Azeez Al-Shaair had doubts about ever playing in the NFL again and found himself in a “really dark place” after being suspended three games for a hit that concussed Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback Trevor Lawrence.
The Houston Texans linebacker spoke to reporters Wednesday for the first time since the NFL announced his suspension last month.
“The things you might think when someone says they’re in a dark place, the darkest possible is where I honestly was,” Al-Shaair said. “It was a crazy time. “It was difficult for me to see myself playing football again.”
Al-Shaair apologized the next day and later lost his appeal of the suspension.
In a statement announcing that the appeal was denied, NFL vice president of football operations Jon Runyan included a paragraph about Al-Shaair’s history of rule violations and noted a “lack of sportsmanship and respect for the game of football and all those who play, coach “And enjoy watching it, it is concerning and does not reflect the core values of the NFL. “Your continued disregard for NFL rules of play endangers the health and safety of both you and your opponents and will not be tolerated.”
That’s something that stuck with Al-Shaair. Although he accepted the suspension, he opposed Runyan’s words: writing in X this week that he had a “productive” meeting with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and NFL executive vice president of football operations Troy Vincent, but will not allow his “character and integrity to be unjustifiably tarnished.”
Al-Shaair said Runyan told him that the letter was written while rewatching the play and the fight that took place afterwards and that his comments did not refer to Al-Shaair’s entire career.
“But the way he wrote it was obviously taken out of context,” Al-Shaair said. “Clearly I made a mistake (and) the reason he wrote something, which ended up being taken out of context as a mistake, is because I did something that obviously wasn’t right, taking off my helmet and starting another fight…wasn’t right.
“But I base everything above on the fact that I never tried to hurt him.”
Al-Shaair will suit up for the AFC South champion Texans’ final regular-season game on Sunday against the Tennessee Titans, which will be their first game since Dec. 1.