texts (not too many) and not flowers (which wither and die). Dueling people get tired of seeing the sympathetic inclination of the head, so avoid it if possible. But anything is better than seeing a good friend cross the street to avoid conversation.
Elle sought out the company of other grieving mothers and identified with a group of online "warrior" women who wrote their baby's names on the sand each time they visited the beach. She consoled herself with the words of a vicar who told her that "pain will not last forever, but love does."
Needing to channel that love somewhere, Elle and Nico threw themselves into the fundraiser for Teddy's neonatal unit, and have received more than £ 50,000 in donations.
Elle says there are still days when she struggles to get out of bed. His advice is to ignore those who tell him to keep going & # 39; and opt for & # 39; move forward & # 39; in any way I can.