The Australian author John Marsden (photo) has seen too many over-anxious parents who hovered with every movement of their offspring
Over the past 10 years, Australian best-selling author John Marsden has had far too much protective and & # 39; toxic & # 39; seen parents who hovered with every move of their offspring.
The headmaster who is best known for his Tomorrow when the war started series, said the troubling rise of controlling mothers and fathers is part of a & # 39; harmful parenting epidemic & # 39 ;.
But the 68-year-old has a strict warning that he wants to share with modern parents: & # 39; Be mature and go back. & # 39;
Marsden spoke with Daily Mail Australia about his new book The Art of Growing Up and encouraged parents to stop choking & # 39; choking & # 39; young people if they want to prevent permanent damage to their children.
& # 39; Give your children space and no longer control every aspect of their life & # 39 ;, Marsden told Daily Mail Australia.
Let children get dirty: the headmaster said that children can have hours of fun just by playing with dirt and water. & # 39; They need first-hand experiences, not glamorous toys or computers & # 39; (stock image)
& # 39; It has become so huge and overwhelming how parents rule the lives of their children. They see the world as threatening, which means that optimism or trust in children is shrinking.
& # 39; Children need some space and are encouraged to be more adventurous. Most children are naturally curious and want to explore the world, they should be able to.
Give children dirt and water and they would have hours of fun. They don't need glamorous toys or computers. They need first-hand experiences – it's the most powerful thing we can offer
& # 39; Give children dirt and water and they would be happy for hours. They don't need glamorous toys or computers. They need first-hand experiences – it's the most powerful thing we can offer. & # 39;
Marsden said he has also noticed how modern children are kept busy & # 39; 24/7.
& # 39; They should not be bored or alone or make their own games. They're trapped in dance classes, math classes, martial arts, or basketball exercises, & Marsden said.
& # 39; They must have free time. It is a matter of living in the real world. Let them get their hands and clothes dirty. Let children lead an adventurous life. It is worth risking a few bruises, cuts or scrapes – it is an inevitable part of life. & # 39;
Marsden believes that protecting parents keep their children from playing outside because of the fear of being injured
But Marsden believes that protecting parents keep their children from playing outside because of the fear of being injured.
& # 39; Parents protect their child from getting a chance of bruising. How do they deal with setbacks or challenges as they get older? & # 39; He said.
& # 39; I'm scared and worried about the children's ability to fight as they get older – how are they going to work in a workplace or are they getting into a relationship? & # 39;
I still have to meet the perfect parent, but you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be good enough.
Marsden encourages parents to let their children explore the world.
& # 39; Take them out of the house, but not only to the sterile playground, find interesting parks, bush areas or the coastline. Get their hands dirty, let them climb trees, look under rocks or pick vegetation, & he said.
& # 39; When I was a kid, I remember looking at ants in the back yard of my grandmother's house and being fascinated when she came by and killed them with her shoes.
& # 39; I was completely stunned and shocked. But this is how children should come into contact with the real world. & # 39;
No glamorous toys! Marsden said that children are too distracted to play indoors instead of exploring the real world (stock image)
There are strategies for dealing with a difficult child – but Marsden warned if you don't have a healthy relationship in the beginning, there is no point in fixing it.
& # 39; If a parent-child (relationship) is corrupt, you might as well not bother, & # 39; he said.
If there is a good foundation and the parents love and care for them, children are infinitely forgiving, no matter how angry you make them
& # 39; They don't have enough respect for their parents' judgment if they know you can't stand them – but it depends on whether the foundation has been laid. The first two to six years of their life, if not properly laid, everything will be a struggle.
& # 39; But if there is a good foundation and the parents love and care for them, children are infinitely forgiving, no matter how angry you make them.
& # 39; If the parent-child relationship is good, you can handle conversations, which helps a child better understand how toxic these situations are.
& # 39; But nothing can replace bad parenting. You can do what you can and you can fill the vacuum in the child as well as possible, but as soon as a child steals the vacuum itself, it becomes a very toxic situation. & # 39;
Boredom is the key! Marsden said parents should let children get bored so they can make their own games (stock image)
Let children live an adventurous life so that they can experience a few bruises, cuts or scrapes: Marsden believes that protective parents keep their children from playing outside due to fear of being injured
Marsden said that bad parenting can also influence a child's behavior at school.
& # 39; If something happens in class, children may feel incompetence or weakness, & # 39; he said.
& # 39; They become the dominant child in the class, but in an unhealthy way and they fill the vacuum. They feel the ability to seize power.
& # 39; But as a teacher you can be subtle, but you have to make it clear that you are the adult. Put an end to it, but let children feel safe and comfortable. & # 39;
You do not put your own life on hold because you have a child
Marsden – who has written more than 40 books – said he believed that bad parenting has led to a growing number of children developing mental health problems.
As school principal, Marsden said he has noticed a disturbing increase in anxiety and mental health problems among school-aged children.
& # 39; But those psychological problems are more common in parents than in children. Parents have a powerful impact on children because they cannot manage their own lives effectively, & he said.
& # 39; You do not put your own life on hold because you have a child.
& # 39; I still have to meet the perfect parent, but you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be good enough. & # 39;
The book The Art of Growing Up by John Marsden is available at Pan Macmillan Australia or your nearest bookstore.
What are John Marsden's upbringing rules?
1. There is never a day when you don't have to say no to a child. But as often as possible you have to say it beautiful, creative, thoughtful and with humor. Teasing can be a great strategy, but not if it becomes the default setting for adults. Sarcasm is a dangerous tool to use, but sarcastic teasing that is done lovingly can bring the child back to reality: & # 39; Hmmm, nice tantrum. I would give those 8, maybe 8½. & # 39; The child will often accept this, but only if it comes from an adult he really likes or loves.
2. The hard truth is that if parents have not done a good job in the first few years, they have a tough job of being a successful parent of an older child or adolescent. They will never make up for the sins of commission or omission, so it is a waste of time and energy to torment about it and blame themselves bitterly for their shortcomings. It will not benefit anyone, least of all their children.
3. Parents must be strong – even powerful! – encourage teenagers to get a paid job. After all, they are family members, not business class passengers on an airplane.
4. Some adults are openly controlled and do not suffer from articulating and exercising their & # 39; rights & # 39; as parents. Of course, every parent not only has a right, but also an obligation to set boundaries, establish rules, and draw boundary lines. There are disastrous consequences for children when parents do not. But the parents walking around in their small kingdoms screaming for or punishing a child who breaks the rules (even relatively insignificant), or defying them, are destructive adults who do permanent damage to their child.
5. The first principle of good parenting is that we are aware of the unhealthy ways in which we construct childhood and adolescence. Parents may need to reconsider their prejudices. Their children may not be as perfect as they pretend, and their teenagers may be better than generally acknowledged.
6. We must give our children fear. Knowing fear is a rich and hugely valuable experience. The only myths that many modern parents want to offer children are Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. We are afraid to also give them the Boeman, not knowing how nutritious the Boeman can be.
7. Young people have an absolute right to know about puberty, about sex, about politics, about human behavior, about money, about important global issues. The deliberate blocking of children and teenagers' access to such essential information is a form of child abuse.
8. People who feel angry or upset when they catch a glimpse of children's hatred or greed or sexuality or anger or dishonesty overlook the fact that the child acts in the same way as any other person in the history of the world .
9. The only important academic skills that children need is literacy. We must ensure that children have access to books with realistic characters, credible situations, authentic language and we must not shrink from showing life in all its many forms.
10. Every parent would wish his child nothing but & # 39; I want him or her to fully experience life & # 39 ;. Every child must be able to enjoy the 10,000 joys that life brings, and to feel the sorrow of 10,000 sorrow with full force.
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