Telenovela with JACI STEPHEN: Lauren has returned from the dead

CORONATION STREET

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that Lauren was alive.

No body, no evidence, no motive – all the insignificant details that murder investigations demand. But none of this deterred Detective Swain from blaming Roy for the non-existent crime.

Having survived his prison ordeal and his heart attack, how will Roy react when Lauren shows up at the café to apologize to him? Too little, too late, as far as I’m concerned. Not that anyone really cared.

When a character disappears under mysterious circumstances, it should at least be someone we love and have established a relationship with. Lauren doesn’t even manage to establish a relationship with her hairdresser, something that her hairstyle continues to bear witness to.

Roy could do with a visit to the barber too, though. His newly acquired beard makes him look like Brian Blessed from Poundland.

But she’s probably more sympathetic to Lauren than Carla, who is furious when she discovers Bobby has offered her a bed for the night.

Rowan has shown his true colors from the start, but now he’s a technicolour dream full of unpleasantness. Will Leanne be tempted when he asks her to invest £40,000 in the Institute?

You’re in the wrong place, Rowan. Leanne made more money as a prostitute than as a restaurateur. You need to go to Walford, where Phil Mitchell mysteriously has an endless supply of money to spend.

Toyah continues to search the Internet for dirt on Rowan, who pressures Nick to invest in the Institute’s new resource center, threatening to reveal the secret of their romance.

Money is also on Gemma and Chesney’s minds as their eviction draws closer and they become increasingly reliant on Chesney’s free burgers for their daily nutrition.

STUDENTS FROM THE EAST

So what is Ian actually doing as he prepares to attend his supposed leadership course (and God knows he needs one)?

Cindy’s suspicions are aroused when she sees the contents of his suitcase and heads to Beale’s Eels to ask him if he’s having an affair. Reminding him of what he’d be missing out on with her is a way of getting him to do it, but he insists he’s innocent.

When she discovers another fact that makes her believe he’s lying, she forces George to take her to a secret address. What’s it all about? Eels on the black market? Another secret child? (Does Walford have room for more?)

Cindy reminds Ian what he would miss if he had an affair, but he says he is innocent.

Will an exhausted Cindy take refuge in Junior’s arms again, or since he exchanges numbers with Lauren, has she already moved on (be careful, Junior; that woman has more baggage than Louis Vuitton)?

And when George tells Elaine they should start thinking about a wedding date, will that be the end of Cindy and George getting back together?

I just hope Cindy starts sleeping with the father and son. That would be one popcorn night. Either one of them has to be a better bet than The Eel Whisperer.

The epidemic is spreading in Walford

Following the steroids and boxing storyline, EastEnders will pick up another drugs thread when Anna’s drink is spiked at Peggy’s. For the first time in the show, there will also be a five-part series linked online.

Executive producer Chris Clenshaw says: “With spike incidents increasing at an alarming rate across the UK, we decided to explore this issue with Anna Knight, who represents the demographic most affected by spikes.”

EMMERDALE

Will Matty make it out of his cell alive?

Finally, under pressure from Lydia, Samson goes to the police to tell the truth about the day of the stabbing. However, Matty is not out of danger yet when he finds Robbo, who threatens him, waiting for him in his cell.

Where are the prison officers when they are needed? Do they ever do any work in Soapland? How is it possible that so many violent prisoners manage to gain access to other people’s cells?

Hopefully, the confession will lead to Matty’s release and he can get back to being bothered by Moira.

However, Matty is not out of the woods yet when he finds a menacing Robbo waiting for him in his cell.

Let’s talk about changing cabins on the Titanic.

Ruby continues to pressure Rose into carrying out the cowardly plan of drugging Will’s drink so Rose can catch him.

Unfortunately, everything goes wrong when he loses track of the drug, so will it be Will or someone else who takes it? Why bother? All you need to catch a guy in Emmerdale is half a pint. Actually, usually a teaspoon is enough.

She has returned to collect the rest of her things, but her car is involved in an accident. Can anyone get behind the wheel without crashing in this town?