A man has admitted to have “violence” against his own wife in an attempt to prevent other men from becoming monsters.
Actor and singer Toby Francis revealed that during household disputes with his wife Lauren he would regularly break household items in a confronting open letter that was posted on Facebook on Thursday.
The open letter was written in response to the murder of Hannah Clarke and her three children aged three to six years after being burned to death in a horrific suicide committed by her monster-ex-husband Rowan Baxter on Wednesday in Brisbane.
In the letter, Mr. Francis remembers that he spoke to a friend who warned him that beating walls, breaking plates and breaking brooms would escalate into physical violence against his own wife and children.
“He told me, in no uncertain terms, that what I did was violence that would one day turn into pushing Lauren, what would one day turn into beating Lauren, that one day would turn into beating our children, “Mr. Francis wrote.
“And maybe it stops there, but maybe it doesn’t. Maybe one day it would turn into something that we saw happening recently, where a man set fire to a car with his children and their mother in it. ”
Actor and singer Toby Francis (right) revealed that during household disputes with his wife Lauren (left) he would regularly break household items in a confronting open letter that was posted on Facebook on Thursday.
The beginning of the open letter from Toby Francis posted on Facebook on Thursday
Francis said he was initially resistant to his friend’s accusation because he thought he was a “good man.”
‘I would never – and never – have touched or physically hurt my partner. I was not the kind of man who would commit domestic violence, let alone kill someone, “he wrote.
“Never mind a woman, let alone my partner. I was just the kind of person who occasionally had to break a rake when Lauren and I couldn’t solve a fight. That was all it was. Just a plate or two. Or a hole in the wall. ”
The actor said he then started investigating domestic violence and was ‘shocked’ to discover that domestic violence often escalates and ends with murder.
‘Objects are temporary indications for the people we cannot touch. And one day those placeholders no longer do the job and there is a push in the discussion, “wrote Mr. Francis.
‘Just a push. It doesn’t matter, you rationalize and you are sorry. And it won’t happen again, you say. And you don’t want it to happen again, you know.
“Because of course you don’t. You are a good man. A good man who does not hit his partner, does not beat his children, does not cover the car in gasoline and sets on fire. ”
In the letter, Mr. Francis remembers that he spoke to a friend who warned him that beating walls, breaking plates and breaking brooms would escalate into physical violence against his own wife and children
Francis said men make “apologies” for escalating violent behavior.
“Every time it happens again, you make an excuse that if she had not done what she had done or said what she had said, you would not have done what you did,” he wrote.
“Because you are a good man. You know you are. I mean, come on, let’s not make it a problem, you just broke a plate.
“You just hit a wall. You just pushed her back, hit her once, burned her and your children alive in a car. ”
He then said: “we must put an end to the myth of the good man.”
‘It’s not just bad men who are susceptible to domestic violence. Good men are just a few hundred incremental changes away from bad men, “he wrote.
“That’s why good men don’t think they can become bad men and bad men don’t think they have changed.”
The open letter was written in response to the murder of Hannah Clarke and her three children, ages three to six, after being burned to death in a horrific suicide committed by her monster-ex-husband Rowan Baxter on Wednesday in Brisbane
Mr. Francis said he received professional help to stop his violent behavior and was diagnosed with ADHD in the late 1920s, allowing him to better understand his reactions.
The actor and singer said he was “ashamed” of his behavior and wondered if he should write about it online, but did so to warn other men.
“If someone reads this and is ashamed of the same thing, I hope you know that I am ashamed. I’m still ashamed of it, “he wrote.
“I wondered because I was wondering if people I knew would be ashamed of myself or if their opinion would change. Even though I never hit or hurt anyone. They were just plates.
“I am ashamed that admitting that what I did was what all the abused men ever did would mean that I would have to admit that one day I might hit a woman, hurt our children, eventually end up as “not a good man.”
“If you are ashamed, I was.” But that shame is healthy. ”
The end of the open letter that he posted on Facebook on Thursday